My Life Monday - Accountability

I know, like everyone else in the world, that when you're trying to lose weight it is super duper important to track your food and exercise. You've got to keep a food diary and you've got to write down everything.
Every. Freakin'. Bite.
There will come a time when you think you've got it licked and you don't need to write it all down anymore. You will be wrong.
If food is your problem - and god knows it is mine - you have to take away food's power. Yes, I know I sound like Dr. Phil, but it's true and it's taken me a long time to get here so listen. You gave food all the power to make you happy or make you feel better or occupy you while you watch TV. Now you are going to give food the power to fuel your body and make yourself healthy.
I am not saying that you can't enjoy your food - far from it. Because, listen, I really really really like my food. I like to cook it, I like to read about it and write about it, and heaven knows I like to eat it. And I don't see that changing anytime soon. To think otherwise would be ridiculous and unrealistic.
However, by writing everything down I am held accountable. Not so much for what I am eating but why I am eating it.
"Oooohhhh, cookies!"
"Do I really want to eat that cookie?"
"I'm going to have to write it down if I do."
"Do I really want to look at that on my report?"
"Hmmm? Maybe I'll just wait and see if I still want that cookie in an hour."
Sometimes I do, and if it isn't going to wreck my calories for the day then I go ahead and eat the cookie. And write it down. And move on.
And sometimes I don't even want the cookie. I know. . . Mind Blown!
I've tried Weight Watchers. Didn't care for it. Too much math and pressure and math. And I've tried keeping a notebook with me and writing everything down manually. And I've tried pre-printed calorie counting journals. None of it worked .
Then The Captain got me the Kindle Fire for Christmas and I downloaded the myfitnesspal app. I am in love. This thing is so easy.

Seriously go to my fitness pal and set up your free account. It could not be easier!

I input all my food for the day (this thing has, like, all the foods and their nutritional info) and all my exercising and it calculates everything for me and gives me my own customized little daily report.  And you can get weekly and monthly reports for everything including food, exercise, and progress.
And my very most favorite thing of all is that after you have added all your info for the day you get a little graphic that says : If every day were like today you would weight X pounds in 5 weeks. Talk about a real motivator. Incredible!

My Life Monday

As many of you may (or may not) know along with writing here at Fat Girl Slim, I also write at Bit of the Bluegrass. Also I have recently returned to working on a novel I started years ago. Recently things have gotten a little hectic, shall we say?, here in our little house on the hill and I haven't been able to give as much attention to my writing as I would like to.
In November I had a bit of a health issue (nothing serious, just a little something to throw a wrench in all my plans). Right before that our refrigerator died resulting in countless visits from the repairman and hundreds of dollars into his kids' college funds all culminating in the eventual purchase of a brand new fridge. (I hate you, Kenmore!) Then there was the 14 hour road trip to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving (without The Captain). And the holidays tried to kill me. Seriously. And of course both the kids have school and practice and games and guitar lessons and gymnastics and on and on and on. . . Always keeping in mind that The Captain has his own home and away schedule that rolls around every 28 days.
All of this has added up to one very stressed out mama. (see health issue above).
But all of that is finally in the rear-view mirror. Excepting, of course, the kids and The Captains schedules. It's a New Year and I am trying out a few new get-my-ass-back-on-track tips and tricks.
There were two main areas of my life that I really wanted to try and tackle. My house and my body.
Sooooo. . .
Part One.
My house. (cue the ominous music - DUN DUN DUN)
As anyone who know me will attest, I am not a good housekeeper. It's OK, I know. I can keep things clean in the sense that the health department is not going to come and shut us down but the clutter is where I get completely shut out. I wash the clothes and get distracted forgetting to fold them. The kids leave papers all over the house and it never occurs to me to pick them up. There are shoes all over the front hall. Books get left wherever it was they were last read. And the magazines! My god, the magazines. I will confess to having a serious magazine addiction. So much so that The Captain thought it a good idea to get me a Kindle Fire for Christmas in the hopes that I could subscribe to at least a few of them digitally. Love him!
We have had various cleaning ladies who have left for a variety of reasons. No, they didn't quit because my house was so unmanageable. I don't think. And when they were here all was nirvana. I had one particularly wonderful cleaning lady who I will call Angel, because that's how I thought of her, who washed down all the blades on all my ceiling fans! Did you know you were supposed to wash those things? Hmmm?
However, I have been without a cleaning lady for the better part of a year and the state of my house has definitely reflected this. I have thought about interviewing for another, and I still may, but I really do need to do better on my own. To that end, I took a long hard look at myself. Man that hurt. I discovered that my true problem with cleaning was due to two main factors.
Number one - I never learned to clean. No, it's true. My mother is more than slightly OCD about housekeeping. Added to that my dad and my grandmother always employed housekeepers, so that having someone else pick up after me was just what seemed natural. Even after I was married with a house of my own and there was no one there to do it.
Number two - I am easily distracted. Seriously. Like a squirrel on crack. It's why I can wash the clothes but never fold them or pick up the shoes but forget the magazines. It's also why I can go help a friend with her deep cleaning project but be completely stymied by my own.
I know that I do better with everything when I have a concrete schedule to stick to. So that's what I did. Made myself a little schedule. It seems to be working after the first week. I plan on keeping with the cleaning schedule for the rest of this week and sharing with y'all the results this time next week.
That takes us to Part Two.
My body. (the music that accompanies this is more like sad little violin music)
I have been overweight my entire adult life and I am sick of it. Sick. Of. It! A few years ago I got serious and lost 40 pounds. That's when I started Fat Girl Slim. At that time I never would have dreamed that I would still be struggling this far into the future.
Another hard look at myself resulted int the discovery that I had just, flat out, gotten lazy. Yes, I had managed to keep off the first 40 pounds but I hadn't gone any further. I had gotten complacent with my workouts and worse, my eating was atrocious.
So I'm back in the gym. And I'm adding more cardio because I know that, even though I desperately HATE it, my body does so much better when I get a lot of cardio. I'm shooting for gym time 4x/week and cardio for at least 30 minutes for 6x/week. It's actually easier time-wise that I would have thought. I go to the gym right after I drop the kids at school and add the extra cardio right after that so that I am usually done with all of it by 9:30 am.
I did this all last week and did really good. I feel sooooo much better to get back into a workout routine. My back and knees feel better. I am sleeping better at night. And I just generally have more energy on days that I workout that on days that I don't.
This week I'll be working on continuing this while focusing more on my eating. The plan is to limit carbs to whole grain only, adding more water, and breaking things down to 5-6 small meals a day rather than 3 (really) big ones. Next week I'm going to focus on adding more protein. I'll let you know how it goes.
So there you have. More than you probably wanted to know about where I am right now. But guess what? I don't care because this is my blog and I can write what I wanna. And if I'm still alive next week, I'm going to share even more. So there!

