Wednesday, June 30, 2010


OK, I know I've bitched about this before, but it's kind of a big deal and well, it just doesn't stop making me mad. Skinny jeans! And gladiator sandals!
Are you kidding me? I suppose they are cute - in a hungry sort of way. But if you weigh more than, oh I don't know, 100 pounds you can't possibly hope to pull off the skinny jeans. Gladiator sandals are a slightly different animal in that you don't necessarily have to be a certain size to wear them. Other than the fact that you probably shouldn't have cankles, which of course leaves me out. And as any big girl knows the goal is to make your legs look longer and leaner and cutting them off visually at the ankle is probably not the best way to do that.
So there you go. Skinny jeans and gladiator sandals can suck it. The fashion police really should just declare that sausage casings are going to be the new must have for fall. It would be less cruel.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Never Sure What to Say

We've all been there. That compliment that we're just not quite sure how to take. Is it back-handed or genuinely well intentioned? To be honest, I've never really been that good at accepting compliments, well meant or otherwise. Even when people are just really trying to be polite I feel like I'm somehow unworthy of it so I downplay it.
I've been trying to do better. When someone gives me a compliment I've been trying to answer with a simple "Thank you." and let it go. No qualifications, no doubts. It feels good.
But there is one compliment that I'm just not too sure of. How do you take it when someone says, "You look so good. You've lost a ton of weight." Umm, yeah I have. Thanks for noticing but did I really look like such a fat slob before?
OK, yes I was fat. I'm not ashamed to admit that because I've worked (and am still working) really hard to change that. I'm not embarrassed by the fact that I was fat. Now. But I used to be terribly embarrassed by the way I looked and any time someone mentions it, it takes me back there.
I know that most people don't mean it that way. Most people are genuinely happy for me, or at least I choose to think so. My group of friends have been especially great. Most everyone has struggled with weight at one time or another and we've all been through so much together that it is impossible to keep secrets or even have hard feeling with them. When one of my friends says that she can tell that I've lost a bunch of weight it makes me feel good.
But what about just casual acquaintances? People from town or people that I only see a few times a year? Yes, I've lost weight. And yes, I'm looking pretty decent these days. But because I look good now, does that mean I looked like a total train-wreck before? I know in my head that it doesn't. But still. . .
So, that's what I'm going to be working on in the next little bit. Learning to accept compliments at their face value. See, I'm more than just a pretty face.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Things That Make You Go, "Hmmmm. . ."

My new obsession (aside from my Kindle) is the Boomerang channel on TV. Does anyone else have this channel? It's basically all the old Hanna Barbera -and otherwise fabulous- cartoon from back in the day. Flintstones, Jetsons, Smurfs, Magilla Gorilla, Top Cat, Yogi Bear, and even Rocky and Bullwinkle. I love it.
But I have noticed something, not so much disturbing as just, well, weird. I can report that there are no over-weight female cartoon characters. Well, except for that time that Mama Cass was on Scooby Doo, but that doesn't really count because she was a real-life person and much as they would have liked to, the animators couldn't very well draw Mama Cass the same size as Michelle Phillips. Have you noticed, though? Wilma and Betty - skinny. Daphne and even Velma - thin. Even Natasha was Russian Bond-girl slender.
So what the heck? I haven't really noticed this in todays cartoons but I think this has more to do with the fact that my kids watch things like Spongebob Squarepants and I don't think Sandy the Squirell could be classified as skinny or otherwise.
I'm thinking this merits further investigation. So don't call. I'm going to pack my pic-i-nic basket with healthy snacks and bring in those pesky kids for a Throw Back Cartoon Marathon. Have a Smurftastic Day.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just a Few Notes on Being 30

