Monday, August 30, 2010

Bittersweet - and not chocolate

So here it is. The BIG announcement (well in my head anyways). I thought that I would be really excited to share this with y'all - and I am - but I wasn't expecting to also be kind of sad.
See, I'm going to be taking a break from Fat Girl Slim for a while. I love writing here. I do. It's just that, well, lately there hasn't been much to write about in the weight loss - fitness world. At least as it pertains to me.
No, I haven't given up. Far from it. I still have about 30 more pounds to lose. Paradoxically, stepping away from the blog for a while has revved up my enthusiasm for the actual work of losing weight rather than the just talking about losing weight. Quite frankly I have been focusing too much on the latter and not enough on the former for way too long. So I'm back in the gym, back to pounding the pavement, and back to all around better eating. I just won't get to tell you about all the everyday details.
And now for the second, BETTER, part of the announcement. No I have not given up writing. How could I? I will now be writing for a new website/online magazine/blog called Bit of the Bluegrass. It's a brand new site devoted to showing the ups and downs of living in the Bluegrass State. Most publications are devoted to a, shall we say, somewhat older and more affluent populations of Kentuckians. That is not what Bit of the Bluegrass is about. It's about the everyday life of actually living your life here and the simple joys that can be found here. We're starting out small for now, but as interest grows I would like to add more features and even bring in some different points of view with some other writers.
So if you're even a tiny bit interested, go on over and check it out. There are several ways to follow and/or subscribe to the site. And hey, today's the launch date so maybe you'll be the first. I will definitely miss Fat Girl, but I am way excited to share the Bluegrass. Hope you join me!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Calories, Anyone?

Ever wonder how many calories you burned rearranging your living room furniture? Cooking dinner for your kids? What about sex? Just how many calories does that burn? Well, wonder no more. I have found the best calorie calculator in the world. All you do is plug in your weight. Then go down the list plugging in how many minutes you spent doing each activity on the (very comprehensive) list during the past 24 hours. Be sure to do this at the same time every day if you are seriously counting and keeping track of calories.
Sure one of those Body Bugg things will do the same thing, but they cost something like $250 and they are, quite frankly, not all that attractive. I mean I suppose that you could tell everyone that that ugly black arm band is your new court ordered alcohol monitoring bracelet, but you should probably save that excuse for when you really need it. Besides this site is free.
I found out that a day spent shopping, doing general housework, raking grass in my yard, and washing and folding laundry burned nearly 1600 calories. Not to mention the 400 I burned at the gym. Sadly no sex was involved. It just goes to show you that you don't have to go to the gym to get in a decent workout. And let's just be honest - I'm much more likely to run my vacuum every day if I know that I can burn up to 250 calories/ 30 minutes of doing it. Clean house and a workout = SCORE!
So check it out and surprise yourself by just how much (or how little) your daily life fires off those calories. You might, like me, find yourself wanting to walk the dog just to see how many calories you burned.

p.s. Don't forget that the next post will bring The Big Announcement! It's kind of a big deal!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Break On Through to the Other Side

Lately I've been pondering motivation. Like why is it such an easy concept to understand and so difficult to actually implement. I know I need to lose weight. I want to lose weight. No, I mean I REALLY want to lose weight. Not like "my diet starts first thing Monday morning." More like "I am losing weight because I am sick of living like this."
For some people motivation to lose weight comes when they see a picture of themselves and it forces them to see themselves as others do. Or worse, someone actually makes a hurtful comment. Or maybe they get an earful from their doctor, or their clothes just simply don't fit anymore.
When I first started on this journey my motivation was more of an epiphany. I simply realized that I would be turning 30 soon and I didn't want to waste any more time "going to" lose weight. Maybe the weight wouldn't come off right away, but at least I would be doing something about it.
And for me the biggest motivation is success. For every pound I lose it motivates me to lose another one. It's a good feeling to see the number on the scale going down. And like most things in life, when something feels good we want more of it.
But what happens when the scale just stops moving. True, it's not going up - and that is a very good thing. But neither is it going down. While that's not very good in and of itself, it's down right catastrophic for my motivation.
Finally, though, progress. I finally decided to buckle down and get down to business. You know what? It worked. Surprise! Surprise! I cut calories to 1200/day and upped they exercise. Way upped. I've been putting in hard circuits at the gym - pushing myself a little more each session. Also I've reintroduced walking, not just on the treadmill (which as you know is the most boring thing in the world), but outside with actual fresh air and crap.
Isn't it funny how we know the right things to do, but somehow never get around to doing them. Why is that. do you suppose? They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If that is true, then perhaps the opposite is true as well. The road to paradise must be paved with fresh fruit and vegetables.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Really Big Show!

Today is my 97th post on this blog. The big 100 is right around the corner and I think that I should mark it by some really big changes to the way I share info with you. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I will say that the change is for the better. I can't wait to share all this with you. For now just hang tight.
Moving right along to the subject matter at hand - The diet/lifestyle change is finally back on track. I hate that my kids have to go back to school so early, but I'm not at all sorry to be back on schedule. I'm back in the gym 3-4 days a week, and I'm eating regular meals at regular times. Boring, yes, but undeniably good for the body.
I have to travel to the lake house again at the end of September for Dad's 50th birthday (insert big whoo-hoo here). That is exactly six weeks from now and I would like to be down 10 pounds by then. That is a totally reasonable goal. That's 1.66 pounds per week and if I can't do that after setting stagnant all summer, well then, I just need to throw in the towel.
One last thing. Part of the Big Surprise has to do with food. (what doesn't?) Anyways, if anyone has any absolutely fabulous (original - meaning yours or a friend or family members, not previously published) recipes, healthy or otherwise, that you would like to share then please do so. Just send the recipe name and origin, recipe, and your name to It really is going to be awesome!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Back to School and I'm the Fool

My babies went back to school yesterday and yes, it is ridiculously early. I would so much rather them go to school all through May and then not go back until the end of August. Like so many other things, it would be so much better if I ran the world. So I am sad that the summer, at least for this family, is officially over. On the other hand, I will be glad to get back on some sort of schedule. My healthy lifestyle has gone woefully off course this summer and it would seem that while my kids pack up their little pencils and crayons, I will be packing up my protein bars and free weights.
Seems like there are a few lessons I need to brush up on. Like, how to get motivated to workout every morning. No choice, no options, just routine. Oh, it's a weekday? Then it's a workout day. (Weekends are still optional/light days)
I also need to relearn how to order off of a menu. . .and enjoy it. I have admittedly eaten some stuff this summer that probably won't be gracing the pages of Clean Eating magazine. Yes, that food was delicious. And I know that they strategically place such things on the menu, usually with big glossy pictures, just to lure you in. But I also know that the same restaurant that offers the delicious chicken Parmesan with all the ooey gooey melty cheesy goodness, also offers a really  fresh and tasty salad with crunchy greens, juicy tomatoes, fresh mushrooms, and other vegis, all topped by a really savory piece of lemon grilled salmon. I just forget about it because it's buried at the bottom of the menu. So I guess I'll be spending more time at the bottom of the menu.
Likewise, a lesson I have never learned, is how to dine out with friends without feeling like the weirdo dieter friend. My friends are amateur foodies in the sense that maybe we don't have our own food network show, but we can definitely compete in the food Olympics. So when we go to a restaurant and I order a salad or some version of grilled chicken for the umpteenth time, they notice. "Oh, she's being good," they coo. Not sure if they are trying to be supportive, but the effect is the opposite in fact. I wind up feeling conspicuous and judged.
I guess I have my work cut out for me. I guess, like most things, that I will just have to knuckle down and do it. I am much better at avoiding, but that is no longer an option. Now maybe my daughter can explain long division to me so I will have a better time of dividing the calories in a restaurant dish.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

My Husband is Safe. . .For Now

Hubby: "Hey, dear. Where's my khaki pants?"
Me: "They are in the washing machine with my khaki pants."
Hubby (with disbelief): "But they weren't dirty!"
Me (smacking my forehead with sarcasm): "I'm sorry. I just assumed since they were on the bathroom floor. . ."

Guess it's a good thing I did an hour at the gym this morning. ; )

Friday, July 30, 2010

Wouldn't It Be Nice If. . .

Wouldn't it be nice if one morning I could wake up and not think about what I'm going to eat throughout the day? Or just exactly how much time I can devote to getting the maximum workout? Or how in the world am I going to have the time to workout, go to the store, do everything that needs done at the house, and still have time to cook two different but equally healthy dinners?
Wouldn't it be nice to go to the mall with friends and be able to go in any shop and find clothes that fit? What would it be like not to have to shop exclusively in the "plus" or "women's" or the absolute worst "extended" sizes? I would like to be able to go shopping with my friends and come home with more than a purse or shoes or makeup. Those things are lovely, yes, but I shouldn't have to be reduced to buying my clothes online and having them come to my house in unmarked wrappers like fricken' porn. Although come to think of it the porn wouldn't be nearly as embarrassing as some of the sized I've let myself be resigned to in the past.
Wouldn't it be nice to not be the fat friend? The funny one? The one with such a pretty face? Wouldn't it be nice, at least just once, to be the hot one?
Mostly I wonder what it would be like not to wonder these things. What if my weight were not an issue? What will happen when I actually make my goal weight? Wouldn't it be nice if we could celebrate our accomplishments instead of zeroing in on our shortcomings?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Have you been down the water aisle in the supermarket lately? I know, right, a water aisle? But anyone who is or has ever tried to lose weight knows the importance of drinking water. Or staying hydrated, is I suppose the new term. Whatever. When I'm thirsty, I'm thirsty and that is that. I try to get all of my 8 glasses of water a day, but I gotta say some days it's a challenge. So I decided to conduct a little experiment of my own.
I took a proactive approach to the supermarket water aisle and decided to try, if not all, at least a whole freakin' lot of different waters. How many different kinds of water can there be, you ask? Well, I will tell you.

