So I'm headed out on a two week vacation to the North Woods. My parents own a lake house in northern Wisconsin and we are soon to be north bound and down. I can't wait. I long to set on the dock and do nothing but stare at the peaceful lake and woods. And there's one more thing I'm looking forward to.
The food.
Wisconsin is the dairy state, as we all know. I could live on the cheese alone. But it also happens to be a very fine place to have a beer (love me some Leinie Light) or maybe a sausage or two (Bratwurst, anyone?) What's a girl to do?
Sure I've been busting hump to get ready for this trip. Not that I'm trying to impress anyone in the North Woods. They could care less. But I told myself all along that I would go and have a good time and not stress about it. But now I'm not so sure.
I'm going to get a guest pass so I can work out at the Curves up there. But, honestly, I'm not sure of the reality of me actually going. I know I will get in some hiking and canoeing. But I can't say with any regularity. I'm going to try to walk around the island most days. But you know how it is on vacation. You have the best intentions but after the first couple of days you find yourself all relaxed and stress free (which is a good thing) and you just push the 'fuck it' button.
I want to enjoy my vacation and not stress about eating too much or not exercising enough but I'm just not sure how. I guess I'm just going to have to find the right balance between beer and brawn.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Grades Are In
I got my report card (so to speak) on Friday. You know by now that I work out at Curves, a women's only gym, and I love it. I try to go about four times a week, though since school's been out it's been more like three. One of the things Curves does is a monthly Progress Report that helps you track . . . well, your progress.
So now I am about to be brutally honest and share my report with you. I debated with myself over doing this, but if I'm going to be honest then I'm going to be 100%. Besides it can't be as embarrassing as standing in front of millions of TV viewers in a sports bra and bike shorts like The Biggest Loser contestants, right?
Keep in mind that I started charting my progress when I got my Smart Card (another great Curves tool) which I got in the beginning of December so my starting weight and measurements on the report is actually a little bit lower than when I actually started 6 weeks prior to that. Honesty, right?
OK, we'll start with the weight 'cause that's what everyone wants to know, right? Starting weight 236.40. Weight on 6/12/09 217.7lbs for a total weight loss of 18.7lbs. (24lbs. since the very beginning - yeah me!) My BMI (which I think is just a tool that the government uses to keep women in their place) down from 39.3 to 36.2. Now for the body fat. Yuck. This is definitely the most embarrassing part. It started out at 44%. That, to me, is completely unacceptable. That's almost half my body weight as fat. Disgusting. It is now down to 42%. Not a lot, I know. But it's a start.
My measurements have gone down too. Bust -2", Waist -3", Abdomen -4.75", Hips -4", Thighs -2", Arm -1". That may not seem like a lot, but it adds up to a total of 16.75" lost. So all in all, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I know I've still got a long (LONG) way to go, but when I'm seeing results it motivates me to want to lose more.
So stay tuned. My next report is due July 10. I'm hoping to have lost another 5 - 8lbs. by then. But I also have a two week vacation coming up right in the middle of that, so we'll see.
So now I am about to be brutally honest and share my report with you. I debated with myself over doing this, but if I'm going to be honest then I'm going to be 100%. Besides it can't be as embarrassing as standing in front of millions of TV viewers in a sports bra and bike shorts like The Biggest Loser contestants, right?
Keep in mind that I started charting my progress when I got my Smart Card (another great Curves tool) which I got in the beginning of December so my starting weight and measurements on the report is actually a little bit lower than when I actually started 6 weeks prior to that. Honesty, right?
OK, we'll start with the weight 'cause that's what everyone wants to know, right? Starting weight 236.40. Weight on 6/12/09 217.7lbs for a total weight loss of 18.7lbs. (24lbs. since the very beginning - yeah me!) My BMI (which I think is just a tool that the government uses to keep women in their place) down from 39.3 to 36.2. Now for the body fat. Yuck. This is definitely the most embarrassing part. It started out at 44%. That, to me, is completely unacceptable. That's almost half my body weight as fat. Disgusting. It is now down to 42%. Not a lot, I know. But it's a start.
My measurements have gone down too. Bust -2", Waist -3", Abdomen -4.75", Hips -4", Thighs -2", Arm -1". That may not seem like a lot, but it adds up to a total of 16.75" lost. So all in all, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I know I've still got a long (LONG) way to go, but when I'm seeing results it motivates me to want to lose more.