Tae-Bo Newbie

See how happy everybody is to be doing Tae-Bo?
I don't look like that.

Anybody out there done Tae-Bo recently? Did you survive? Barely?
Yeah, I understand.
I went into my Curve's gym this morning expecting an unassuming yet thorough workout. Boy was I wrong.  Evidently since we are involved in a club-wide Biggest Loser challenge our owner/trainer thought it was a good idea to do a little . . . extra.
I'll say!
Now, I will be the first to admit that I have been in serious need of a little kick in the pants. My exercise has been OK, and my eating has been horrible. So perhaps I had this coming.
But, Oh. My. God. Hardest workout ever. It seriously kicked my ass.
I just got home and I'm in serious need of a shower. I'm dreading it though because I know I'm going to have to lift my arms over my head to peel my sweaty shirt off.
We shall see how this goes. If I don't drop dead, I'll let you know how it goes.

Yoga Bear

I just got back from my first ever official yoga class. It was really really hard. Surprisingly hard. But kind of a good hard, you know? I don't know if yoga is technically for fatties, and considering as how I was definitely the biggest person in the room, I don't know if I'll ever be any good at it.
My yoga instructor is seriously cute. She has one of those perfect bodies that yoga pants are made for. And she does moves that I've only ever done on accident. Right foot red? What? When did this turn into a sadistic game of Twister? I hate her.
No, not really. She's actually a very sweet and nice person and it would be impossible not to like her. Well, except maybe when she says to hold that pose just a little bit longer.
But I'm doing it. Maybe I can't lift my leg as high as some of the other ladies or hold it steady for quite as long, but it's a start. And I like the way I feel afterwards. It is a surprisingly thorough workout. I was amazed at how much I actually sweated. I thought yoga was all about the stretching and the breathing and the whatnot. And it is, but it's also about flexibility and muscle control. My shoulders, hamstrings, and lower back are especially appreciative of this.
I guess I'll be practicing on my own this weekend. I don't want to be the doof who falls flat on her face during Downward Facing Dog. Besides, anything that will make my booty look like the instructor's I am all for.

Happy Hooping!

With  my post yesterday, it occurred to me that I may have left some in the dark with my vague description of working out with a weighted hula hoop. I didn't want to leave anybody with the horrible mental picture of myself flinging myself around inside my hoop like some rabid five year old on a pixie stick high. I mean, I don't even like pixie sticks.
I could upload a video of some of my favorite hula hoop moves. . .But come on! Did you really expect that to happen? Telling you that I hula hoop in the relative safety of my living room and showing you videographic evidence of such. I thought I would leave that to the pros.

Fat Tuesday

It seems that in the spirit of my Biggest Loser themed weight loss re-boot, I have chosen Tuesdays to be my weigh-in/evaluation day. After week 1 I have a lot to report.

Since I believe in sharing bad news first I will willingly disclose that I have not lost any weight. Nope. Not one ounce. Why am I not suicidal, you ask? Well, for one, I didn't gain anything either. And after the sugar fest that was my Holiday Season no gain is a good thing. I can live with no weight loss for now because even though the scale is not going down, I am moving forward.
I have added a few new tools to my repertoire. If you've read for any amount of time you know that I'm all about my Curve's workout. I love the circuit training and the aerobic/strength training intervals. Plus, as evidenced by the p

icture over there, I'm a freak for my hula hoop. 5 pound hula hoop to be exact. I've done all kinds of exercises over the years and nothing, NOTHING!, has strengthened my core like the weighted hula hoop.
But even with all those amazing workout options I was stuck in a bit of a rut. What to do, what to do? Watching the season premier of Biggest Loser last week gave me my first inspiration. Kettle Bells! I liked the fact that they come in all different weights; and while I've used a variety of free weights for a while now, I like that they offer a bit more of a challenge. My kettle bell from Danskin came with a DVD (which is OK) and a sheet with a set of 6 moves (which I love) It also helped that this months issue of Shape magazine featured Jillian Michaels herself's favorite kettle bell moves. I really really like the k