First I bought several different brands of plain old water flavored water and I feel good saying that, hold on to your hats here, there's really not that much difference in flavor. I'm really not a fan of bottled water for environmental reasons and at home rely on a refrigerator filtration system and reusable bottles. That will continue to be my favorite. I also like the Crystal Lite flavors that you can get to mix in with your 16-20oz bottle of water. Most of them are in the 5 calorie range with a few of the energy or metabolism or hunger varieties going up to 30 calories. Still a waaaay better choice than even diet pop.
Next I tried a few of the grocery store brand carbonated flavored waters. Pretty good and I will probably buy them again. I liked the flavors, especially the black cherry and the lemon lime, and since it's carbonated it fills in nicely for diet pop in a pinch.
Then I hit the newest craze of "fitness waters". SoBe life water I did not care much for, but to be fair I only tried the lemonade flavor and it had a definite herbal flavor that I found objectionable but not totally unpalatable. Some of the people I talked to really like this product, so I think it must be a matter of personal taste here.
Then I moved onto the Vitamin Water Zero. It had, believe it or not, zero calories and miracle of miracles actually tastes good. The flavors are really nice and refreshing and each one is geared with specific vitamins and minerals added towards a specific purpose. Like the go-go flavor with extra B vitamins for energy. I don't know if it really made a difference in my energy levels but it tasted nice and was easy to chug back during a super hot workout.
Now, I will admit to being sucked in by the whole O.N.E. coconut water craze. You've seen all the pictures of celebrities carrying it around in their skinny red-stringed wrists. I thought that they must be on to something and since it is an actual natural product with no additives or added sugar and sporting tons of natural electrolytes and more potassium than a banana, I figured this one would be a slam dunk. Especially when it was on sale at my local Kroger. $1 is a small price to pay for a taste of the good life, right? First let me say that O.N.E. coconut water tastes nothing like coconut, which is disappointing to say the least. What it does taste like, and I feel that I am not overstating things here, ice cold vomit. I could not even finish the whole 8oz carton and when I finally gave up I considered licking the dogs ass just to get the taste out of my mouth. Sorry, O.N.E. people, but I really really REALLY did not enjoy your product. I would have to be just this side of actual dehydration to ever consider putting that stuff in my mouth again, and even then I'd have to think about it.
The conclusion: Water is Water. Flavored is good, plain is even better, and if you get it out of your tap and put it in your own reusable bottle its the best. Now stop harping on how hydrated you are or need to be and shut up and drink your water.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Just Another Day in the Life

My blogger dashboard was in a full on hissy fit yesterday such that I could not spread my usual sunshine so today you get the double dose. I haven't been in the best mood as of late and I'm not exactly sure of the reason. Perhaps it is the oppressive heat that is sweeping the country (104 degrees day before yesterday) or it could be that the scale hasn't been as cooperative as I think that it should be, but then again what else is new?.  And now, just to see if I can bring the rest of you down, a few hard truths for your day.
Just because your muscles are sore from a workout does not mean that you should take the day off from exercise, according to this month's issue of Women's Health magazine. We build muscle by creating tiny little tears in our muscle fibers and when they repair themselves more muscle tissue is built - more or less. So as long as you are eating adequate amounts of protein to facilitate muscle production you should have no problem with back to back workouts. The only catch is that sore and over worked muscles are more prone to injury. So if your legs are screaming from yesterday's squats focus today on upper body and vice versa. The only exception is your abdominal muscles which require very little if any recovery time seeing as how they are designed to move and flex with practically every movement of our bodies.
Also I have found a new motivator to amp up my diet and exercise routine. It goes like this - Losing weight and fitting into smaller size clothing = very good! having said clothing be tight and not hang off your body like the larger size = not so good. Nothing like a new sausage casing pair of workout pants to make a girl see the trouble areas. As is I were unaware.
And lastly, this. Calories that you eat on vacation are just as real as calories that you consume at home. I know, right? I was shocked too! I mean what is the point of working so hard to be able to go on vacation if you can't even enjoy it once you're there? Or if you are like me, you say "screw it" and let yourself enjoy your vacation with wild abandon then suffer terrible amounts of guilt and depression once you get home. I mean, really, was that ginormous cinnamon roll really worth the extra fat and calories? I guess you just gotta pick and chose. Like the really yummy sweet potato casserole I had at one restaurant was totally worth the fat and calories, plus I got the added vitamin A and fiber from the sweet potatoes. But the aforementioned cinnamon roll, not so much. No redeeming nutritional qualities whatsoever, and the worst part is - it wasn't even the best cinnamon roll I've ever had. Ah, you live and learn I guess.
So there you have it, sports fans. Your daily dose of sunshine without all of that pesky vitamin D and s#*t! Enjoy it. And tune in next time when I'll try not to be so damn chipper.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Worth the Weight

Since I do not subscribe to any "diet" in any sense of the word, I instead try to focus on common sense eating and getting plenty of exercise. But in the interest of self preservation there are certain things that I will not let cross my lips, for a variety of reasons. One of those things is Hostess Ho Ho's or their less desirable but still quite tasty counterpart the Little Debbie Swiss Roll. I cannot allow myself to eat either of these due to the infamous Ho Ho incident of 1996. I won't go into details but lets just say it was not pretty. Another thing I will not eat is Jello. As a rule I reject most things of a gelatinous nature. Likewise, I refuse to eat cauliflower - not due to any nutritional questions I may have, in fact I have heard that it is quite lovely- I just don't like it.
On the other hand there are certain things that diet or not one probably shouldn't eat, at least with any amount of regularity. Since I am not, thank Bob, on any sort of diet I am free to eat pretty much anything I want. But since I am also trying to lose weight, I probably shouldn't eat these things as often as I want to. I tend to subscribe to the French theory of all things in moderation and the Food Inc. theory of eating whatever you want as long as you make it yourself.  Some things I am just not willing to give up, even if it does mean dragging out the old cast iron skillet.
So, #1, I am not willing to live without fried chicken. This is definitely not something I would consider eating everyday, well OK, I have considered it but not with any feasibility. I'm also not talking about the kind out of the bucket. While tasty, definitely not worth the weight. I'm talking bring home the chicken, cut it up, let it soak in buttermilk overnight, season it, dredge it, let it rest, heat up the shortening in the cast iron frying pan, fry the chicken, let it rest, eat it with your fingers fried chicken. YUM!
#2, Please do not take away my alcohol. No I am not an alcoholic, far from it. But I live in Kentucky, I like to watch sports - preferably live, I like to play the ponies, I love to have a party, my family comes from a long tradition of bourbon conosiures. There will be drinking.
#3, There will also be chocolate. Don't care about no Hershey bar. I am way to old for that. My weakness is the Bourbon Sea Salt Chocolate Covered Caramels from Ruth Hunt in Mt Sterling, KY. I don't ever want to live in a world where they don't exist.
#4, I am not a vegetarian. I grudgingly respect those that are, but I am an Omnivore. I would totally be carnivorous if it weren't for those pesky fruits and vegetables they tell me I can't live without. So I live with a compromise. I will eat my recommended daily servings of vegetables and fruits. I will lay off the refined carbs and get rid of the trans-fats. I'll eat grilled chicken and fish as much as I can but every now and then I've got to have me a big ol' slightly undercooked juicy hunk of red meat.
#5Cheese. Not Kraft singles, which really isn't even cheese by the way. Not Velveeta - don't even get me started. I like real aged cheddar, smoked cheddar, real Parmesan-reggiano, Maytag blue cheese, a nice caraway Swiss, or an artisanal goat cheese. Just real cheese. That is all.
I guess you can tell that I am a bit of a foodie. That can pose a bit of a problem when trying to lose weight and that sucks. So I suppose that I will never be a size 6 again, but neither am I willing to live on lean cuisine meals and diet soda. No more air puffed cardboard cakes for me. I will eat real food, just slightly less of it, and I will (hopefully) be a happy size 10-12. And I am good with that.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Shhhh. . .Can You Hear It?

My horoscope for today suggested that I should seek some time to myself today in order to still my mind and hear the answers that are waiting for me. I guess the universe really does have all the answers. My mind really could use some stillness today, it is really just a matter of finding the time to indulge it. But the universe says to so I suppose I should obey.
What answers am I seeking, you ask. Well, to be honest, I'm not really sure myself. Do you ever have times in your life when everything seems to be rolling towards some unknown precipice. You can feel it coming, but you don't really know what it is or when it will come. Things seem to be slightly out of control but you can't quite put your finger on just exactly what. That's where I am right now.
I'm not exactly depressed, in fact my mood is pretty good. It's more like a slight anxiety, but that's not really right either. I'm not scared or nervous or anything like that, more like just certain that something is on hte horizon for me and/or my family.
Now for the funniest thing. As I set here quietly writing this a certain calm has come over me. It occurs to me that it doesn't matter what is coming down the road for me. No one ever really knows. The best that anyone can ever do is take care of the people and things that are given to us to take care of and trust that that will be enough.
I suppose things have gotten kind of out of control this summer, as it does every summer with out of school kids and multiple and varied vacations (3 different ones so far) and so forth. Things tend to get pretty lax around here and I know enough about myself to know that I have to have a schedule, at least a rough outline of one.
The answer that has come to me is that I need to get myself and my family back on some sort of, if not schedule, at least order. Get back in the healthy eating routine and back on an exercise schedule for myself. Vacation is officially over for me now and to be quite honest, I'm OK with that. We have travelled over 4000 miles this summer travelling through 9 different states. Yes, we love a road trip. And yes, up north in Wisconsin, and down south at the beach, and way up high in the mountains is very nice. But I can now say with some authority that there is indeed no place like home.