So stay tuned. My next report is due July 10. I'm hoping to have lost another 5 - 8lbs. by then. But I also have a two week vacation coming up right in the middle of that, so we'll see.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Why Celebrity Fat Matters More Than My Fat
Is it just me, or is Jessica Simpson just a little more likable now that she's 'fat'. By fat I mean that she's not a size double negative zero, which in Hollywood we know is the standard. The news (ok ok, it was E! News, but still) recently reported that J. Simps. had ballooned up to a size 8 (AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!) and may be headed towards a size 10. A size 10, as you know, enters into that dangerous world of double digits that Hollywood insiders speak of in whispers the same way your grandma says the word sex. They theorize that all of this may have come about due to the stress of her switching from pop singer to country western. But I have a slightly different theory. I think that she's not 'fat' because of country music - I think she went to country music because it's slightly more acceptable to be 'fat'. But that's just my opinion.
However, back to the original point, I think that Miss Simpson's 'fatness' just makes her seem more human. More like one of us. I will admit that back in the Nick and Jessica days (and pretty much any time since then) I was not a fan of J.Simps. To be honest, I hated her. I feel like there are times that when she opens her mouth to say something the whole world gets just a little bit dumber. One of my friends, who is a huge fan, would defend her and say that the ditzyness was just an act. Sorry no dice. Even if I believed that Simpson was a secret Lois Lane, which I don't, it just makes it worse that she would choose to be a dumb blonde - thereby making women everywhere seem a little less valuable.
Though admittedly, Miss Simpson has been blessed. Cute, semi-talented husband. Relatively successfull career. Beautiful golden Barbie hair and (allegedly real) perfect D-cups. A cute and quirky sister and the cutest little nephew ever. Not to mention the smokin' hot and decidedly more talented boyfriend, Tony Romo. You go girl! But now there's a little tarnish on her golden shine. I think, 'Hey, this girl's got problem's too.' And I like that. It probably doesn't make me like her anymore than I ever did. But I will at least cringe a little on her behalf when the 'press' calls her fat.
Because, honey, I know from fat. At her fattest, which was evidently that photo on every magazine cover of Simpson performing wearing a pair of extremely tight, extremely high waisted denim trousers and a tank top (BTW, Jess, what the hell. Did you honestly think that was a good look for anyone other than the Olson sisters?) she doesn't weigh in anywhere near what I would consider my goal weight.
If I were, by some miracle if the grapefruit diet and a tapeworm, to manage to get to the point that Jessica Simpson is at now I would be labeled all over my home town as 'sickly' "What happened to her?" they would ask themselves and each other after I had left. Because gossip is the favorite recreation in the south after all. "She's fallen off real bad." "She couldn't have done that natural." "Bet she's on pills or somethin'." "Probably." They would all agree and I would be placed on every prayer chain this side of the Ohio River. But I don't live in Hollywood. Thank God. I could maybe do New York, but L.A. - no thank you.
And Jessica Simpson doesn't live in Appalachia, another Thank God, and I do. If she did, she wouldn't have to worry about her weight. She would be dubbed right skinny and that would no doubt feed her need for constant validation and she would be very happy indeed. But alas she can't come. No offense, Jess, but I have enough problems of my own without having to compare myself to you. No I think I like Simpson exactly where she is. Out west in la la land where I can consider her a celeb and therefore exempt from the normal rules of society. And I like her a little on the chunky side.
However, back to the original point, I think that Miss Simpson's 'fatness' just makes her seem more human. More like one of us. I will admit that back in the Nick and Jessica days (and pretty much any time since then) I was not a fan of J.Simps. To be honest, I hated her. I feel like there are times that when she opens her mouth to say something the whole world gets just a little bit dumber. One of my friends, who is a huge fan, would defend her and say that the ditzyness was just an act. Sorry no dice. Even if I believed that Simpson was a secret Lois Lane, which I don't, it just makes it worse that she would choose to be a dumb blonde - thereby making women everywhere seem a little less valuable.
Though admittedly, Miss Simpson has been blessed. Cute, semi-talented husband. Relatively successfull career. Beautiful golden Barbie hair and (allegedly real) perfect D-cups. A cute and quirky sister and the cutest little nephew ever. Not to mention the smokin' hot and decidedly more talented boyfriend, Tony Romo. You go girl! But now there's a little tarnish on her golden shine. I think, 'Hey, this girl's got problem's too.' And I like that. It probably doesn't make me like her anymore than I ever did. But I will at least cringe a little on her behalf when the 'press' calls her fat.