ettle bell for my arms. The triceps have never looked better.
Next I added in yoga. I had done a bit of informal yoga off and on for years but nothing major. I wasn't what you'd call "into it". Consider me converted. My gym has added a twice a week yoga class and so far I'm loving it! Turns out I'm not as flexable as I thought I was, but I can already tell a difference. My back and my hamstrings have already loosened up and my downward facing dog is starting to look more like a utilitarian hunting do and less like a lumbering mastiff. I'm shooting for greyhound, but that may take a while.
So now I had taken care of the mind and the body, but my eating still wasn't quite what it needed to be. And you all know how I feel about diets. . . I just needed something to get me back on track and help to remind me to make better choices. It has never really been what I eat so much as it has been how I ate it. I tend to go off track on sweets and portion control. I needed something that would let me include all my favorites (including sweets) as long as I kept track and stayed within reason. I had done Weig

ht Watchers before and had some success - in fact I have kept off every pound I lost the first time I did Weight Watchers - so I thought, why not? I signed up for 3 months of Weight Watchers Online. I just started on Sunday and so far I have found it really easy to keep track of what I'm eating and where I'm having a bit of trouble. Hopefully I will have an even better report for you next week.
They are calling for snow for the rest of the week though, so I make now promises. I still manage to get in a decent workout between my WiiFit, Wii boxing, kettle bell, and at-home yoga. But no school means no gym time for Momma. I think that I really do better with the structured schedule of a gym. What about you? Are you disciplined enough to get a full workout at home or do yo need the external structure of the gym? What is your favorite at-home workout when you're stuck at home?

Break On Through to the Other Side

Lately I've been pondering motivation. Like why is it such an easy concept to understand and so difficult to actually implement. I know I need to lose weight. I want to lose weight. No, I mean I REALLY want to lose weight. Not like "my diet starts first thing Monday morning." More like "I am losing weight because I am sick of living like this."
For some people motivation to lose weight comes when they see a picture of themselves and it forces them to see themselves as others do. Or worse, someone actually makes a hurtful comment. Or maybe they get an earful from their doctor, or their clothes just simply don't fit anymore.
When I first started on this journey my motivation was more of an epiphany. I simply realized that I would be turning 30 soon and I didn't want to waste any more time "going to" lose weight. Maybe the weight wouldn't come off right away, but at least I would be doing something about it.
And for me the biggest motivation is success. For every pound I lose it motivates me to lose another one. It's a good feeling to see the number on the scale going down. And like most things in life, when something feels good we want more of it.
But what happens when the scale just stops moving. True, it's not going up - and that is a very good thing. But neither is it going down. While that's not very good in and of itself, it's down right catastrophic for my motivation.
Finally, though, progress. I finally decided to buckle down and get down to business. You know what? It worked. Surprise! Surprise! I cut calories to 1200/day and upped they exercise. Way upped. I've been putting in hard circuits at the gym - pushing myself a little more each session. Also I've reintroduced walking, not just on the treadmill (which as you know is the most boring thing in the world), but outside with actual fresh air and crap.
Isn't it funny how we know the right things to do, but somehow never get around to doing them. Why is that. do you suppose? They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If that is true, then perhaps the opposite is true as well. The road to paradise must be paved with fresh fruit and vegetables.

A Really Big Show!

Today is my 97th post on this blog. The big 100 is right around the corner and I think that I should mark it by some really big changes to the way I share info with you. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I will say that the change is for the better. I can't wait to share all this with you. For now just hang tight.
Moving right along to the subject matter at hand - The diet/lifestyle change is finally back on track. I hate that my kids have to go back to school so early, but I'm not at all sorry to be back on schedule. I'm back in the gym 3-4 days a week, and I'm eating regular meals at regular times. Boring, yes, but undeniably good for the body.
I have to travel to the lake house again at the end of September for Dad's 50th birthday (insert big whoo-hoo here). That is exactly six weeks from now and I would like to be down 10 pounds by then. That is a totally reasonable goal. That's 1.66 pounds per week and if I can't do that after setting stagnant all summer, well then, I just need to throw in the towel.
One last thing. Part of the Big Surprise has to do with food. (what doesn't?) Anyways, if anyone has any absolutely fabulous (original - meaning yours or a friend or family members, not previously published) recipes, healthy or otherwise, that you would like to share then please do so. Just send the recipe name and origin, recipe, and your name to keila_mb@myway.com. It really is going to be awesome!

I Always Knew I was Cool But. . .

I think I may have started something. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. When I got my weighted hula hoop no one in the world (outside of my trainer, of course) had heard of such a thing. "That's nothing but a toy," Hubby protested. "Not if you're doing it right," I countered. Besides I'd like to see his big butt get up and do it. Haaaaa!
But now I have unequivocal proof that the hula hoop is a bonafied piece of workout equipment. The super-great Gabby Reece has endorsed the hula hoop and has even come out with a workout routing that you can do with your hula hoop, weighted or otherwise. Check her out on her website http://www.gabbydaily.com/2010/06/hula-hooping-is-hard-core/ and on the Honey Line at http://www.thehoneyline.com/ for more information on the hooping workout and Gabby's just general awesomeness.
I can attest to the effectiveness of the hula hoop. Since using it I have lost inches around my middle and my balance and posture have definitely improved. And besides all of that, it's just flippin' fun. So Fat Girl Slim says to go out and get thy self a hula hoop.