Friday, July 16, 2010

You're Not the Boss of Me!

I finally had to say that to my scale. It was a long time coming, but in the end it was totally worth it. You see, for so long I was a slave to what that number said every morning. The number on a little plastic box that I bought at Wal Mart for less than $50 determined how my day would go.
Stupid, I know. But, evidently, not that uncommon. I was reading a post by Jules over at Big Girl Bombshell (one of my favorite bloggers BTW) and it got me to thinking about my own hate/hate relationship with the scale. It's just a number, right?
Well, yes and no. Yes it is just a number, but it's also what that number represents. All too often all I saw on the face of my scale was shame, disappointment, and failure. How could I let it get this bad? Why am I so fat? Why can't I lose the weight? What's wrong with me?
Turns out, nothing is wrong with me after all. I just didn't have the right tools. And that's all a scale is, you know, a tool. When I first realized that it was mind blowing. What a concept. The scale is just another tool in my weight loss arsenal. No different really than my calorie counter or my workout DVDs. Crazy.
So I stopped caring so much about the number. Sure I still weigh myself every morning. I know they say not to do that or you'll drive yourself crazy. But now I use the number on the scale as more of a guideline. It doesn't rule my life. I can objectively look at it and say, "oh you're up a pound. now what are you going to do to get going back in the right direction?" or "look at that down 2 pounds, must've been doing something right."
"How about we don't let the box of rats ruin our lives?" (if you don't know what that's from, well then, sorry.) And that's all that scale is, a little box of rats. I know, it's a pretty poor metaphor, but come on, it's early.
I have chosen not to let the scale rule/ruin my life. I am looking forward to the day when I reach my goal weight and feel comfortable weighing myself once a month to keep on track. I can't wait until I can feel happy living within a five pound "zone" instead of tracking every pound. But until then I will not obsess over every up and down on the scale. Instead I will use those readings as guides to what my next move should be.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Two Things That Chapped Me Today and One Thing That Made Me Smile!

No, it really doesn't take all that much to make me mad. Anyone can tell you, I have a lot of anger issues and in order not to take my rage out on my family and friends, I sometimes have to take it out on unsuspecting restaurant hostesses, gas station attendants, and airport check-in clerks, just to name a few. But today was too damn much. Really, people, if you don't like it when I tell you that you're f-ing stupid - then don't be f-ing stupid.
I finally made it to the gym this morning and hour later than usual due to technical difficulties at home. I should have known that it was going to be one of "those" days, but I did not pay attention. There were only two other people in the gym, the owner and another lady and despite the techno gospel coming over the speakers I was thinking that it might turn out OK. WRONG! What I failed to recognize was the fact that the other lady had her children with her. And our gym does not offer day care. In fact, there is a sign posted on the door and several wall throughout the facility that clearly states that children are not prohibited. Evidently this lady was one of those special people to which the rules that the rest of us must follow just do not apply. All I can say is that she was "special" all right, and so were her kids.
I realize I'm being harsh, but, hey, you weren't there, OK. I will say that the disturbance was mostly limited to one specific kid. He was everywhere. Even after the owner had told both his mom and him that she was sorry, but he just wasn't allowed in there. (Evidently there had been complaints before today's incident) He proceed to haul himself to the computer and push every button on the keyboard. BTW, the mom is just blithely continuing her workout. The owner has to stop what she's doing, run over there, and basically pull the kid away from the computer before he wrecks something. "I was just gonna play some games," he says. "This computer doesn't have any games,"she explains, "It's only for members to track their workouts." The mom just laughs as the kid proceeds to throw a fit and slam out the glass doors almost breaking them. The owner and I just look at each other in amazement. Holy crap!
Listen, I get it. My own workout suffers in the summer for lack of a babysitter. But here's the thing and it's very simple. My gym does not offer child care, ergo if I do not have a babysitter I do not go. Yes, it sucks. But it would suck way more for my kids to destroy the gym and all it's equipment while I laughingly continued my workout. Not that such a thing would ever happen. My kids know how to behave. Grrrr!
Then I get home and turn on my trusty time suck computer and what greets me but doom and gloom. According to a study by Northwestern University School of Medicine women who have more fat deposits around their hips and butts are more likely to develop memory loss later in life. What the heck. First they tell us that if we have excess weight around our middles, we are more at risk for heart disease and now if we have big asses we're doomed to dementia. Huh? Can't a girl have a little junk in her trunk anymore? I suppose that the bad news is that I'll probably have a heart attack at some point, but the good news is that I probably won't remember it. "So I've got that goin' for me, which is nice."
And finally for the one bright shining point of light in my day so far. And it's a biggie! After several weeks that scale has finally made a decidedly downward turn. I have gained and lost the same 3-4 pounds for months now, but now it appears that I have broken through and things are looking up again. Or should I say, at least as far as weight is concerned, down.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Goin' to the Country, Gonna Eat A Lot of Peaches

I could wax poetic all day about my love affair with peaches. But I'll try to contain myself. The love I have for peaches is short lived though because while there is nothing better than a fresh, ripe, juicy peach; there is also nothing worse than a hard, bland, grocery store winter peach. YUCK!
Luckily for me, we are right smack dab in the middle of peach season and I am filling my days with ways to consume them. Out of hand is an oldie but a goodie, but I think we can improve upon the concept.
How about peach salsa? Dice up a few ripe peaches, about a 1/4 cup of red onion, 1/2 a red bell pepper, and a little cilantro all tossed together with a teaspoon each of honey and red wine vinegar. Trust me, it's delicious! Try it over salmon or pork chops.
Toss a few slices of peaches in with your fresh green salad the same way you would mandarin oranges. Garnish with almonds and a raspberry vinaigrette. Makes a great side dish or you could add some left-over grilled chicken or fish and you've got a meal for those nights when it's too hot to cook.
And if all of that hasn't gotten you sick of peaches yet, you could try my all time favorite summer dessert. I feel like I could not over state this enough. Words alone are not strong enough for how I feel about this dessert. Not even mentioning the laziness factor alone, this is quite simply one of the tastiest things you will ever put in your mouth. Cobbler Shmobbler.
I'm talking about grilled peaches. Ahhhh. Just the sound of it is sexy, isn't it? Cut your peaches in half, and remove the pit. Brush LIGHTLY with oil, or better yet use no stick cooking spray. Place, flesh side down, on a super hot grill or grill pan for about a minute. Remove to plate. Drizzle with honey and top with one scoop of double churned vanilla bean ice cream or low-fat frozen yogurt. Add a sprig of mint if you're feeling fancy. Now I ask you, what other dessert could be so tasty and come in at less than 250 calories. Plus all the vitamins and fiber in the peach. BooYah!
So there you go. Millions of peaches, peaches for me. Millions of peaches, peaches for free. OK, so maybe they're not free, but they are certainly a lot cheaper when they're in season.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Salt-1, Me-0

Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling so bloated that your eyelids don't really open all the way? You know, you can't really twist your rings on or off your fingers and your pants which fit just fine yesterday are suddenly about a size too small.
What the hell, you think. This can't be. It's not like I ate the whole Christmas ham all by myself yesterday. And it can't have been dehydration. I spent all day at the pool yesterday and consumed truly astonishing amounts of water. Trust me, I was up all night paying the price.
I did break down and have one piece of pizza, with pepperoni and everything. But I swear it was only one piece and I made allowances in my eating for the rest of the day. How much sodium can three or four pieces of pepperoni contain?
OK, OK, lesson learned. No more pizza by the pool or other such frivolities for me. It is totally not worth it and for the second day in a row I have drank water until my eyeballs are practically floating. Guess that salt lick is out of the question. Damn!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Hey, You Got Your Tickets?. . .

"What tickets?" you ask innocently.
"To the GUN SHOW!" I say flexing my biceps maniacally.
Lame, yes, I know. But I have worked hard on my arms and as I have not yet reached my goal weight, these arms are rockin' proof that I have indeed been doing something and not just wished the weight away. If only.
My sister-in-law and I went shopping last night. Yes, I know it's been a theme with me lately but my kids and husband are gone and I have to get while the getting's good. I went chiefly for some new workout pants and cute black sandals, not I might add to wear together. I succeeded in those regards. I also walked away with some cute summer tops. Both of them sleeveless.
Previously, I would never have even considered baring my arms to the world. It was so bad at one point that I would have worn a sweatshirt over my bathing suit if I could have. No more! I always marveled at those women who, while obviously larger than myself, seemed not at all bothered by the fact that their arms were uncovered and out there. What freedom, I thought. What confidence.
Now I get it. I don't have to have the best body, I just need to have a body that I'm not ashamed of. And I'm not ashamed anymore.
In fact, I'm pretty damn proud at this point. Don't agree? Hey, you've seen my arms right?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Third Ring of Hell

Let me just start this post by saying that I love love love to shop! Could shop all day. I'm a firm believer in retail therapy to cure what ails you. My favorite vice is things for my home. A nice vase, a lamp, some beautiful drapes - how exciting. But now it's time to dress, not my nest, but myself. I seem to have put it off way too long.
I have skated by on too big jackets and shirts, dryer shrunk jeans, and an impressive repetoir of yoga pants. Now my 10th Anniversary of being married to Hubby is coming up and he is taking me on a short trip to celebrate. (He is really more of a trip giver than a gift giver, which is fine by me. : ) ) The down side to this whole thing is that I will need to pack a suitcase. CRAP! As my sister-in-law will tell you, I will put off packing my suitcase for any trip until it is practically time to pull out of the driveway. And I always forget something. Thank goodness there's a WalMart on every corner now.
The problem now is not so much that I don't want to pack, but that I really have nothing to pack. I seriously have like one pair of white pants that I love! and a couple of much loved and much worn sun dresses. This does not a summer vacation wardrobe make.
Add to that the fact that my mother has decided to come and kidnap take my kids to her house for a fun-filled week at Gran's. It's like the universe is telling me, "Go buy new clothes. You have no excuse."
And you should neeeevvver ignore the universe. So I suppose I will take myself to the mall. CRAP! Oh well, there's always Sephora!