It has been over six full months since I plunged into the big 3-0 and I really could not feel better. As my thirties were coming up, I was strangely clam about it, excited even. My only apprehension was wondering if my early acceptance of being 30 was setting me up for a major downfall. Not too sure about that one but for now I am loving being 30. There are no more questions of "who am I?" or "what should I do about this?" Being 30 has given me a strange permission to be an adult. I love it.
I no longer have to explain myself or what I do to anyone. I didn't finish college, I don't have a job, I'm basically trained for NOTHING. I used to feel really bad about all of this, but now I find it remarkably freeing. I do have a great husband who is a great provider for our family. I have two very well-behaved children. I have a beautiful home that I have had the privilege of making comfortable for our family. And yes, even though I don't work, I have a cleaning lady. Deal with it. I have. I no longer feel guilty about not having a "career" so to speak. I really admire all my friends who have careers that they love and are good at, but I have decided that "Housewife Philanthropist" is not a bad position to be in. 30 says that I don't have to feel guilty about it anymore.
But here recently there a few more things that 30 has been saying to me. Things like "You should probably be taking calcium so you don't break a hip down the road." Obviously 30 has never seen the padding protecting these hips or it might not worry so much, but that's beside the point. OK, I'll take your damn calcium. And, "Maybe glitter is no longer the way to go." That one I can live with just fine, thank you very much. And the killer, "Perhaps you should look into some wrinkle cream. At least around the eyes, hmm?"
Wrinkle cream?!? What the hell? Are you kidding me? My eyes are just fine. Oh, wait a minute. What's that? Is that the beginnings of crows feet? And are those squint lines between my eyebrows starting to be permanent? I keep telling myself that it has more to do with losing weight and losing some of the fullness that was always in my face, rather than any actual aging on my part. I doubt it. DAMN IT!

I was cursed with the oiliest skin known to man. I deal with teenage-like zits when most of my friends skin has been cleared up for years. You would think that would give me some sort of dispensation from early-onset wrinkles. Wouldn't you? I suppose not.
So I haul myself into Sephora. A sacrifice, I know. I mean, I'm hardly ever there. Only three of the sales girls know my name. Oh, and the one guy with the green eyeliner that knows how to apply false eyelashes just right. But no eyelashes for me. The girls look confused. No lipstick? No mascara? Not even some new bronzer? No thank you. Point me to the skin care. I'm here for my wrinkles. They all gasp in shock. Well, they would. They're all 20somethings. Bitches.
Now I'm really ready for 30. I've got all the tools in my toolbox now. I've got my peptides, and serums, and CoQ-10 complexes. I've got my multi-vitamin and my fish oil that promises to take care of my heart. I've got my Spanx (an oldie but a goodie) and I've got my big girl shoes.
Oh yeah! I forgot to mention the best part of being 30. I now have permission to buy ridiculously expensive shoes. Not Manolo's exactly - I mean, I still live in eastern Kentucky. But I am loving my new Cole Haan peep-toe pumps with the Nike insole. Oh, and the strappy sandals. And the Charles David boots.
See, 30 kicks ass! Mama don't shop at Payless no more unless she wants to.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Independance Day Contest!!!

This Fourth of July we're honoring Independence Day by freeing ourselves from dieting. Diet is a four-letter word at my house and if you hear me use it, it is in reference to the way that we eat - not some crack-brained lose weight quick scheme.
We have made healthy eating and exercise an everyday part of our lives and in so doing have gained Independence from yo-yo dieting and the health hazards that go along with it. So in honor of our nation's Independence Day, I'm having a contest here on Fat Girl Slim.
All you have to do is invite some friends to follow the blog and you and them will be entered to win a package that includes items to help you live healthy every day. On July 4th a random winner will be chosen from all followers.
Prize includes 10 Minute Solution Fat Blasting Dance Mix DVD, pedometer, BPA free water bottle, and maybe a few surprises. I figure it's a win-win. I maybe get a few new followers, thereby allowing me to get cooler features on the blog. And you get a chance to win a prize.
So, good luck and quit dieting!10 Minute Solution: Fat Blasting Dance MixBase Brands 16-Ounce Reduce WaterWeek Bottle, Set of 5Pedometer for walking fit & Staying fit!*

* Style and color of water bottle and pedometer may differ based on availability at end of contest.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Temporary Insanity Due to Hormonal Imbalance

Today I lost my mind.
But I am not worried. Much. You see it happens every month around the same time. In fact you could set your watch by it. I probably have the most regular menstrual cycle in the free freakin' world. Every 28 days. Around mid-day. No kidding. You can't make this crap up. Who would want to?!? And I'm not on the pill.
Now I know that it may not me the most lady-like subject to discuss, (ironic, no?) but despite all evidence of extreme regularness- I seem to have a bit of period craziness going on.