Big Changes on the Horizon

For a while now there has been a little idea rolling around in the back of my head that I need to shake things up. I've been in a blogging rut for a while and since I've been stalled out in the weight loss for roughly the same amount of time I can't say that the two are necessarily unrelated.
So I'm thinking maybe some format changes. A few new features. Maybe a new name or something. I'm still not real sure, but some thing's gotta give, if you know what I mean.
I am completely open to any suggestions or ideas. Drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking. Anything you want to see added, or maybe something you don't care so much for. Or maybe just any crazy old idea that you'd like to let me know. I'm open to just about anything. Well, except maybe fortune telling. A girl's got to keep some secrets, after all.

10 Things I Hate About Summer

1. The kids are home, which I actually love, but when my husband goes back to work it seriously cuts into my gym time. And if you think that you can get in a good workout with a hula hoop, some hand weights and a treadmill, well, you've clearly never tried to do it to the tune of "Stop it!" & "I'm telling!".

2. Hot dogs. Or more specifically Bratwurst. There is no such thing as a GOOD turkey bratwurst. They are out there, sure, but we're talking about GOOD here. I'm one of those people that is not real big on substitutions. If I can't have exactly what I want, then I'd just as soon have nothing at all.

3. The heat. Oh, God, the heat. I hate it. I hate the humidity. Heat and humidity are not the big girls friend. And let's not even get into what it does to my hair. I'm not one of those blessed with curly hair and I hate it when those girls bitch about how the humidity makes their hair so big. My hair is flat as a flitter and any humidity just plasters it to my head. Not a good look.

4. Teenage girls. Yes, I used to be one and yes, I probably flaunted it. And to be honest, if I had known how annoying it was to thirty-something women I probably would have still done it. But I really hate all of them with their skinny little waists and perky firm boobs. What do they know? Youth really is waisted on the young.

5. The pool. I think that all women, no matter what size, hate bathing suit season. It is such a cliche, but most universal truths usually are. Even though we all have body issues and we know that no body is perfect we all hate putting on that bathing suit and going out among other people. And yes, we really do judge each other. Any one who says otherwise is a big fat bathing suit liar.

6. Cookouts. This goes back to the hot dogs and bratwurst, but it also goes beyond. It seems that every weekend of the summer is filled with someone or another's cookout. Hot dogs, hamburgers, barbecue, potato salad, pie, ice cream. . .

7. Vacation. Sure vacation has its high points. And most vacations are quite enjoyable, else why would we do it. But it is next to impossible to lose weight on vacation. I can almost always manage to maintain, but losing - not so much.

8. Shorts. I don't care what you say. I can not wear shorts. Even when I was younger/thinner I could not pull off shorts. Which is a shame because I actually have pretty long legs, it's just I have never been able to find a pair of shorts that flattered. And don't get me started on capris.

9. Dog hair. I know this has nothing to do with losing weight and the whatnot, but every year at about this time my do decides to shed. I don't know how he is not bald. In the past few days I have vacuumed up enough hair to make a whole other dog.

10. Beer, wine, and margaritas. I actually love those things and that is the problem. To me it is not summer with out hanging out on my back deck with my friends sharing gossip and a glass of good summer wine or beer or margarita or whatever.

Hoopin' Happy

The five pound weighted hula hoop has turned into a bit of an obsessive nightmare. We are in a love/hate relationship right now. I hate to love the hoop and it loves to hate me. Yes, I know that the hoop is an inanimate object, but I assure you the thing has a personality all its own.
When I first started out it was so very hard. I wanted to zig and the hoop wanted to zag. Then I became inspired to turn some music on and just as Shorty got her apple-bottom jeans and those boots with the fur I got my rhythm.
For the past week my hips have shaken more than a little Polynesian girl on crack. The hoop lays in the middle of my living room floor (try explaining that to your in-laws) and calls to me. In just this one week I can feel my core getting stronger. Evidently the hoop works muscles that I didn't know I had. Something else new on the scene is this great looking bruise I have developed over my right hip bone. It's very colorful and shaped like West Virginia. I've hooped through the pain and my fellow hoopers tell me that once this bruise is gone it is unlikely that i will get another unless I move up to a heavier hoop which is also unlikely.
All in all, I give the weighted hula hoop a very big thumbs up. It's low impact, portable (which means I can do it while I watch TV) and it's just a lot of freakin' fun.

Hoop Dreams

Just call me a fool. I bought a hula hoop today. A weighted hula hoop. A 5 pound weighted hoop. Now to get a full and accurate picture of my foolishness you should know that before today I didn't even know how to hula hoop. Hey, don't judge! It's harder than it looks.
So I get the stupid thing back to the safety of my own home only to have my dog look at me in that way that says, "you're kidding me with this, right?" I turned on Rachael Ray and I hooped and I hooped until finally I got a little wiggle in my jiggle and hula-ed my somewhat substantial ass off.
Allegedly, for ever three minutes spent hooping burns 100 calories (give or take based on both the size of the hoop and the weight of the junk in your trunk). This remains to be seen, but I definitely felt like I got a proper abdominal workout.
Plus I have a huge bruise cropping up across my right hip-bone. Five pounds orbiting around my jelly roll is evidently nothing to sneeze at. But hey, what's a little internal bleeding among friends if it can give me abs of steel?