Monday, July 5, 2010

I Always Knew I was Cool But. . .

I think I may have started something. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. When I got my weighted hula hoop no one in the world (outside of my trainer, of course) had heard of such a thing. "That's nothing but a toy," Hubby protested. "Not if you're doing it right," I countered. Besides I'd like to see his big butt get up and do it. Haaaaa!
But now I have unequivocal proof that the hula hoop is a bonafied piece of workout equipment. The super-great Gabby Reece has endorsed the hula hoop and has even come out with a workout routing that you can do with your hula hoop, weighted or otherwise. Check her out on her website and on the Honey Line at for more information on the hooping workout and Gabby's just general awesomeness.
I can attest to the effectiveness of the hula hoop. Since using it I have lost inches around my middle and my balance and posture have definitely improved. And besides all of that, it's just flippin' fun. So Fat Girl Slim says to go out and get thy self a hula hoop.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

And the Winner Is. . .

Today, as evidenced by the fireworks and hotdogs, is the fourth of July. Independence Day. Here at Fat Girl Slim I have decided to be independent from dieting. In honor of that I had a give away going on in which any new or current follower would be eligible for a Independence From Dieting prize package. This includes a Dance Off the Pounds DVD, a BPA free water bottle, a pedometer, and a few other goodies all designed to help foster a healthier lifestyle and not just fad dieting.
I'm excited to say that after a totally fair drawing* the winner is a new follower, Andrea McCleese! So Andrea, congratulations and welcome to the blog, invite your friends to follow, and feel free to comment. Look for your prize to be delivered before the end of the week.

*by totally fair I mean that my brother installed some sort of randomizing software on my computer and I don't really know how it works, but I put every ones name in and push a button and - ouila! Magic! I think I will start using it to decide what to have for dinner. Kind of like 21st century magic 8 ball.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Disapointment Rides High

I totally carbed-out yesterday. Why, you might ask? Was it a stressful day? Kids driving you nuts? Hubby being hateful? Nope. Just lost my mind, I guess. And when I say carbed-out, I ain't a lyin'. I'm talking about full on, diabetic coma inducing, bread fest.
The day started out innocently enough. Had a healthy breakfast of whole wheat toast w/ homemade sugar-free strawberry jam. Had an amazing workout at the gym then took the babies to our nearby state park for a bit of a hike and a picnic of turkey on whole wheat pita, laughing cow lite cheese wedges, fresh fruit, and yogurt. The kids splashed around in the creek for a bit then we packed up and came home. I did a bit of yard work while the kids played outside. Then we all came in for a snack. They wanted granola bars and chocolate milk, which I provided. Then I proceeded to eat the rest of the pack of pitas. (2 pitas - dry) WTF? What in the world was I smokin'? And I swear smokin' grass makes about as much sense as anything for the munchies that followed.
I realized that I was going down a path that was self-destructive. I tried to snap out of it and eat a healthier dinner. I had earlier put in a chicken to roast with rosemary and thyme. I planned on serving it w/ fresh green beans and thick slices of tomato. Healthy, no? When everything was done the kids were starving. I, of course, not so much. So I fed the kids and tried to distract myself with a few household chores. As it got closer to 8:00 I figured I had better eat something because I didn't want to leave it to too late and I knew if I didn't eat anything before going to bed I would feel like dirt in the morning. So, I ate chicken. That's it, just chicken. Then to top that all off, I ate a few pieces of raisin bread. OK, four, but I can only plead chemical induced hysteria. The chemical being simple sugar.
So, I work up this morning feeling like dirt anyway and maybe even lower than that. A plan, yeah that's it. I need a plan. So hear it is. I started breakfast with yogurt and juice. Gonna do a super cardio workout (might as well use all those carbs to fuel something) then gonna have a moderately sized green salad for lunch. Gonna flush out my system with mass quantities of water and green tea. And gonna hula hoop until I can't hoop no more. And most of all, I am absolutely not gonna eat any simple carbs.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


OK, I know I've bitched about this before, but it's kind of a big deal and well, it just doesn't stop making me mad. Skinny jeans! And gladiator sandals!
Are you kidding me? I suppose they are cute - in a hungry sort of way. But if you weigh more than, oh I don't know, 100 pounds you can't possibly hope to pull off the skinny jeans. Gladiator sandals are a slightly different animal in that you don't necessarily have to be a certain size to wear them. Other than the fact that you probably shouldn't have cankles, which of course leaves me out. And as any big girl knows the goal is to make your legs look longer and leaner and cutting them off visually at the ankle is probably not the best way to do that.
So there you go. Skinny jeans and gladiator sandals can suck it. The fashion police really should just declare that sausage casings are going to be the new must have for fall. It would be less cruel.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Never Sure What to Say

We've all been there. That compliment that we're just not quite sure how to take. Is it back-handed or genuinely well intentioned? To be honest, I've never really been that good at accepting compliments, well meant or otherwise. Even when people are just really trying to be polite I feel like I'm somehow unworthy of it so I downplay it.
I've been trying to do better. When someone gives me a compliment I've been trying to answer with a simple "Thank you." and let it go. No qualifications, no doubts. It feels good.
But there is one compliment that I'm just not too sure of. How do you take it when someone says, "You look so good. You've lost a ton of weight." Umm, yeah I have. Thanks for noticing but did I really look like such a fat slob before?
OK, yes I was fat. I'm not ashamed to admit that because I've worked (and am still working) really hard to change that. I'm not embarrassed by the fact that I was fat. Now. But I used to be terribly embarrassed by the way I looked and any time someone mentions it, it takes me back there.
I know that most people don't mean it that way. Most people are genuinely happy for me, or at least I choose to think so. My group of friends have been especially great. Most everyone has struggled with weight at one time or another and we've all been through so much together that it is impossible to keep secrets or even have hard feeling with them. When one of my friends says that she can tell that I've lost a bunch of weight it makes me feel good.
But what about just casual acquaintances? People from town or people that I only see a few times a year? Yes, I've lost weight. And yes, I'm looking pretty decent these days. But because I look good now, does that mean I looked like a total train-wreck before? I know in my head that it doesn't. But still. . .
So, that's what I'm going to be working on in the next little bit. Learning to accept compliments at their face value. See, I'm more than just a pretty face.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Things That Make You Go, "Hmmmm. . ."

My new obsession (aside from my Kindle) is the Boomerang channel on TV. Does anyone else have this channel? It's basically all the old Hanna Barbera -and otherwise fabulous- cartoon from back in the day. Flintstones, Jetsons, Smurfs, Magilla Gorilla, Top Cat, Yogi Bear, and even Rocky and Bullwinkle. I love it.
But I have noticed something, not so much disturbing as just, well, weird. I can report that there are no over-weight female cartoon characters. Well, except for that time that Mama Cass was on Scooby Doo, but that doesn't really count because she was a real-life person and much as they would have liked to, the animators couldn't very well draw Mama Cass the same size as Michelle Phillips. Have you noticed, though? Wilma and Betty - skinny. Daphne and even Velma - thin. Even Natasha was Russian Bond-girl slender.
So what the heck? I haven't really noticed this in todays cartoons but I think this has more to do with the fact that my kids watch things like Spongebob Squarepants and I don't think Sandy the Squirell could be classified as skinny or otherwise.
I'm thinking this merits further investigation. So don't call. I'm going to pack my pic-i-nic basket with healthy snacks and bring in those pesky kids for a Throw Back Cartoon Marathon. Have a Smurftastic Day.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just a Few Notes on Being 30

It has been over six full months since I plunged into the big 3-0 and I really could not feel better. As my thirties were coming up, I was strangely clam about it, excited even. My only apprehension was wondering if my early acceptance of being 30 was setting me up for a major downfall. Not too sure about that one but for now I am loving being 30. There are no more questions of "who am I?" or "what should I do about this?" Being 30 has given me a strange permission to be an adult. I love it.
I no longer have to explain myself or what I do to anyone. I didn't finish college, I don't have a job, I'm basically trained for NOTHING. I used to feel really bad about all of this, but now I find it remarkably freeing. I do have a great husband who is a great provider for our family. I have two very well-behaved children. I have a beautiful home that I have had the privilege of making comfortable for our family. And yes, even though I don't work, I have a cleaning lady. Deal with it. I have. I no longer feel guilty about not having a "career" so to speak. I really admire all my friends who have careers that they love and are good at, but I have decided that "Housewife Philanthropist" is not a bad position to be in. 30 says that I don't have to feel guilty about it anymore.
But here recently there a few more things that 30 has been saying to me. Things like "You should probably be taking calcium so you don't break a hip down the road." Obviously 30 has never seen the padding protecting these hips or it might not worry so much, but that's beside the point. OK, I'll take your damn calcium. And, "Maybe glitter is no longer the way to go." That one I can live with just fine, thank you very much. And the killer, "Perhaps you should look into some wrinkle cream. At least around the eyes, hmm?"
Wrinkle cream?!? What the hell? Are you kidding me? My eyes are just fine. Oh, wait a minute. What's that? Is that the beginnings of crows feet? And are those squint lines between my eyebrows starting to be permanent? I keep telling myself that it has more to do with losing weight and losing some of the fullness that was always in my face, rather than any actual aging on my part. I doubt it. DAMN IT!