You see, on the second day of my cycle I lose my mind. Again, seriously. I have been known to drive 30 minutes out of my way. Before I even realized it. Or go on buying binges for clothes that I didn't even check the sizes on, much less bothered to try on. I've gotten the kids up and dressed for school before one of them became awake enough to remind me, "Uh, Mom? It's spring break." And always, every freakin' month, I go on a crazy lady eating binge.
Everyone has times when you eat something that you know you probably shouldn't and you look at it, weigh your options, commit to the extra cardio, and go for it anyway. I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about me eating hot dogs for supper. Something I would never otherwise consider worth the calories. Two of them. Plus a bowl of cherries, which in and of itself wouldn't be so bad. But I followed it all up with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie. Are you kidding me? Little Freakin' Debbie? I blew it all on hot dogs and Little Debbies? WTF? I won't even go into the Hostess Ho Ho incident of 1996. Suffice it to say I can't even have them in the house for fear of a relapse.
The truly disturbing thing is that I didn't even consider what I was doing while I was doing it. There was never a moment of, "maybe this isn't the best thing for me to be eating it" I didn't even give myself the courtesy of trying to lie to myself or make excuses for why I "needed" that junk. I'm not entirely sure yet if that's a good thing or bad. I mean, there could have been a huge-ass chocolate cake on the counter and I might have eaten the whole thing and been wiping crumbs off my shirt before I thought to ask myself if cake was really what I wanted.
Usually I try to plan ahead for "Day 2" as my husband calls it. He doesn't avoid the PMS, like most husbands. PMS really isn't a problem for me. But he is aware that on Day 2 he's going to have to follow me around like a newly-sprung mental patient because I'm as likely to give all our money away to buy back-packs for homeless orphans of circus freaks or some other such bull shit as I am to eat a whole box of saltines. However, Hubby is not here. He is on the boat. Just like he is every other month. Lucky bastard!
That is why I cannot make, nor keep, any appointments on the third Monday of every even-numbered month. Besides, I would be too busy eating pickles, or 14 scrambled eggs, or just toast - all day.
All I can say is that it is a good thing that it only lasts one day. I suppose one day is not going to kill me. Provided that I don't suddenly develop a craving for rat poison or something. I can always go on super-detox tomorrow. My usual "day after" eating plan includes yogurt, whole grains, and fresh vegis. I actually do this for a couple days along with a bit of extra cardio. In this way I have managed not to gain like 1,000 pounds following my King Henry VIII at the banquet days.
"After all, tomorrow is another day. . ."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Stuck Between a Peach Pit and a Hard Place

Where I live is rural. We're talking pipe-in-the-sunshine rural. You ever heard that Mark Twain saying? "When the end of the world happens, I want to be in Kentucky because they are always 20 years behind the rest of the world." Well, it's true. And my small corner of it is even further behind than that. I love my local grocery store and feel that it's just as important to buy local as it is to buy organic, but organic isn't even in my stores vocabulary. They've finally gotten on the whole grains bandwagon but times are slow to change.
I'm thankful for my local farmers market where I can fulfill both my local and organic obligations. But I can't do all my shopping at a fruit stand. Even I get sick of farm-fresh peaches after a while. A very long while, but still.
So here's my dilemma. When I really need to stock up do I drive the extra miles (and use the extra gas) to go to the really good grocery store that carries all my produce and frozen favorites? Or do I stick local, thereby saving time and gas, but probably paying a little more and maybe not getting what I want? The time spent works out about the same by the time I have to go to two or three places to fill my list in town as opposed to one stop out of town.
So far I've been able to stock up when I'm already going out of town for Dr.'s appointment and the like. But it's summertime and the livin' is supposed to be easier. I want to lay by the pool not spend all my time in my mom-wagon super cool SUV driving all over hell and half of Georgia looking for local-grown organic leaf lettuce.
So what does everyone else do? Do you stock up or buy as you need? Do you prefer organic or local? Or do you think I'm off my rocker for even devoting this amount of time to it?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Big Changes on the Horizon

For a while now there has been a little idea rolling around in the back of my head that I need to shake things up. I've been in a blogging rut for a while and since I've been stalled out in the weight loss for roughly the same amount of time I can't say that the two are necessarily unrelated.
So I'm thinking maybe some format changes. A few new features. Maybe a new name or something. I'm still not real sure, but some thing's gotta give, if you know what I mean.
I am completely open to any suggestions or ideas. Drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking. Anything you want to see added, or maybe something you don't care so much for. Or maybe just any crazy old idea that you'd like to let me know. I'm open to just about anything. Well, except maybe fortune telling. A girl's got to keep some secrets, after all.