Pounds vs. Inches

Today was weigh-in day. I've worked really really hard for the past few weeks trying to prepare for this day. Ate all my vegis, drank all my water, did all my exercises (and then some). And for what? That scale is a bitch!
I've actually been feeling pretty good about my body lately. My waist has been way trimmer and my arms, well, lets just say you better get your tickets. Tickets? To the gun show, baby. OK, totally lame, I know. But I've done enough triceps rows and lateral lifts and weighted punches to equal rowing around the world. So shut up!
I even got into those infamous white pants on Mother's Day. I didn't just get into them - I rocked them. They weren't at all tight and they kissed my curves in all the right places.
And, Ta-Da! I had lost almost 6.5 inches (3.5 from my waist) in two months. So, I should be feeling pretty good about myself right now? And I do. But what's the rub?
I had actually GAINED almost one pound in the same time frame. Yes, I know it's just a pound, but still. I'm trying to lose not gain. And yes, I know that the way my clothes fit and how my body looks is WAAAAY more important than any number on a scale. But, Jesus F-ing Chocolate Covered Christ On A Pogo Stick!!! I've worked really hard and I want those numbers going south, damn it.
I guess that short of going on a lettuce and water diet, I'm going to have to get serious here. Maybe a three day cleanse is in order or who knows what. The next weigh in is going to be different if I can help it. I wonder how much hair weighs? I'm due for a hair cut.

Who knew?!?!?!

Today was the day I had set aside for gardening and unlike most things on my to-do list, I actually did it. Most things do get done, eventually. But today was gardening day and gardening I did. It felt good.
I like gardening. It is very soothing and relaxing and I am one of those weird people who likes to play in the dirt. The one thing gardening is not, though, is easy. It is wicked hard work.
There's the bending and pulling, the lifting and digging. And the walking and carrying - good grief, the carrying. But when you're all done you have a beautiful lush green garden to enjoy.
We do enjoy it, too. My family and I are lucky enough to live on a lush hillside in Appalachia. We can look off our back deck and see nothing but the tree tops below us. Seriously, when the Air Force does fly-bys (which they do here often) they are BELOW us. The view from the back of my house is amazing and the view from the front is only slightly less spectacular. So I try to plant things that enhance all the green we got going on here. I plant lots of cool colors in the pots on my deck because they complement the shady area. And by the front porch I plant hot pink to accent my front door. Plus, I have a butt load several shrubs and perennials that need fertilized and mulched and tended. This year I also planted a climbing rose on the side of the house that I thought would look charming growing up the side of my brick house.
Gardening is also one of those activities that allows you time to think. Actually hear your own thoughts instead of mentally making a grocery list or listening for the dryer to ding out of one ear. Today, as I was sweating carrying 40lb bags of mulch, I got to thinking about gardening as exercise.
Now normally, I don't count my household activities as exercise. I just consider it part of my lifestyle. But the kind of gardening I was doing today was definitely not part of my day to day activities. So I hit google when I came inside and found out (by averaging the results of several different sites) that I could be burning up to 289 calories an hour. Holy Crap! Seriously? Since I was out there for about 2 1/2 - 3 hours I figure I burned about 723 calories. YIKES!
So now I'm wondering a couple of things. Like, how many other calories do we neglect to realize we're burning? And, do you think any of my neighbors need their spring gardening work done?

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

Especially when I have stuff to do! To be fair, I usually love the rain. I love the gray skies and the sound that it makes on my window sills. I love how everything seems to be suspended when it rains. I love how everything seems somehow "greener". I imagine what it would be like to live in Ireland.
But, alas, I'm in good ol' KY and I have a ton of stuff to do before the annual  2 week slog-fest road trip with he fam. This year, like every year, we are taking the kids to the lake house in Wisconsin for the week only to turn around and come home and head out to South Carolina two days after we get back. Yes, i know how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I am a glutton for punishment. But to be honest, the Hubs and I love a road trip. And yes, taking two kids on that many miles can be a bit of a challenge. But we are all about providing them with future fodder with which to complain about us. "Think you've got it bad? My parents once made me and my brother set in the back seat. Together! For 2000 miles. In one summer!" Ahhh, good times.
So, I am looking forward to vacation, always with a wary eye. But for now things have to be done here at Bushwood. BTW, that's what my husband and I have termed our estate little house on the hill. No, we do not think we are that important, but yes, it is from Caddyshack.
Back to the point. I need to plant all my flowers and shrubs and get them well-established before my sister-in-law comes to house sit. She has promised to water said plants but makes no guarantees on the eventual outcome. I, in turn, have promised to bring her back some really good cheese from Wisconsin but make no guarantee about stinkiness of said cheese.
I also need to get my windows washed and the deck power washed. And the basement needs cleaned out and painted. None of this is being helped by this rain that has decided to settle over the Ohio River Valley for the past 5 days.
Oh, and did I mention that I have set the totally unrealistic goal of losing 15 lbs by the end of May. I know it sounds crazy, and it probably is. But I do have some logical thinking behind it. See I have been in a slump for the last two months. That's right, TWO MONTHS! I have gained and lost the same 2-4 pounds over and over again since Valentine's.  But, I think that I have finally busted through and if I can get a bit of a jump-start I could actually reach a pretty impressive number by vacation.
That is to say, if I could actually get outside and do something. Yes, I have my videos and my treadmill and my gym. But to me nothing is s substitute for a good old fashioned walk. I try to walk 3-4 miles a day 3 days a week. (Plus my regular gym workouts) and now that it's nice out I've added to that with hikes at our local State Park. Love me some hiking. It makes me feel athletic and outdoors-y.
So I guess I'll just be hitting the gym harder and riding the treadmill a little longer and watching the forecast to see when I can actually emerge from this cave. Dramatic, I know.  But you don't understand. It's actually raaaainnninng out there.