I was cursed with the oiliest skin known to man. I deal with teenage-like zits when most of my friends skin has been cleared up for years. You would think that would give me some sort of dispensation from early-onset wrinkles. Wouldn't you? I suppose not.
So I haul myself into Sephora. A sacrifice, I know. I mean, I'm hardly ever there. Only three of the sales girls know my name. Oh, and the one guy with the green eyeliner that knows how to apply false eyelashes just right. But no eyelashes for me. The girls look confused. No lipstick? No mascara? Not even some new bronzer? No thank you. Point me to the skin care. I'm here for my wrinkles. They all gasp in shock. Well, they would. They're all 20somethings. Bitches.
Now I'm really ready for 30. I've got all the tools in my toolbox now. I've got my peptides, and serums, and CoQ-10 complexes. I've got my multi-vitamin and my fish oil that promises to take care of my heart. I've got my Spanx (an oldie but a goodie) and I've got my big girl shoes.
Oh yeah! I forgot to mention the best part of being 30. I now have permission to buy ridiculously expensive shoes. Not Manolo's exactly - I mean, I still live in eastern Kentucky. But I am loving my new Cole Haan peep-toe pumps with the Nike insole. Oh, and the strappy sandals. And the Charles David boots.
See, 30 kicks ass! Mama don't shop at Payless no more unless she wants to.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Independance Day Contest!!!

This Fourth of July we're honoring Independence Day by freeing ourselves from dieting. Diet is a four-letter word at my house and if you hear me use it, it is in reference to the way that we eat - not some crack-brained lose weight quick scheme.
We have made healthy eating and exercise an everyday part of our lives and in so doing have gained Independence from yo-yo dieting and the health hazards that go along with it. So in honor of our nation's Independence Day, I'm having a contest here on Fat Girl Slim.
All you have to do is invite some friends to follow the blog and you and them will be entered to win a package that includes items to help you live healthy every day. On July 4th a random winner will be chosen from all followers.
Prize includes 10 Minute Solution Fat Blasting Dance Mix DVD, pedometer, BPA free water bottle, and maybe a few surprises. I figure it's a win-win. I maybe get a few new followers, thereby allowing me to get cooler features on the blog. And you get a chance to win a prize.
So, good luck and quit dieting!10 Minute Solution: Fat Blasting Dance MixBase Brands 16-Ounce Reduce WaterWeek Bottle, Set of 5Pedometer for walking fit & Staying fit!*

* Style and color of water bottle and pedometer may differ based on availability at end of contest.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Temporary Insanity Due to Hormonal Imbalance

Today I lost my mind.
But I am not worried. Much. You see it happens every month around the same time. In fact you could set your watch by it. I probably have the most regular menstrual cycle in the free freakin' world. Every 28 days. Around mid-day. No kidding. You can't make this crap up. Who would want to?!? And I'm not on the pill.
Now I know that it may not me the most lady-like subject to discuss, (ironic, no?) but despite all evidence of extreme regularness- I seem to have a bit of period craziness going on.

You see, on the second day of my cycle I lose my mind. Again, seriously. I have been known to drive 30 minutes out of my way. Before I even realized it. Or go on buying binges for clothes that I didn't even check the sizes on, much less bothered to try on. I've gotten the kids up and dressed for school before one of them became awake enough to remind me, "Uh, Mom? It's spring break." And always, every freakin' month, I go on a crazy lady eating binge.
Everyone has times when you eat something that you know you probably shouldn't and you look at it, weigh your options, commit to the extra cardio, and go for it anyway. I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about me eating hot dogs for supper. Something I would never otherwise consider worth the calories. Two of them. Plus a bowl of cherries, which in and of itself wouldn't be so bad. But I followed it all up with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie. Are you kidding me? Little Freakin' Debbie? I blew it all on hot dogs and Little Debbies? WTF? I won't even go into the Hostess Ho Ho incident of 1996. Suffice it to say I can't even have them in the house for fear of a relapse.
The truly disturbing thing is that I didn't even consider what I was doing while I was doing it. There was never a moment of, "maybe this isn't the best thing for me to be eating it" I didn't even give myself the courtesy of trying to lie to myself or make excuses for why I "needed" that junk. I'm not entirely sure yet if that's a good thing or bad. I mean, there could have been a huge-ass chocolate cake on the counter and I might have eaten the whole thing and been wiping crumbs off my shirt before I thought to ask myself if cake was really what I wanted.
Usually I try to plan ahead for "Day 2" as my husband calls it. He doesn't avoid the PMS, like most husbands. PMS really isn't a problem for me. But he is aware that on Day 2 he's going to have to follow me around like a newly-sprung mental patient because I'm as likely to give all our money away to buy back-packs for homeless orphans of circus freaks or some other such bull shit as I am to eat a whole box of saltines. However, Hubby is not here. He is on the boat. Just like he is every other month. Lucky bastard!
That is why I cannot make, nor keep, any appointments on the third Monday of every even-numbered month. Besides, I would be too busy eating pickles, or 14 scrambled eggs, or just toast - all day.
All I can say is that it is a good thing that it only lasts one day. I suppose one day is not going to kill me. Provided that I don't suddenly develop a craving for rat poison or something. I can always go on super-detox tomorrow. My usual "day after" eating plan includes yogurt, whole grains, and fresh vegis. I actually do this for a couple days along with a bit of extra cardio. In this way I have managed not to gain like 1,000 pounds following my King Henry VIII at the banquet days.
"After all, tomorrow is another day. . ."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Stuck Between a Peach Pit and a Hard Place

Where I live is rural. We're talking pipe-in-the-sunshine rural. You ever heard that Mark Twain saying? "When the end of the world happens, I want to be in Kentucky because they are always 20 years behind the rest of the world." Well, it's true. And my small corner of it is even further behind than that. I love my local grocery store and feel that it's just as important to buy local as it is to buy organic, but organic isn't even in my stores vocabulary. They've finally gotten on the whole grains bandwagon but times are slow to change.
I'm thankful for my local farmers market where I can fulfill both my local and organic obligations. But I can't do all my shopping at a fruit stand. Even I get sick of farm-fresh peaches after a while. A very long while, but still.
So here's my dilemma. When I really need to stock up do I drive the extra miles (and use the extra gas) to go to the really good grocery store that carries all my produce and frozen favorites? Or do I stick local, thereby saving time and gas, but probably paying a little more and maybe not getting what I want? The time spent works out about the same by the time I have to go to two or three places to fill my list in town as opposed to one stop out of town.
So far I've been able to stock up when I'm already going out of town for Dr.'s appointment and the like. But it's summertime and the livin' is supposed to be easier. I want to lay by the pool not spend all my time in my mom-wagon super cool SUV driving all over hell and half of Georgia looking for local-grown organic leaf lettuce.
So what does everyone else do? Do you stock up or buy as you need? Do you prefer organic or local? Or do you think I'm off my rocker for even devoting this amount of time to it?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Big Changes on the Horizon

For a while now there has been a little idea rolling around in the back of my head that I need to shake things up. I've been in a blogging rut for a while and since I've been stalled out in the weight loss for roughly the same amount of time I can't say that the two are necessarily unrelated.
So I'm thinking maybe some format changes. A few new features. Maybe a new name or something. I'm still not real sure, but some thing's gotta give, if you know what I mean.
I am completely open to any suggestions or ideas. Drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking. Anything you want to see added, or maybe something you don't care so much for. Or maybe just any crazy old idea that you'd like to let me know. I'm open to just about anything. Well, except maybe fortune telling. A girl's got to keep some secrets, after all.

Monday, June 14, 2010


Hello, my name is Keila and I'm a Tanorexic. Those of you who know me will know that this is very out of character. I am totally anti-tanning bed and quite frankly anti-heat. The summer is my least favorite time of year and I would gladly clean toilets in the air-conditioned inside rather than do ten minutes of sweat inducing yard work. (note: I actually love gardening, I just have to get up really early to do it). So the idea that I would be an avid sun seeker is as foreign an idea as me willingly standing naked in front of a group of strangers. Really when you think about it, it's not that different. I have happily spent the last week laying on a beach with thousands of strangers wearing not much more than my underwear.
Admittedly, I have lost some weight since the last time I went to the beach. BTW, Mindy, I looked around and couldn't find your shoes anywhere ;-) Still, I hadn't lost enough to justify the wearing of a bikini, and I don't think I ever will. Those days are far behind me. There's still the little matter of stretch marks, after all. So I found myself a super-hot one piece. (Thank you, Lands End for bra-cup sizing!!!) It is in a Grecian style and it's peacock blue, which sets the tan off nicely.
And that brings us back to my original point. I layed and I turned and I burned a little and still I layed some more. I came back from the beach with a tan the likes of which I haven't seen since we covered our high-school selves in baby oil because we didn't know any better. Now I do know better, or so you would think. But still, there I was out there sunning my buns. But now I'm home and things should be getting back to normal. But here's the thing, I don't want to lose the tan. I like my newly golden skin. Who knew I could like my knees so much?!?
I'm not willing to go to the tanning bed or even devote a lot of deck time to maintaining said tan so I suppose the healthiest and best way would be for me to visit my local spray-tan salon. Now I will just have to remember to pay attention when it's time to turn. I don't want four "4"s on the front, after all.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Too Hot to Move