Because, honey, I know from fat. At her fattest, which was evidently that photo on every magazine cover of Simpson performing wearing a pair of extremely tight, extremely high waisted denim trousers and a tank top (BTW, Jess, what the hell. Did you honestly think that was a good look for anyone other than the Olson sisters?) she doesn't weigh in anywhere near what I would consider my goal weight.
If I were, by some miracle if the grapefruit diet and a tapeworm, to manage to get to the point that Jessica Simpson is at now I would be labeled all over my home town as 'sickly' "What happened to her?" they would ask themselves and each other after I had left. Because gossip is the favorite recreation in the south after all. "She's fallen off real bad." "She couldn't have done that natural." "Bet she's on pills or somethin'." "Probably." They would all agree and I would be placed on every prayer chain this side of the Ohio River. But I don't live in Hollywood. Thank God. I could maybe do New York, but L.A. - no thank you.
And Jessica Simpson doesn't live in Appalachia, another Thank God, and I do. If she did, she wouldn't have to worry about her weight. She would be dubbed right skinny and that would no doubt feed her need for constant validation and she would be very happy indeed. But alas she can't come. No offense, Jess, but I have enough problems of my own without having to compare myself to you. No I think I like Simpson exactly where she is. Out west in la la land where I can consider her a celeb and therefore exempt from the normal rules of society. And I like her a little on the chunky side.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Summertime Blues
Today is June 2. That means that in my hometown it is the last day of school. I took my kids to school this morning and all the teachers were walking around with a slightly dazed but wondrous look on their faces. Like they couldn't believe they were actually being released from jail. The kids, naturally, were nuts. It was like some deranged zookeeper had fed all the howler monkeys Red Bull. Crazy! But, alas, all I could feel was dread.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to spending more time with my kids and going on vacation and generally just living easy for the next couple of months. But I can't help but wonder - 'what is all this easy living going to do to my diet?' I hate using the word diet, because I have tried very hard not to be on one. I think that just by putting yourself on a diet you are setting yourself up for failure because eventually you are going to have to go off that diet. But I have used the word here for lack of a better term.
I suppose what I have really accomplished over the last few months is a new way of eating, and living too, I suppose. And, not to pat myself on the back too much, but I'm pretty proud of myself. Sure I have lost weight very (very) slowly. But I have also built more muscle and exercise endurance and I have gotten my body to the point that if I happen to have a glass of wine or a piece of birthday cake, I don't instantly gain five pounds. To me that's pretty awesome. But now I'm wondering, 'Is it all for naught? Is all the hard work I've put in over the past six months going to be lost over a few weeks of laziness?"
Summertime is hard on a diet. It means ice cream on the deck, and hot dogs and hamburgers, and family reunions with grandma's fried chicken, and margaritas by the pool, and the most hated of all summer diet killers - sweet tea. So what's a girl to do?
I am really afraid that the relaxed rules of the summer are going to tempt me to relax the rules of my 'diet' before I've reached my goal. I am used to getting up every morning and getting the kids ready for school then hitting the gym and then doing a 2 mile walk a few times a week to boot. It eventually became part of my schedule and a natural part of my day. I'm worried now that since I will have to make arrangements for my kids so that I can go work out (and to be honest my family and friends have been really supportive in this - but still) I will be tempted just to blow it off. How do I stay motivated when everything around me is screaming at me to take it easy?
As bad as I hate to I guess I'm just going to have to buy a clothes rack so I can start hanging my laundry on something besides my treadmill. Oh, I do hate that thing. Whoever said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions was wrong. The road to hell is on a treadmill!
Now, don't get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to spending more time with my kids and going on vacation and generally just living easy for the next couple of months. But I can't help but wonder - 'what is all this easy living going to do to my diet?' I hate using the word diet, because I have tried very hard not to be on one. I think that just by putting yourself on a diet you are setting yourself up for failure because eventually you are going to have to go off that diet. But I have used the word here for lack of a better term.
I suppose what I have really accomplished over the last few months is a new way of eating, and living too, I suppose. And, not to pat myself on the back too much, but I'm pretty proud of myself. Sure I have lost weight very (very) slowly. But I have also built more muscle and exercise endurance and I have gotten my body to the point that if I happen to have a glass of wine or a piece of birthday cake, I don't instantly gain five pounds. To me that's pretty awesome. But now I'm wondering, 'Is it all for naught? Is all the hard work I've put in over the past six months going to be lost over a few weeks of laziness?"
