Just When I thought I'd Run Out of Ways to Hurt Myself

So, I have basically managed in just thirty short years to injure myself in a surprising number of ways. I have fallen down more times than I can count, breaking my foot/ankle three times. I've had some amazingly gruesome cuts all received in mind-numbingly dull ways. 13 stitches from cleaning a light fixture, anyone. And the piece de resistance, I am the only person I know who has paper-cut my eyeball. No, you read it right. Paper cut my eyeball. Any time you can make your doctor say, "you did what?" you know you've really done something. I thought I was getting a really cool eye patch, but alas I'm not near cool enough to rock the pirate look.
But even the eye didn't keep me down for long. I was back in the gym the next day. Now, however I have managed to do something that astounds even me. I don't even know what to call such an injury. You know how little kids bump their heads and get what is called a goose egg bump? Well, I have one. On  the top of my foot. For real. I could explain, but it's a really long story and I come off not too bright. So we;ll just say that I dropped something large and ridiculous (not ridiculously large, just to be clear) on my foot. Now I can't stand to walk on it and it throbs with my heartbeat as it has swollen to about half again its normal size. I actually have a hump-backed foot. WTH???
I am still able to break out the trusty hula hoop which I have made it up to about 20 minutes on. (did I mention that it's a 5 lb hula hoop) And I can of course work on my arms. So I fully expect to have some rockin' guns by the time my foot heals up. I guess I can look forward to the pool. But I just wanted to state for the record that this SUCKS! I am really the worst patient. Any other time I would scheme for ways to lay around with my feet up. But now, damn it! I hate the ice and the elevation and I hate having to alter my eating plan to account for the lack of calorie burn.
Guess I'll hobble off on vacation. And really, who am I kidding? Like I was going ot do a lot of exercising on vacation. I can still paddle a canoe and cast a fishing pole. All in all it should be a normal vacation.