Alive and Kickin'

I'm back, for those that care. And well, those that don't can go to hell. (RIP Dixie Carter). I took a little break from the blog because, well, I wanted to. No I did not take a break from my eating or exercise plans. But I might as well have for all the good it did me. Or didn't do, as the case would be.
Anyways, the long and the short of it is this. I just today broke through a 5 week (no shit- 5 week) plateau. I think 5 weeks counts more as a stall out and I think my trainer kind of did too, 'cause she suggested I get my thyroid checked. And maybe I will, but just not right now. I lost weight this week, bitches, so suck it, thyroid!
It's really amazing when you think about it, that after a weekend such as I just had that any weight at all was lost. I spent the past month tracking what I was eating like a mad person and doubling up on exercise just to see the scale mock me. Finally I get fed up and say F it and go on a weekend pleasure spree at the horse track and, Voila - plateau busted. Maybe that's what my metabolism needed all along. A swift kick in the arse.
Also said weekend has left me with a severe sunburn and a stuffy nose from what the "bubble-headed bleach blond that comes on at 5" tells me is a record breaking year for tree pollen. How very helpful. But whatever. Not gonna slow me down.
I have a Northwoods lakehouse vacation coming up in 6 weeks, followed by a week at the beach with my babies. Then later in the summer Hubby and I will be taking a second honeymoon to mark our 10th wedding anniversary. So, you see, I need to be in shape.
Last summer I had a bit of a problem staying on track. As this summer looms ahead I am determined not to let that happen again. I am going to come up with some sort of plan and - here's where the details get a little sketchy - I'm gonna stick to it. No, seriously!
Hubby has promised me a shopping trip worthy of Clinton Kelly if I can get to my goal weight and I intend to take him up on it. He's gonna be SORRY. he he he. (you can't see me, but I am greedily rubbing my hands together, while practicing my evil smirk)
Oh, and UPDATE! I killed two birds with one stone. I kicked my magazine habit and with the money I'm saving I hired a cleaning lady. I love her! She only comes once every two weeks, but man! She gets more done on that day than I manage to do the other 13. Girl is good!
So, there you have it. Nothing terribly witty or earth-shattering or even very ironic today. Just back in the groove and feeling pretty good.

Things That Never Were, and Never Will Be

Recently I wrote about how being bigger kept me from doing things that I really wanted to do. I was so ashamed of being fat that I wouldn't let myself have fun. I am trying to overcome that and am accomplishing it, to varying degrees of success. What I have learned, though, is that there is a flip side to this.
So many of us have the mindset that "things will be better when". You know, when we get married, when we have a baby, when I have more money, or in my case- when I am skinny. Well, I have recently come to the conclusion that I will never be skinny. And shockingly enough, it's OK. Even if I were things would not magically become "better" and I don't know why I thought they would. The realization is strangely freeing.
This has led me to think of other things that I have always wanted. Things that I never had any chance of getting. Things that I was too focused on having that I lost sight of the things in my life that are truly worthy of my time.

1. I will never be a Rock Star. I know you're shocked, but seriously. I have spent an embarrasing amount of time thinking that I was cheated of my destiny by not being able to sing. I can't even bellow. Truly. Which is tragic considering that I am an afficianado of Rock and Roll. Unfortunately, being thinner will not magically transform my vocal cords into sounding like Anne Wilson.
2. Being thinner will not make me a better mother. This one's tricky because while it is true that being in better health will allow me to have more energy to spend on my family, it does not guarantee that I will like it. Now please, don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything in this world. But being skinny is not going to make me like the school fund-raiser any better. I'm just not that kind of mini-van driving, PTA volunteering, T-ball practice carpooling, kind of mom. Thank Bob for those moms. But I'm more of a social-commentating, tree-hugging, be sure to read your banned books, kind of mom. Being skinny ain't going to change that. I'll just look better in the "Kill Whitey" T shirt.
3. I will never ever ever like exercise. I used to think that I didn't enjoy exercise because I was fat. I now know that I do not like exercise because it sucks. I still look in wonder at those fit and fabulous women who get off on the exercise endorphans and seem to glow rather than sweat. And it is true that I always feel better after I exercise. But I also always feel better after an ice cream sundae, so I'm thinking that's not the best argument for me. I exercise because my body needs it just like oxygen and broccoli and smutty paperbacks.
4. I am never going to be neat. Not neat as in cool. Neat as in well organized and clean. I am basically a clean person. I don't like dirty dishes or clothes laying around. I vacume regularly because I don't like dog hair all over everything. And I make my kids keep their rooms and play room clean because, frankly, no one ever made me do that and that's how I got this way. What I am not, is organized. I am a magazine junkie and I have them in every room of the house. I read like a fiend all different types of books and all of those tomes, combined with those of my husband and kids, combine to form a library that would make an old school librarian blush. Being thin is certainly not going to change any of that. If only.
5. I will never climb Mt. Everest. Mostly for the simple fact that I don't want to, but that's hardly the point. I always thought that when I lost weight I would want to go on all of these adventures. And I still do. I just no longer feel like I have to prove anything to anyone. I don't need the status of climbing a mountain or hiking the full length of the Appalachian Trail. What I would like to do is do a couple of day hikes and still have enough energy to enjoy the spa back at the hotel. I want to go to Ireland and be able to enjoy Dublin and the Irish countryside with out feeling like I need a vacation from my vacation. And I want to. . .well, there's lots of things I want to do, but I won't neccessarily be waiting until I lose weight to do them. I'm alive now and I intend to live while I can.