Just got back from vacation. Well, vacation #1. The Northwoods of Wisconsin are really beautiful this time of year. It was 75-80 degrees every day with very little, if any humidity. I looooved it. We fished and hiked and our friends let the kids borrow their paddle boat so we laughed. A lot. And of course we ate. But I was pretty good. I indulged in some cheese and beer but I tried to balance everything out. I had my yogurt for breakfast and had plenty of fruits and vegis and I stuck to MGD 64 for my beer drinking. And we were plenty active so I think I came away with only 2 extra pounds which I'm holding out on because we were in the car for 15 hours yesterday and I think there is some fluid retention going on. It's hard to stay hydrated with a husband that hates the words, "I have to pee."
I've got a two day hiatus before we go on vacation #2 to Myrtle Beach. I'm going to use this weekend to power slam some fresh vegis and all the water I can hold in order to try and flush out some of the damage from Lumberjack Land. Activity will be a little hard though. I bet you didn't know that Kentucky was a tropical location, did you? Well, come hang out here for a few days and you will be a believer. According to my deck thermometer it is 92 degrees with 82% humidity. My poor husband is out mowing the grass right now and he really needs gills instead of lungs. My hound dogs are literally spilled out under the fan in my living room. And my dreams of a hike are gone with the wind. If there was any wind. The good news is that it's too hot to cook or even eat. "So I got that going for me, which is nice."
I'll be glad to get to the beach. Where it still may be hot, but I just don't seem to care that much when I have a frozen concoction in my hand and the ocean breeze blowing over my face.

* Recipe for good for you frozen concoction. (well, at least not tragic for you)
1 frozen banana
1/2 cup coconut water, frozen (not coconut milk!)
1/2 cup fresh fruit of your choice (I like pineapples for a pina colada thing)
1 oz. rum
take it for a spin in the blender and enjoy. If you have a little umbrella and an orange slice for the side, more better

Friday, May 28, 2010

Friday Quickie 5/28

Today is the last day of school for my babies. I am looking forward to being lazy with them this summer. No schedule - no problem. But that will have to wait a few days. Tomorrow we take off for another torture ride road trip.
We evidently lost our minds during the planning stages. We're driving about 14 hours to our lake house in northern Wisconsin, staying a week, then driving 14 hours home. Then two days later turning around and driving 9 hours to the beach for a week, then 9 hours back.
There is no good way to take a road trip without stopping at a convenience store. You need gas and if you're me, you need to pee. A lot. Which brings us to road trip food. My favorites- Combos, Slim Jims, Snickers, Mt. Dew - are all off the menu this year. Totally not going to do that to myself. So it will be 90 calorie granola bars, turkey jerky, and if I'm really lucky, a York peppermint patty and a diet Mt. Dew for me.
Pray for my road rage.

10 Things I Hate About Summer

1. The kids are home, which I actually love, but when my husband goes back to work it seriously cuts into my gym time. And if you think that you can get in a good workout with a hula hoop, some hand weights and a treadmill, well, you've clearly never tried to do it to the tune of "Stop it!" & "I'm telling!".

2. Hot dogs. Or more specifically Bratwurst. There is no such thing as a GOOD turkey bratwurst. They are out there, sure, but we're talking about GOOD here. I'm one of those people that is not real big on substitutions. If I can't have exactly what I want, then I'd just as soon have nothing at all.

3. The heat. Oh, God, the heat. I hate it. I hate the humidity. Heat and humidity are not the big girls friend. And let's not even get into what it does to my hair. I'm not one of those blessed with curly hair and I hate it when those girls bitch about how the humidity makes their hair so big. My hair is flat as a flitter and any humidity just plasters it to my head. Not a good look.

4. Teenage girls. Yes, I used to be one and yes, I probably flaunted it. And to be honest, if I had known how annoying it was to thirty-something women I probably would have still done it. But I really hate all of them with their skinny little waists and perky firm boobs. What do they know? Youth really is waisted on the young.

5. The pool. I think that all women, no matter what size, hate bathing suit season. It is such a cliche, but most universal truths usually are. Even though we all have body issues and we know that no body is perfect we all hate putting on that bathing suit and going out among other people. And yes, we really do judge each other. Any one who says otherwise is a big fat bathing suit liar.

6. Cookouts. This goes back to the hot dogs and bratwurst, but it also goes beyond. It seems that every weekend of the summer is filled with someone or another's cookout. Hot dogs, hamburgers, barbecue, potato salad, pie, ice cream. . .

7. Vacation. Sure vacation has its high points. And most vacations are quite enjoyable, else why would we do it. But it is next to impossible to lose weight on vacation. I can almost always manage to maintain, but losing - not so much.

8. Shorts. I don't care what you say. I can not wear shorts. Even when I was younger/thinner I could not pull off shorts. Which is a shame because I actually have pretty long legs, it's just I have never been able to find a pair of shorts that flattered. And don't get me started on capris.

9. Dog hair. I know this has nothing to do with losing weight and the whatnot, but every year at about this time my do decides to shed. I don't know how he is not bald. In the past few days I have vacuumed up enough hair to make a whole other dog.

10. Beer, wine, and margaritas. I actually love those things and that is the problem. To me it is not summer with out hanging out on my back deck with my friends sharing gossip and a glass of good summer wine or beer or margarita or whatever.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Just When I thought I'd Run Out of Ways to Hurt Myself

So, I have basically managed in just thirty short years to injure myself in a surprising number of ways. I have fallen down more times than I can count, breaking my foot/ankle three times. I've had some amazingly gruesome cuts all received in mind-numbingly dull ways. 13 stitches from cleaning a light fixture, anyone. And the piece de resistance, I am the only person I know who has paper-cut my eyeball. No, you read it right. Paper cut my eyeball. Any time you can make your doctor say, "you did what?" you know you've really done something. I thought I was getting a really cool eye patch, but alas I'm not near cool enough to rock the pirate look.
But even the eye didn't keep me down for long. I was back in the gym the next day. Now, however I have managed to do something that astounds even me. I don't even know what to call such an injury. You know how little kids bump their heads and get what is called a goose egg bump? Well, I have one. On  the top of my foot. For real. I could explain, but it's a really long story and I come off not too bright. So we;ll just say that I dropped something large and ridiculous (not ridiculously large, just to be clear) on my foot. Now I can't stand to walk on it and it throbs with my heartbeat as it has swollen to about half again its normal size. I actually have a hump-backed foot. WTH???
I am still able to break out the trusty hula hoop which I have made it up to about 20 minutes on. (did I mention that it's a 5 lb hula hoop) And I can of course work on my arms. So I fully expect to have some rockin' guns by the time my foot heals up. I guess I can look forward to the pool. But I just wanted to state for the record that this SUCKS! I am really the worst patient. Any other time I would scheme for ways to lay around with my feet up. But now, damn it! I hate the ice and the elevation and I hate having to alter my eating plan to account for the lack of calorie burn.
Guess I'll hobble off on vacation. And really, who am I kidding? Like I was going ot do a lot of exercising on vacation. I can still paddle a canoe and cast a fishing pole. All in all it should be a normal vacation.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Royally Ironic

This post has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. I just thought this was a funny little ironic twist in the life of Keila and thought to share. Who couldn't use a funny on Monday, right? Allow me to explain. . .
For Christmas last year I decided to research and create my husband's family tree. I'm a huge history buff and even majored in it in college so the research was fun for me. It took me about three months but I finally made it as far back to 1500s Germany (a part of France at the time) and a family with a long history of beer making. No real surprise there. There were even a few shady characters hiding in the leaves of his family tree. You know, the usual horse thief, bigamist, even a crooked politician from Albany, but it was as nothing when I started researching my own tree.
A few years ago my grandfather had done the paternal line of my tree and so I was pretty much halfway there. It was interesting. Two passengers on the Mayflower, a Revolutionary war hero, a real-life character from a Shakespearean play, and even a burned-at-the-stake heretic. Interesting, yes.
Then I started on my mom's side and frankly, I didn't expect to find much more than the usual bits of Scotch-Irish immigrant history typical of our region. Boy was I wrong.
Imagine my surprise when I started to notice something around the middle of the thirteenth century. I started noticing names like De Welles (my great-grandmother was a Wells), and Neville, and De Broas, and what the hell - Plantagenet. Perhaps these name mean nothing to you, but to my history loving heart they meant everything. Could it be? Could I possibly be descended from royalty? My mind was a blur. It must be, I thought. In my head I've always known I was a queen. Ha Ha!
So I did what any sane person would do. I dug further. Drum roll please. . . I am indeed descended from royalty from several different lines, only one of which being legitimate. The really interesting finds are that I am directly descended from a bastard son of King Henry II, one William Longspee (or Longspear) through his infamous mistress Rosamond (or Rosalyn) Clifford. Ooooohhhh, juicy. Wait for it, though, it gets even better.
I am also descended from another son of King Henry II. A certain John Lackland. You may be more familiar with him as King John I. You know, of Robin Hood fame. Brother to King Richard the Lionheart, the evil Prince John and all that. My line of descent to him comes to me courtesy of another Royal bastard. This time his daughter Joanne, who went on the marry the Prince of Wales (its own country at the time).
So there you have it. What started out as my interest in my royal bloodlines has turned into a discovery of ill repute. Some people I suppose would think it was shameful. I myself think it's awesome!!! Just think, I am descended from a long line of cheats, scoundrels, and whores. Turns out the bad attitude is genetic. History has it's use after all.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Hoopin' Happy