Monday, June 14, 2010


Hello, my name is Keila and I'm a Tanorexic. Those of you who know me will know that this is very out of character. I am totally anti-tanning bed and quite frankly anti-heat. The summer is my least favorite time of year and I would gladly clean toilets in the air-conditioned inside rather than do ten minutes of sweat inducing yard work. (note: I actually love gardening, I just have to get up really early to do it). So the idea that I would be an avid sun seeker is as foreign an idea as me willingly standing naked in front of a group of strangers. Really when you think about it, it's not that different. I have happily spent the last week laying on a beach with thousands of strangers wearing not much more than my underwear.
Admittedly, I have lost some weight since the last time I went to the beach. BTW, Mindy, I looked around and couldn't find your shoes anywhere ;-) Still, I hadn't lost enough to justify the wearing of a bikini, and I don't think I ever will. Those days are far behind me. There's still the little matter of stretch marks, after all. So I found myself a super-hot one piece. (Thank you, Lands End for bra-cup sizing!!!) It is in a Grecian style and it's peacock blue, which sets the tan off nicely.
And that brings us back to my original point. I layed and I turned and I burned a little and still I layed some more. I came back from the beach with a tan the likes of which I haven't seen since we covered our high-school selves in baby oil because we didn't know any better. Now I do know better, or so you would think. But still, there I was out there sunning my buns. But now I'm home and things should be getting back to normal. But here's the thing, I don't want to lose the tan. I like my newly golden skin. Who knew I could like my knees so much?!?
I'm not willing to go to the tanning bed or even devote a lot of deck time to maintaining said tan so I suppose the healthiest and best way would be for me to visit my local spray-tan salon. Now I will just have to remember to pay attention when it's time to turn. I don't want four "4"s on the front, after all.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Too Hot to Move

Just got back from vacation. Well, vacation #1. The Northwoods of Wisconsin are really beautiful this time of year. It was 75-80 degrees every day with very little, if any humidity. I looooved it. We fished and hiked and our friends let the kids borrow their paddle boat so we laughed. A lot. And of course we ate. But I was pretty good. I indulged in some cheese and beer but I tried to balance everything out. I had my yogurt for breakfast and had plenty of fruits and vegis and I stuck to MGD 64 for my beer drinking. And we were plenty active so I think I came away with only 2 extra pounds which I'm holding out on because we were in the car for 15 hours yesterday and I think there is some fluid retention going on. It's hard to stay hydrated with a husband that hates the words, "I have to pee."
I've got a two day hiatus before we go on vacation #2 to Myrtle Beach. I'm going to use this weekend to power slam some fresh vegis and all the water I can hold in order to try and flush out some of the damage from Lumberjack Land. Activity will be a little hard though. I bet you didn't know that Kentucky was a tropical location, did you? Well, come hang out here for a few days and you will be a believer. According to my deck thermometer it is 92 degrees with 82% humidity. My poor husband is out mowing the grass right now and he really needs gills instead of lungs. My hound dogs are literally spilled out under the fan in my living room. And my dreams of a hike are gone with the wind. If there was any wind. The good news is that it's too hot to cook or even eat. "So I got that going for me, which is nice."
I'll be glad to get to the beach. Where it still may be hot, but I just don't seem to care that much when I have a frozen concoction in my hand and the ocean breeze blowing over my face.

* Recipe for good for you frozen concoction. (well, at least not tragic for you)
1 frozen banana
1/2 cup coconut water, frozen (not coconut milk!)
1/2 cup fresh fruit of your choice (I like pineapples for a pina colada thing)
1 oz. rum
take it for a spin in the blender and enjoy. If you have a little umbrella and an orange slice for the side, more better