So there you go. those are the things that I will never be or have or do. And because I have let go of those unrealistic goals I have been able to spend more time focusing on the things that I can have. I will be planning a vacation to the beach this summer with my kids where I will be wearing a bathing suit, not without some apprehension, but still. I will be playing a lot of Beatles Rock Band in the comfort of my own living room. Afterall, if I can't play the drums at least as well as Ringo, then i shouldn't be allowed to have Rock and Roll Dreams. And I even think that, if I can finagle the budget around just a bit, I will be hiring that cleaning lady.
 Hey, don't judge me. Those that can't cook eat out. Those that can't clean hire a cleaning lady. And the best part is that I can trudge to the gym and when I get back my house will be neat.

Valerie Bertinelli Kicked My Ass

To be fair it was actually her personal trainer, Christopher Ross Lane who performed said ass-kicking via Val's new much anticipated workout DVD Valerie Bertinelli Losing It and Keeping Fit.
I'm not a huge fan of workout DVDs, namely because anything that is too convenient for me is not a great idea. I tend to be an excuse maker. If I don't get up and go to the gym first thing in the morning, then it's highly likely, if not probable, that I am not going to do any kind of workout that day. That being said I do have one walking DVD that I am quite fond of, and of course there's always the old Wii Fit, both of which are handy on snow days and such.
And I will admit to having something of a girl-crush on Valerie Bertinelli ever since she became the Jenny Craig spokesperson. I enjoyed watching her lose the weight and even though she and I had nothing in common (age, body-type, family situation, lifestyle, or income) and I certainly had no intention of joining Jenny Craig. Still I secretly coveted all things Valerie - Eddie VanHalen not withstanding.
So I was overjoyed when she came out with the DVD. I wanted to splash backwards into a pool in my blue bikini, too! I of course pre-ordered on Amazon and counted down the days untill brown brought it to me.
I liked that there were two fitness levels. Level 1, 20 minutes and level 2, 40 minutes. Heck, I'd been working out and was in relatively good shape. I was strong. I should just jump right to the level 2. My super smart husband reminded me that since this DVD was new and I knew nothing about it, I should at least start on level 1 and go from there. Fine, I thought, I'll humor him.
OK, nobody tell him this, but he was totally right. The 20 minute workout wasn't too intense, by any means, but it was definately nothing to sniff at. I decided to do it for a few days before moving on to the 40 minute workout. That day came two days ago.
I got up, got my workout pants on - the Nike spandex ones that my mamaw got me as a well-meaning Christmas gift, but that I refuse to wear outside of this house - had my smoothie, took my vitamins, and fired up the old Panasonic.
Holy Crap. There was Val, in all her pony-tailed cuteness. And there was Christopher, looking like nothing so much as a more gay, more buff version of Ashley Wilkes (I'm not kidding, and once you get that image in your mind, well, good luck) But Ashley was never so sadistic, or Miss Melly knew something we didn't. Anyways, I could tell right away that this workout would be different. I swear to you the music was ominous and Val had a nervous look on her face that said that she, like Miss Melly, knew what was up.
I won't go into any details, because to be honest there was nothing new here. There were a lot of squats and lunges and crunches and the such, but when it was over I could barely haul my sorry ass up off the floor. And there were definately cardiac benefits because my heart was racing and there was enough sweat dripping off my to float a boat.
The real test came the next morning though. When I woke up, I noticed that I was a bit sore, but no biggie. Wrong. I went in to set on the toilet, like I do first thing every morning, and Jeez-O-Peet. My legs and thighs and ass muscles were positively screaming. SCREAMING! Everytime I got up or sat down for the rest of the day was excrutiating. I swear to you that I "held it" for close to five hours because I didn't want to go set on the toilet again. The next day was only marginally better. The only exercise I could do for the next two days was walk on the hated treadmill, which for once I was pleased to do because - you know - I couldn't set much. So I got in almost 10 miles over two and a half days and am looking forward to going back to gym tomorrow.
The verdict is that Val didn't get that body from nothing. If Christopher was her trainer then she definately earned it. And while I still have my pool-splashing bikini dreams, I think I'll have to think twice before I do that level 2 workout again. I'll get there, but Holy Crap, I'm gonna have to work back up to it.