Summertime is hard on a diet. It means ice cream on the deck, and hot dogs and hamburgers, and family reunions with grandma's fried chicken, and margaritas by the pool, and the most hated of all summer diet killers - sweet tea. So what's a girl to do?
I am really afraid that the relaxed rules of the summer are going to tempt me to relax the rules of my 'diet' before I've reached my goal. I am used to getting up every morning and getting the kids ready for school then hitting the gym and then doing a 2 mile walk a few times a week to boot. It eventually became part of my schedule and a natural part of my day. I'm worried now that since I will have to make arrangements for my kids so that I can go work out (and to be honest my family and friends have been really supportive in this - but still) I will be tempted just to blow it off. How do I stay motivated when everything around me is screaming at me to take it easy?
As bad as I hate to I guess I'm just going to have to buy a clothes rack so I can start hanging my laundry on something besides my treadmill. Oh, I do hate that thing. Whoever said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions was wrong. The road to hell is on a treadmill!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
My Moby Dick
It is summer now. The time that all fat girls dread. The time of bathing suits and tank tops and sundresses that when applied to anyone over a size 4 can only be described as a mu mu. But none of that seems quite as important to me this year. This year I am on a quest for the perfect pair of white pants.
Yes, I know, black is more slimming. Even a nice navy blue would be more flattering. But it's summer, damn it; and I've lost 20lbs and I deserve a good looking pair of white pants! I know they're out there. My friend Mary (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) always manages to have the cutest wardrobe, white pants included, no matter how big her size. So I am convinced they can be found. I just have a few requirements.
They have to fit well. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? You would think so. But the more pants I have tried on, the more I have come to know that just because they fit, doesn't mean they fit 'well'. A winter (let's be honest- a few winters) of wearing elastic waist pants have spoiled me.
Second they have to not be denim - back to the fits well part. Besides what's the point of having cool summer pants if I'm just going to roast in them? But they also can't be so thin that you can see my Spanx through them.
And last, they have to not cost a fortune. Now there are some things in the fashion world that I am willing to shell out some scratch for. Good shoes, a fine purse, the perfect red, but not too red, lip gloss. But white pants is not one of those things. At least not this year. Now, maybe I am deluding myself, but I feel like I won't be fitting into these pants (and not in a bad way) next summer, so why should I pay a lot for them?
So to review, I want good fitting pants that are of a good fabric and that don't cost a fortune and also manage not to make me look like a marshmallow. Now that I think about it, these pants may not actually exist. But I am determined to try on every pair I can until I am convinced otherwise. I will either find them or die trying.
Well, maybe the dying part is a little extreme. How about this? I will either find them or get really pissed off and make everyone around me suffer while I'm trying. Yeah, that sounds more like it.
p.s. Here's a head scratcher for ya. I just ordered the perfect summer shirt from Old Navy. It was loose and flowey. It was the perfect ocean blue/green color. (Would look awesome with aforesaid white pants.) But it arrived on the big brown truck and when I opened it to try it on - it was completely backless. What the hell. Who the crap makes a shirt in a size 16 that you can't wear a bra with? Ass holes. Damn you, modelquins!
Yes, I know, black is more slimming. Even a nice navy blue would be more flattering. But it's summer, damn it; and I've lost 20lbs and I deserve a good looking pair of white pants! I know they're out there. My friend Mary (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) always manages to have the cutest wardrobe, white pants included, no matter how big her size. So I am convinced they can be found. I just have a few requirements.
They have to fit well. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? You would think so. But the more pants I have tried on, the more I have come to know that just because they fit, doesn't mean they fit 'well'. A winter (let's be honest- a few winters) of wearing elastic waist pants have spoiled me.
Second they have to not be denim - back to the fits well part. Besides what's the point of having cool summer pants if I'm just going to roast in them? But they also can't be so thin that you can see my Spanx through them.
And last, they have to not cost a fortune. Now there are some things in the fashion world that I am willing to shell out some scratch for. Good shoes, a fine purse, the perfect red, but not too red, lip gloss. But white pants is not one of those things. At least not this year. Now, maybe I am deluding myself, but I feel like I won't be fitting into these pants (and not in a bad way) next summer, so why should I pay a lot for them?
