Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Vacation From My Life

So I'm headed out on a two week vacation to the North Woods. My parents own a lake house in northern Wisconsin and we are soon to be north bound and down. I can't wait. I long to set on the dock and do nothing but stare at the peaceful lake and woods. And there's one more thing I'm looking forward to.
The food.
Wisconsin is the dairy state, as we all know. I could live on the cheese alone. But it also happens to be a very fine place to have a beer (love me some Leinie Light) or maybe a sausage or two (Bratwurst, anyone?) What's a girl to do?
Sure I've been busting hump to get ready for this trip. Not that I'm trying to impress anyone in the North Woods. They could care less. But I told myself all along that I would go and have a good time and not stress about it. But now I'm not so sure.
I'm going to get a guest pass so I can work out at the Curves up there. But, honestly, I'm not sure of the reality of me actually going. I know I will get in some hiking and canoeing. But I can't say with any regularity. I'm going to try to walk around the island most days. But you know how it is on vacation. You have the best intentions but after the first couple of days you find yourself all relaxed and stress free (which is a good thing) and you just push the 'fuck it' button.
I want to enjoy my vacation and not stress about eating too much or not exercising enough but I'm just not sure how. I guess I'm just going to have to find the right balance between beer and brawn.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Grades Are In

I got my report card (so to speak) on Friday. You know by now that I work out at Curves, a women's only gym, and I love it. I try to go about four times a week, though since school's been out it's been more like three. One of the things Curves does is a monthly Progress Report that helps you track . . . well, your progress.
So now I am about to be brutally honest and share my report with you. I debated with myself over doing this, but if I'm going to be honest then I'm going to be 100%. Besides it can't be as embarrassing as standing in front of millions of TV viewers in a sports bra and bike shorts like The Biggest Loser contestants, right?
Keep in mind that I started charting my progress when I got my Smart Card (another great Curves tool) which I got in the beginning of December so my starting weight and measurements on the report is actually a little bit lower than when I actually started 6 weeks prior to that. Honesty, right?
OK, we'll start with the weight 'cause that's what everyone wants to know, right? Starting weight 236.40. Weight on 6/12/09 217.7lbs for a total weight loss of 18.7lbs. (24lbs. since the very beginning - yeah me!) My BMI (which I think is just a tool that the government uses to keep women in their place) down from 39.3 to 36.2. Now for the body fat. Yuck. This is definitely the most embarrassing part. It started out at 44%. That, to me, is completely unacceptable. That's almost half my body weight as fat. Disgusting. It is now down to 42%. Not a lot, I know. But it's a start.
My measurements have gone down too. Bust -2", Waist -3", Abdomen -4.75", Hips -4", Thighs -2", Arm -1". That may not seem like a lot, but it adds up to a total of 16.75" lost. So all in all, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I know I've still got a long (LONG) way to go, but when I'm seeing results it motivates me to want to lose more.
So stay tuned. My next report is due July 10. I'm hoping to have lost another 5 - 8lbs. by then. But I also have a two week vacation coming up right in the middle of that, so we'll see.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Why Celebrity Fat Matters More Than My Fat