The five pound weighted hula hoop has turned into a bit of an obsessive nightmare. We are in a love/hate relationship right now. I hate to love the hoop and it loves to hate me. Yes, I know that the hoop is an inanimate object, but I assure you the thing has a personality all its own.
When I first started out it was so very hard. I wanted to zig and the hoop wanted to zag. Then I became inspired to turn some music on and just as Shorty got her apple-bottom jeans and those boots with the fur I got my rhythm.
For the past week my hips have shaken more than a little Polynesian girl on crack. The hoop lays in the middle of my living room floor (try explaining that to your in-laws) and calls to me. In just this one week I can feel my core getting stronger. Evidently the hoop works muscles that I didn't know I had. Something else new on the scene is this great looking bruise I have developed over my right hip bone. It's very colorful and shaped like West Virginia. I've hooped through the pain and my fellow hoopers tell me that once this bruise is gone it is unlikely that i will get another unless I move up to a heavier hoop which is also unlikely.
All in all, I give the weighted hula hoop a very big thumbs up. It's low impact, portable (which means I can do it while I watch TV) and it's just a lot of freakin' fun.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Skinny Bitches part 2

Oh my god, they are everywhere! No matter where I look or which way I turn there is a skinny bitch standing there to try an make me feel bad about myself. Two years ago their arsenal of skinny jeans and teeny bra straps would have sent me sailing straight for the nearest ice cream stand. But not today. Somewhere along the way I have managed to turn all that intimidation into pure unadulterated hatred.
I don't hate all thin women. I even get testy when someone says the oft' repeated "real women have curves" Well, as it happens I know plenty of strong, healthy, beautiful, REAL women who just happen not to have curves. But we are not talking about them.
We are talking about the chain smoking, view from above their noses, red bull & vodka, SKINNY BITCHES.
"I don't know what it is, I can eat all I want to and never gain any weight!" Really? And you felt the need to tell me this why. . .? Oh, yeah - now I see. I'm supposed to verbally acknowledge your physical superiority. Bite me, slim!
And skinny jeans - seriously. Don't even get me started. I recognize that there are many different body types and that not all bodies can wear all fashion. But, come on. The only women that can wear skinny jeans (and look good)  are super-model tall and twice as skinny. Out of my large group of friends I can think of only one woman who can authentically rock a pair of skinny jeans.
And speaking of fashion. . .
Raise your hand if you've ever gone shopping and been really excited to run into a sale only to realize that the only size left in the item you want is an XS. Wake up fashion industry and department store buyers! Wouldn't it stand to reason that if you consistently have only XS sizes left over and all the XL and L fly off the shelves before they barely get hung up that maybe, just perhaps, you should order more XL and L and let the XS fend for themselves. They'll be OK - they have skinny jeans.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hoop Dreams

Just call me a fool. I bought a hula hoop today. A weighted hula hoop. A 5 pound weighted hoop. Now to get a full and accurate picture of my foolishness you should know that before today I didn't even know how to hula hoop. Hey, don't judge! It's harder than it looks.
So I get the stupid thing back to the safety of my own home only to have my dog look at me in that way that says, "you're kidding me with this, right?" I turned on Rachael Ray and I hooped and I hooped until finally I got a little wiggle in my jiggle and hula-ed my somewhat substantial ass off.
Allegedly, for ever three minutes spent hooping burns 100 calories (give or take based on both the size of the hoop and the weight of the junk in your trunk). This remains to be seen, but I definitely felt like I got a proper abdominal workout.
Plus I have a huge bruise cropping up across my right hip-bone. Five pounds orbiting around my jelly roll is evidently nothing to sneeze at. But hey, what's a little internal bleeding among friends if it can give me abs of steel?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Pounds vs. Inches

Today was weigh-in day. I've worked really really hard for the past few weeks trying to prepare for this day. Ate all my vegis, drank all my water, did all my exercises (and then some). And for what? That scale is a bitch!
I've actually been feeling pretty good about my body lately. My waist has been way trimmer and my arms, well, lets just say you better get your tickets. Tickets? To the gun show, baby. OK, totally lame, I know. But I've done enough triceps rows and lateral lifts and weighted punches to equal rowing around the world. So shut up!
I even got into those infamous white pants on Mother's Day. I didn't just get into them - I rocked them. They weren't at all tight and they kissed my curves in all the right places.
And, Ta-Da! I had lost almost 6.5 inches (3.5 from my waist) in two months. So, I should be feeling pretty good about myself right now? And I do. But what's the rub?
I had actually GAINED almost one pound in the same time frame. Yes, I know it's just a pound, but still. I'm trying to lose not gain. And yes, I know that the way my clothes fit and how my body looks is WAAAAY more important than any number on a scale. But, Jesus F-ing Chocolate Covered Christ On A Pogo Stick!!! I've worked really hard and I want those numbers going south, damn it.
I guess that short of going on a lettuce and water diet, I'm going to have to get serious here. Maybe a three day cleanse is in order or who knows what. The next weigh in is going to be different if I can help it. I wonder how much hair weighs? I'm due for a hair cut.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

All By Myself. . .Don't Wanna Be All By Myself Anymore

As a stay-at-home mom of two very active and loudly opinionated kids I spend a lot of my time fantasizing about what I would do if I actually had a weekend to myself. No kids, no husband, just me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my kids (and Hubs too, I guess), but come on. What mom hasn't fantasized about a big ol' bubble bath, some wine, a good book, maybe a girlie movie or some such foolery - and NO ONE to share it with. The problem is, I never really expected to get it.
My kids left yesterday and all I can think about is a quote from Spock (you know, the Vulcan. Star Trek). "Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is highly illogical, but often true." Don't ask me why I know a quote from Star Trek. I don't know. I suspect that Spock actually lifted the quote from someone else. But that's beside the point. The point being that I had built up this dream weekend in my head and the reality just kind of, well. . .sucks.
I spent last night with my best girl friends and it was sooooo much fun. Let me just say that if you have never gotten all dressed up in your fanciest clothes and gone to eat at a truck stop with eight of your best, and similarly dressed, friends - you don;t know the fun you're missing. But after the last friend left my house at midnight last night, and all the wine glasses had made their way to the sink, and all the trash in the cans, I just kind of sighed in boredom. There were no babies to check on, no alarm to set, not even a hubby to snuggle up with.
I decided that I would no waste today. It has been a gift to have this time alone and I am going to use it to my advantage. Sooo, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish today. Go to gym - check. Wrap mothers day presents - check. Make green bean salad for mothers day cookout - check. Do my extra 30 minutes of cardio - check. Bath the dog - check. Do a load of delicates - check. By this point it was only 1:00. No lie. WTH? Why is it that I can barely get half this stuff done before bedtime when the kids are here?
So I went to WalMart. Big mistake. Huge huge mistake. It is not too far removed from the first of the month and it's the last day before mothers day. Let's just say that the website is not just a novelty. As with most cliches, there is always truth behind them. I think I saw the third woman down in aisle 3.
So now I'm home. It's still only 5:00. I think I'll see what's on TV and then maybe take that bubble bath that sounded so good previously. I have at least learned something from this whole episode though. You know how you see dogs chasing cars and you wonder what they would do with it if they caught it. I know. Evidently they would do the same thing I have done all day. Stand around scratching their heads going, "Well, hmmph. Now what?"

Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday Quickie 5/7

Tonight I am going on a mystery date with my friends. There are about 8 of us who have been friends forever and it used to be that we could get together on someone's couch and spend a really fun night. But now we are ALL married and some of us have kids and some of us have jobs and some of us have *gasp* other friends. So now, apparently, we have gotten to the age where we have to have activities to entertain us.
Tonight my BFF and sister-in-law is planning what we will be doing and if any of you knew her you would be nervous too. It could really be anything from going to the zoo to going to a male strip club to attending a murder mystery dinner. I guess the only appropriate attire for all of those venues would be. . .dark sunglasses.
We have now officially become one of those groups of friends you read about in Southern Living magazine who goes on trips together once a year. Next time is my turn and I really want us all to go to Fitness Ridge, but on the other hand I still want them to love me when it's over. So I'm thinking day spa or at least pedicures.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday Quickie! 4/30/10

Der-by! Der-by! Der-by! That's right, sports fans. It's that time of year again. Time for the "most exciting two minutes in sports!" The Kentucky Derby! The first Saturday in May. The Great Kentucky Showcase. Call it what you want. I call it a good damn time.
No, I don't go to The Derby. Kentuckians don't actually go to The Derby, We get all dressed up and have big ol' parties. We wear big hats and drink bourbon without much julep. We bet on our favorite horses, not so much on the odds, as how much we like the name. And we never ever bet on a non-KY horse.
So I got my dress, I got my hat, I got my Woodford, and now I just have one question. If I'm wearing a great big hat does my butt size go down proportionately? Just sayin'. . .

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Who knew?!?!?!