2009 Year In Review

There it goes. Another year in the books. And turns out my grannie really was right. I really shouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up, time does indeed go faster. I thought that since this was my first whole year in my weight loss hell journey, it might be beneficial to go over my progress. Kind of a performance review, if you will. I don't really have one of those nine-to-fives so I'm not real up to date on the proper procedure for such a thing. But here goes.
On the up-side I've lost 30+ pounds in 2009. Not exactly setting the world on fire, I know, but still respectable and definately more than I've ever been able to lose before. And more importantly I've managed to more or less keep it off.
I'm proud of the fact that I have lost this weight with good old fashioned diet and exercise. And when I say diet, I don't mean any kind of gimmick. For me it has been more of a change in eating habits all together. It took  a while but I seem to have finally found a way to eat in a healthy way that allows me to still eat my favorite foods (within reason) and lose weight. My exercise hasn't been to shabby either. I work out at Curves at least 3 times a week. (I have recently settled on a Mon., Tue., Thur., Fri. schedule). I like the workout Curves gives me because it combines strength training with cardio in an efficiant 30 min. workout that is designed just for women. I also try to get in 30 extra minutes of cardio every day. Some days I'm more successful than others, but I'm trying. I also love DVDs. My favorite is Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds. I have used this DVD on many a snow day when I couldn't get to the gym.
Something else I'm extremely proud of the fact that -due to said workouts- my arms kind of rock. Yes there's still a little jiggle in the hated bingo-wing area, but there is FINALLY definition. Did you here me, world? I am way over half-way there to sexy arms. Do you have your tickets to the gun show?
And another unexpected, but just as delightful benefit has been that due to my improved eating habits (read: more fruits and vegis, less sugar and fat and white flour. plus a good multi and fish oil caplets) my skin has never been clearer. I mean, I know that we are what we eat and all that, but had I known how dramatically my new lifestyle would effect my appearance, and not just my waist line, I would have gone with it MUCH sooner. Yes, I really am that vain. I mean, I am the girl that never smoked, not so much out of health concerns, but because it causes premature wrinkling and stinky hair. Seriously.
And now for the bad stuff. Yes, I know. But even I couldn't toot my own horn for very long.
The worst is that there have been plenty of times this past year when I could have done better. Not vacations or holidays or anything like that, just everyday old slacking off times that I totally could have done better. Yes, I know setbacks happen and when there is a perfectly good reason for a setback I can accept it a little better. But what I'm talking about is times when I just simply did not do my best. And that pisses me off. It is, as my dad would say, NOT ACCEPTABLE!
And speaking of setbacks, there have been a few.
Summer vaction didn't exactly get me down, but a 3,200 mile, 44 total driving hours, road trip to the great NorthWoods didn't exactly do me any good. For the first thing, I was away from home for 2 1/2 weeks. Away from the gym. Eating out. On the road. Get it? But on the other hand, I managed to squeeze in a decent amount of physical exercise like hiking, walking, and canoeing.
Also this was the year that my husband "Rocked the Stadium of my Heart." (lame, I know, but too cheesy to pass up) We went to the Kentucky State Fair (read: corn dogs and beer) to see Heart and Journey. Awesome show and not too bad as far as food consumption went. I mean, we were at the actual fair for less than 4 hours. Then there was my 30th birthday trip to Oklahoma to see The Black Eyed Peas and U2. That's right, baby, U2!!! Yes the show was AMAZING!!! Thank you, thank you to my wonderful husband for the best birthday gift ever. My ass, however wasn't quite so thankful for the Oklahoma beef steaks and ribs and, well, you get the idea. Not to mention the little French pattisserie located next to our hotel. I know, right,  authentic French pastries in Oklahoma City! I was surprised too.
Then there was the holidays. Cue the ominous theater music here. Technically it wasn't the actuall holidays that did me in. I cruised through Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and even amanaged to lose a couple of pounds that week. Then there was Christmas. Cookies and fudge and parties and girls night and family get togethers with three different families and ham and biscuits and bread pudding and egg nog. And through all of that I didn't gain a single pound. True, I definately didn't lose any either, but I didn't gain any. Not one. Shew, what a sigh of relief. Whoa there, not so fast, girl! It happened during the week between Christmas and New Years. I gained 4 lbs. What the hell? Did PMS come early this week, I wondered? Not so much. Nothing more complicated than me letting my guard down. The left-overs got me. Did I mention how much that pisses me off.
So now it's a week later and I've almost lost the holiday weight. Only one more pound to go. The snow is piling up outside right now, but none of it can get me down. If I'm stuck at home, I'll just break out my DVDs and, Oh yeah, Wii Fit. Love that stuff.
I guess I haven't done all that I could have done in the past year, but I think that I have lost a realistic amount of weight living a realistic lifestyle. I mean, sure if I wanted to go all Biggest Loser and eat 1600 calories a day while burning off 6000, then yeah I could totally have lost more weight. I'm confident thought that the weight I have lost will stay off. I know this because of my daily weigh in. Yeah I know what they say. It'll drive you crazy. But I have found it very helpful. I have been able to monitor what works and doesn't work from day to day and I'm able to quickly shave off any extra LBs before it gets out of control. I would like to eventually get to a point when I reach my goal weight where I can weigh myself once a week, but for now I'm OK with being a little OCD.
So, 2009, goodbye. You've been a good one. We had our ups and downs but all in all I can't say too much bad about ya'. And, 2010, how you doin'?