Is it just me, or is Jessica Simpson just a little more likable now that she's 'fat'. By fat I mean that she's not a size double negative zero, which in Hollywood we know is the standard. The news (ok ok, it was E! News, but still) recently reported that J. Simps. had ballooned up to a size 8 (AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!) and may be headed towards a size 10. A size 10, as you know, enters into that dangerous world of double digits that Hollywood insiders speak of in whispers the same way your grandma says the word sex. They theorize that all of this may have come about due to the stress of her switching from pop singer to country western. But I have a slightly different theory. I think that she's not 'fat' because of country music - I think she went to country music because it's slightly more acceptable to be 'fat'. But that's just my opinion.
However, back to the original point, I think that Miss Simpson's 'fatness' just makes her seem more human. More like one of us. I will admit that back in the Nick and Jessica days (and pretty much any time since then) I was not a fan of J.Simps. To be honest, I hated her. I feel like there are times that when she opens her mouth to say something the whole world gets just a little bit dumber. One of my friends, who is a huge fan, would defend her and say that the ditzyness was just an act. Sorry no dice. Even if I believed that Simpson was a secret Lois Lane, which I don't, it just makes it worse that she would choose to be a dumb blonde - thereby making women everywhere seem a little less valuable.
Though admittedly, Miss Simpson has been blessed. Cute, semi-talented husband. Relatively successfull career. Beautiful golden Barbie hair and (allegedly real) perfect D-cups. A cute and quirky sister and the cutest little nephew ever. Not to mention the smokin' hot and decidedly more talented boyfriend, Tony Romo. You go girl! But now there's a little tarnish on her golden shine. I think, 'Hey, this girl's got problem's too.' And I like that. It probably doesn't make me like her anymore than I ever did. But I will at least cringe a little on her behalf when the 'press' calls her fat.
Because, honey, I know from fat. At her fattest, which was evidently that photo on every magazine cover of Simpson performing wearing a pair of extremely tight, extremely high waisted denim trousers and a tank top (BTW, Jess, what the hell. Did you honestly think that was a good look for anyone other than the Olson sisters?) she doesn't weigh in anywhere near what I would consider my goal weight.
If I were, by some miracle if the grapefruit diet and a tapeworm, to manage to get to the point that Jessica Simpson is at now I would be labeled all over my home town as 'sickly' "What happened to her?" they would ask themselves and each other after I had left. Because gossip is the favorite recreation in the south after all. "She's fallen off real bad." "She couldn't have done that natural." "Bet she's on pills or somethin'." "Probably." They would all agree and I would be placed on every prayer chain this side of the Ohio River. But I don't live in Hollywood. Thank God. I could maybe do New York, but L.A. - no thank you.
And Jessica Simpson doesn't live in Appalachia, another Thank God, and I do. If she did, she wouldn't have to worry about her weight. She would be dubbed right skinny and that would no doubt feed her need for constant validation and she would be very happy indeed. But alas she can't come. No offense, Jess, but I have enough problems of my own without having to compare myself to you. No I think I like Simpson exactly where she is. Out west in la la land where I can consider her a celeb and therefore exempt from the normal rules of society. And I like her a little on the chunky side.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Summertime Blues

Today is June 2. That means that in my hometown it is the last day of school. I took my kids to school this morning and all the teachers were walking around with a slightly dazed but wondrous look on their faces. Like they couldn't believe they were actually being released from jail. The kids, naturally, were nuts. It was like some deranged zookeeper had fed all the howler monkeys Red Bull. Crazy! But, alas, all I could feel was dread.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to spending more time with my kids and going on vacation and generally just living easy for the next couple of months. But I can't help but wonder - 'what is all this easy living going to do to my diet?' I hate using the word diet, because I have tried very hard not to be on one. I think that just by putting yourself on a diet you are setting yourself up for failure because eventually you are going to have to go off that diet. But I have used the word here for lack of a better term.
I suppose what I have really accomplished over the last few months is a new way of eating, and living too, I suppose. And, not to pat myself on the back too much, but I'm pretty proud of myself. Sure I have lost weight very (very) slowly. But I have also built more muscle and exercise endurance and I have gotten my body to the point that if I happen to have a glass of wine or a piece of birthday cake, I don't instantly gain five pounds. To me that's pretty awesome. But now I'm wondering, 'Is it all for naught? Is all the hard work I've put in over the past six months going to be lost over a few weeks of laziness?"
Summertime is hard on a diet. It means ice cream on the deck, and hot dogs and hamburgers, and family reunions with grandma's fried chicken, and margaritas by the pool, and the most hated of all summer diet killers - sweet tea. So what's a girl to do?
I am really afraid that the relaxed rules of the summer are going to tempt me to relax the rules of my 'diet' before I've reached my goal. I am used to getting up every morning and getting the kids ready for school then hitting the gym and then doing a 2 mile walk a few times a week to boot. It eventually became part of my schedule and a natural part of my day. I'm worried now that since I will have to make arrangements for my kids so that I can go work out (and to be honest my family and friends have been really supportive in this - but still) I will be tempted just to blow it off. How do I stay motivated when everything around me is screaming at me to take it easy?
As bad as I hate to I guess I'm just going to have to buy a clothes rack so I can start hanging my laundry on something besides my treadmill. Oh, I do hate that thing. Whoever said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions was wrong. The road to hell is on a treadmill!