Today was the day I had set aside for gardening and unlike most things on my to-do list, I actually did it. Most things do get done, eventually. But today was gardening day and gardening I did. It felt good.
I like gardening. It is very soothing and relaxing and I am one of those weird people who likes to play in the dirt. The one thing gardening is not, though, is easy. It is wicked hard work.
There's the bending and pulling, the lifting and digging. And the walking and carrying - good grief, the carrying. But when you're all done you have a beautiful lush green garden to enjoy.
We do enjoy it, too. My family and I are lucky enough to live on a lush hillside in Appalachia. We can look off our back deck and see nothing but the tree tops below us. Seriously, when the Air Force does fly-bys (which they do here often) they are BELOW us. The view from the back of my house is amazing and the view from the front is only slightly less spectacular. So I try to plant things that enhance all the green we got going on here. I plant lots of cool colors in the pots on my deck because they complement the shady area. And by the front porch I plant hot pink to accent my front door. Plus, I have a butt load several shrubs and perennials that need fertilized and mulched and tended. This year I also planted a climbing rose on the side of the house that I thought would look charming growing up the side of my brick house.
Gardening is also one of those activities that allows you time to think. Actually hear your own thoughts instead of mentally making a grocery list or listening for the dryer to ding out of one ear. Today, as I was sweating carrying 40lb bags of mulch, I got to thinking about gardening as exercise.
Now normally, I don't count my household activities as exercise. I just consider it part of my lifestyle. But the kind of gardening I was doing today was definitely not part of my day to day activities. So I hit google when I came inside and found out (by averaging the results of several different sites) that I could be burning up to 289 calories an hour. Holy Crap! Seriously? Since I was out there for about 2 1/2 - 3 hours I figure I burned about 723 calories. YIKES!
So now I'm wondering a couple of things. Like, how many other calories do we neglect to realize we're burning? And, do you think any of my neighbors need their spring gardening work done?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

Especially when I have stuff to do! To be fair, I usually love the rain. I love the gray skies and the sound that it makes on my window sills. I love how everything seems to be suspended when it rains. I love how everything seems somehow "greener". I imagine what it would be like to live in Ireland.
But, alas, I'm in good ol' KY and I have a ton of stuff to do before the annual  2 week slog-fest road trip with he fam. This year, like every year, we are taking the kids to the lake house in Wisconsin for the week only to turn around and come home and head out to South Carolina two days after we get back. Yes, i know how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I am a glutton for punishment. But to be honest, the Hubs and I love a road trip. And yes, taking two kids on that many miles can be a bit of a challenge. But we are all about providing them with future fodder with which to complain about us. "Think you've got it bad? My parents once made me and my brother set in the back seat. Together! For 2000 miles. In one summer!" Ahhh, good times.
So, I am looking forward to vacation, always with a wary eye. But for now things have to be done here at Bushwood. BTW, that's what my husband and I have termed our estate little house on the hill. No, we do not think we are that important, but yes, it is from Caddyshack.
Back to the point. I need to plant all my flowers and shrubs and get them well-established before my sister-in-law comes to house sit. She has promised to water said plants but makes no guarantees on the eventual outcome. I, in turn, have promised to bring her back some really good cheese from Wisconsin but make no guarantee about stinkiness of said cheese.
I also need to get my windows washed and the deck power washed. And the basement needs cleaned out and painted. None of this is being helped by this rain that has decided to settle over the Ohio River Valley for the past 5 days.
Oh, and did I mention that I have set the totally unrealistic goal of losing 15 lbs by the end of May. I know it sounds crazy, and it probably is. But I do have some logical thinking behind it. See I have been in a slump for the last two months. That's right, TWO MONTHS! I have gained and lost the same 2-4 pounds over and over again since Valentine's.  But, I think that I have finally busted through and if I can get a bit of a jump-start I could actually reach a pretty impressive number by vacation.
That is to say, if I could actually get outside and do something. Yes, I have my videos and my treadmill and my gym. But to me nothing is s substitute for a good old fashioned walk. I try to walk 3-4 miles a day 3 days a week. (Plus my regular gym workouts) and now that it's nice out I've added to that with hikes at our local State Park. Love me some hiking. It makes me feel athletic and outdoors-y.
So I guess I'll just be hitting the gym harder and riding the treadmill a little longer and watching the forecast to see when I can actually emerge from this cave. Dramatic, I know.  But you don't understand. It's actually raaaainnninng out there.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday Quickie!

Today is my son, Jakob's, 7th birthday. Jakob is my "baby" and his sister, Kaity, is 10 1/2 (evidently when you're 10 the 1/2 is very important.)
When I was pregnant with Kait I gained -gasp- 70lbs. But when I was pregnant with Jake I only gained 15, due to the fact that I was sick the ENTIRE time.
My point today is this - I don't think I can call it "pregnancy weight" anymore when my "baby" is 7.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Fried Chicken Is Not Considered a Quality Source of Protein?

This is not secret as I think I have mentioned it before. I live in the South. Specifically, Kentucky. And unfortunately most (though certainly not all) of the things you think about when you think "South" are rooted in the truth.
Yes, we say things like "y'all" and "fixin' to". Yes, we love us some big ol' hair. You know, the higher the hair, the closer to Jesus. (by the way that's Jesus with a Y - 'Jay-sus') And besides, the bigger your hair is the smaller your butt looks. Trust us, we know. We still say things like "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" and "please" and "thank you" and no one thinks you're being excessively polite - except Yankees. On the other hand Southerners have perfected the art of the fake polite. You see when a Southern woman dislikes you, you may never know it until it's too late. We'll slop sugar all over you and say things like "How's your momma been doin'?" or "those are just the cutest shoes!" These things are code for "I've got my eye on you, so don't be trying anything". But when you get the ol' "Well, bless your heart.", especially if it comes with a head tilt - It's too late. The best thing to do is politely excuse yourself and seek cover. That woman surely hates you.
That's not to say that all southern women are just a big ol' bunch of bitches, but we can certainly hold our own. No, in fact, you will never have a truer friend.  When your husband has to work away for a while don't be surprised if your yard just magically gets mowed. When your hound dog gets loose, don't worry. Someone will recognize the mutt and send him home. And if someone that you're even vaguely related to should have the misfortune of dying - expect a casserole promptly at dinner time. Which brings me to my point. Food.
Yes, when you thing Southern you think food. No one ever said, "Ummm, going up North to get me some of that good Northern food." That's ridiculous. The South is famous for it's food the world over and so much of our traditions are steeped in food and/or the preparation of it. You've got tailgating and crawfish boils, church suppers and fried chicken, homemade biscuits and sweet tea, bar-b-que and bourbon,iron skillets and julep cups, cornbread stuffing and Sunday at Mamaws. And Bob knows that there ain't nobody can cook like a Southern Mamaw.
My Mamaw Carolyn could whip up the fluffiest melt-in-your mouth biscuits. Ummmm. Biscuits just ain't been the same since she passed. And you cannot convince a Southern Mamaw that you've had enough to eat.
"No thanks, Mamaw. I believe I'm full."
"La, you didn't hardly eat enough to fill up a bird. Come on now and try some of this. This'll fill you up."
And it's your mamaw and you wouldn't dream of talking back to your mamaw. That's just sass.
So what do you do? How is a person supposed to lose weight when so much of our lives are tied up in food. It's easy for someone to say that you just need to focus on activies where food is not the main attraction. But that's just not the way of life around here. And it's not fair to me, or to my family and friends to exclude myself from situations where I know that I'll be tempted. I just need to have a little stronger will power. Make better choices. Realize that yes, I can have a piece of fried chicken, but only one, and no dessert. Or if I want dessert, then I will have just a bite, and no more. That's really what I'm after anyways. The taste. And wouldn't I rather have a 64 calorie beer when I tailgate than to have no beer at all?
So I guess what I'm saying is that life's all about compromises, y'all. You can have you a biscuit as long as you're fixin' to hit the gym afterwards. And certainly having your hair jacked to Jesus is no harm to nobody. And by all means have you a piece of that peach pie, but now don't you be eyeballin' that pecan pie. BTW a crawfish boil is, funnily enough, one southern tradition NOT steeped in fat and calories. It consists of boiling a big bunch of potatoes and corn and smoked sausage. Then boiling the crawfish (or shrimp if you prefer) in a bunch of spices. Then dump it all out on newspaper and enjoy. As long as you avoid too much of the sausage - Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Maybe Baby???

No, don't pass out. I said that I was not having any more children and I meant it. The two I have, the wonderful little weirdos, are quite enough - thank you very much. No, I was actually thinking of starting my own from-home business. BabyCakes Custom Cupcakes. Whadaya think?
Yes, I know cupcakes are not by any stretch of the imagination diet food. But I'm not on a diet, anyways. And as far as I'm concerned a cupcake free existance is not a life I'm willing to contemplate. Woman cannot live by lettuce alone! Believe me, I've tried.
Now, hear me out. I want to use all natural and organic ingredients and show that while cupcakes may never be called health food, they don't have to be toxic either. No one should feel guilty about eating a sweet every now and then. After all, kids aren't going to quite having birthday parties, graduations,and school parties. And unfortunately well-meaning friends of brides and new moms are not going to stop throwing showers. I do hate a shower, but that's another story. Suffice it to say that I am all for celebrating milestones, but I will buy you a much nicer gift if I don't have to guess the new babies name and drink flat punch from a paper cup. Just sayin'
So my new business would consist of custom cupcake orders. People could pick them up at my house, meet me in town, or I would even be willing to deliver them to local schools and/or businesses. I don't like to brag, but I can make a cupcake taste or look like just about anything.  I can make the cutest baby shower cupcakes that look like a big nursery full of sleeping babies - ironic, I know. I have versions for every major holiday. And if you have a favorite flavor, I can do that too. A particular favorite is mint julep. Another is root beer float. Just think of the possibilities.
And as for killing my weight loss goals. I don't think so. I'm one of those people that can't look at something the same way after I've worked with it. I once worked at Fazolli's Italian Restaraunt. Yum!, right. Well, it was my job to make the breadsticks. Their famous garlic butter breadsticks. I don't think I have to tell you that it didn't take me very long to become heartily sick of breadsticks. I still can't eat them.
That's not to say that I'm likely to forever swear off cupcakes. It's just that if I am going to spend all day making 3 dozen basketball cupcakes for a local team, I'm not going to be likely to nosh on them.
I'm still not sure. But after much consideration, I think I'm gonna go for it. It has very little investment, virtually no overhead, and it's something that I'm not only good at, but that I actually enjoy.
I'll offer more info as it comes. For now keep your eyes peeled for BabyCakes!