Monday, March 21, 2011


The Today Show had a segment this morning featuring shapewear and how one can use it to look like one has lost up to ten pounds. They, of course, trotted out some relatively small women to show how shapewear works for every body type yada, yada, yada. They shared this info with us poor uninformed unsupported citizens like they had cracked the code on the cure for cancer.
Pu-leaze! I grew up in the south; with a baptist grandmother, no less. I know from Lycra. Remember that scene from Steel Magnolia's? (You know you do) The one where Truvy (Dolly Parton) and Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) are discussing poor unsuspecting Janice Van Meter and her unfortunate choice of clothing.

Truvy: Clairee, you know I'd as soon walk on my lips as to criticize; but Janice Van Meter. . .
Clairee: I know. Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket!
             I bet you she's paid $500 for that dress and hasn't bothered to put on a girdle.
Truvy: I haven't left the house without Lycra on these thighs since I was 14.
Clairee: Honey, you were raised right.
Speaking of Lycra, just how exactly did Dolly keep those famous boobs of hers from taking over the movie? Just sayin'.
I think of those two pigs fighting under a blanket every time I get dressed in more than my gym clothes. I love, love, love me some Spanx! And they are so comfortable you can wear them under anything. They are definitely not your grandmother's girdle.
Plus there are so many different varieties out there that there truly is something for everyone. Shapewear isn't just about making you look thinner. It's about smoothing out those bumps and lumps that everyone has to make your clothes lay better. Think about that poor little Glee girl at the SAG awards. Nobody wants to see the outline of your belly button in a satin evening gown. Obviously most of us aren't going to be wearing evening gowns, satin or otherwise, but the same rules apply to belly buttons, muffin tops, love handles, and the like.
So please, people, go get thyselves some shapewear. It doesn't matter what size you are, no one wants to see your back fat.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Tae-Bo Newbie

See how happy everybody is to be doing Tae-Bo?
I don't look like that.
Anybody out there done Tae-Bo recently? Did you survive? Barely?
Yeah, I understand.
I went into my Curve's gym this morning expecting an unassuming yet thorough workout. Boy was I wrong.  Evidently since we are involved in a club-wide Biggest Loser challenge our owner/trainer thought it was a good idea to do a little . . . extra.
I'll say!
Now, I will be the first to admit that I have been in serious need of a little kick in the pants. My exercise has been OK, and my eating has been horrible. So perhaps I had this coming.
But, Oh. My. God. Hardest workout ever. It seriously kicked my ass.
I just got home and I'm in serious need of a shower. I'm dreading it though because I know I'm going to have to lift my arms over my head to peel my sweaty shirt off.
We shall see how this goes. If I don't drop dead, I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Here's a survey that's been making the blog rounds. While I normally don't do these types of things (I totally look at other people's, though) I thought it might be a good idea to let people know just exactly why I am so weird. So here goes. . .

Age: 31

Bed size: Queen

Chore you hate: folding the laundry :(

Dogs: 2  Blitz, German Shorthaired Pointer and Tater, Basset Hound

Essential start of your day: Yogi tea and a workout

Fave color: Depends.

Gold or silver: Silver

Height: 5'5"

Instruments I play: Does the radio count. . .?

Job title: Mom, Wife, Rockstar (OK, so that one's just in my head, but still)

Kids: 2 Peanut, 11 and Bubbo, 7

Live: Eastern Kentucky

Mom’s name: Tyannia (pronounced Tonya - don't ask)

Nicknames: my name is Keila - figure it out. Taquilla, Killer, and a few others that I do my best not to say :)

Overnight hospital stays: just when I had my babies

Pet peeve: people who say "in other words", question talkers, call waiting

Quote from a movie: I usually have one for any situation, but I've found that one is usually pretty good for most situations. "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."

Right or left handed: Right

Siblings: 1 brother

Time you wake up: 6:45 on school days, usually before 8:00 otherwise

Underwear: yes, please

Veg you dislike: cucumbers

What makes you run late: kids!

X-rays you have had done: Teeth, Chest, Ankle, Foot, Foot, Foot

Yummy food you make: Biscuits!

Zoo Animal, favorite: Tigers

So, some of these are pretty far fetched. Underwear? Seriously? Maybe I'll just have to make my own ABC's. We'll see.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Why I Eat

So it seems that I may finally be back on track with my workouts which is a good thing. Bad news? My eating is still not so good. I admit this.
It has been suggested to me that I should probably look into the reasons WHY I eat. So I have. I have looked and looked and looked. Turns out that I eat because . . . wait for it . . . I like it. I like the way it tastes and smells and I like cooking it and reading about it. In short, food is awesome. Groundbreaking, I know.
See, they say; and by they I mean the endless diet and nutrition experts who go on ad nauseum about this kind of thing; that one whould never eat for reasons other than hunger and nutrition. Ummmm, yeah, about that. . .
I'm going rogue!
Saying that I will only ever eat when I'm hungry is like saying that I'm only ever going to have sex for procreation. For the record I don't think I've ever had sex for the express purpose of procreation. And I have two kids. Just sayin'.
It's not realistic, OK. What is the point of having a long healthful life if I can take no joy out of it?
Yes, I know I need to make better eating choices. Understood. My problem is in finding the balance.
Of course I still want the chocolate cake. Who doesn't? But I guess I just need to fit more brocoli into my diet in order to make the chocolate cakes of the world not so tragic. Outrageous concept, right?
Now the trick is learning to like eating more brocoli.