So to review, I want good fitting pants that are of a good fabric and that don't cost a fortune and also manage not to make me look like a marshmallow. Now that I think about it, these pants may not actually exist. But I am determined to try on every pair I can until I am convinced otherwise. I will either find them or die trying.
Well, maybe the dying part is a little extreme. How about this? I will either find them or get really pissed off and make everyone around me suffer while I'm trying. Yeah, that sounds more like it.
p.s. Here's a head scratcher for ya. I just ordered the perfect summer shirt from Old Navy. It was loose and flowey. It was the perfect ocean blue/green color. (Would look awesome with aforesaid white pants.) But it arrived on the big brown truck and when I opened it to try it on - it was completely backless. What the hell. Who the crap makes a shirt in a size 16 that you can't wear a bra with? Ass holes. Damn you, modelquins!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Lies That Skinny People Will Tell You
* "Oh, I can just eat whatever I want and I never seem to gain any weight." Bull Shit. Unless if by 'whatever I want' you mean a pack of Marlboro's and a sugar free red bull.
* "Those Meringue Cookies are really quite good." No they're not. And everybody knows it. The only thing they have going for them is that they're fat free. And the reason they're fat free is because they are basically egg whites, a little bit of sugar, and whipped air. Who the hell wants to eat that?
* "Why in the world do you want to lose weight? You look fine." Come on. I know I'm not fine, you know I'm not fine. Let's cut the crap and just call a spade a spade. I'm fat and I could really use your support, not your patronizing. And if by telling me I look fine you are just trying to keep me in my place - well, then you are going to have to go. Sorry.
* "But you have such pretty eye/hair/toenails/whatever." Yes, I know that, but I want to have a healthy rockin' body too.
*"Once you get going the weight will just fall off." OK, I appreciate that you are trying to be supportive, but don't lie to me. I'm fat, not stupid. I know that losing weight is hard, but I'm stronger than that.
* "Those Meringue Cookies are really quite good." No they're not. And everybody knows it. The only thing they have going for them is that they're fat free. And the reason they're fat free is because they are basically egg whites, a little bit of sugar, and whipped air. Who the hell wants to eat that?
* "Why in the world do you want to lose weight? You look fine." Come on. I know I'm not fine, you know I'm not fine. Let's cut the crap and just call a spade a spade. I'm fat and I could really use your support, not your patronizing. And if by telling me I look fine you are just trying to keep me in my place - well, then you are going to have to go. Sorry.
* "But you have such pretty eye/hair/toenails/whatever." Yes, I know that, but I want to have a healthy rockin' body too.
*"Once you get going the weight will just fall off." OK, I appreciate that you are trying to be supportive, but don't lie to me. I'm fat, not stupid. I know that losing weight is hard, but I'm stronger than that.
Things I Really Like
1. Curves. My Curves gym membership has been my salvation. It takes me only about 30-45 minutes a day. It's women only so it's completely non-threatening and my trainer is really great. She keeps me motivated and accountable with out being on my ass and making me feel guilty. Plus their weight-loss eating plan doesn't suck either.
2. 100 Calorie packs. Whatever brand or manufacturer, I don't care. There is something extremely satisfying about eating a whole bag of whatever. Plus the fact that I can lose weight while still eating Cheetos. Bitchin'!
3. Light Chocolate Soy Milk. Love it. I know it's not the same but it does fill in nicely for a chocolate shake when nothing else will do. Plus it's got loads of calcium and the extra soy protein makes it perfect for after workouts.
4. SPANX. Thank God for Spanx! They are not like the girdles of old that were so thick and crammed full of Lycra that by the time you actually got the damn thing on, you couldn't breath or set down, and forget about actually eating anything. No, Spanx just smooths you out so there are no bulges or bumps where there aren't supposed to be.
5. The Fashion Code. These two sisters were recently featured on the Rachael Ray Show. They have a system that takes you different body measurements (doesn't matter what size you wear) and gives you the right length jacket/sleeve/pant/necklace whatever to make you look your best.
6. Wii Fit. This has been a lifesaver for days when I couldn't get to Curves or when I just wanted a little something extra. The yoga is nice and I love the free run because I can change the feed on the screen and watch TV while I run and the remote keeps me on track. Awesome!
7. The Biggest Loser. Watching real people struggle to lose weight. Too good. And they do it in a healthy real way. Of course the workouts are exaggerated for TV (8 hours in the gym - come on.) But I can also see people who are way bigger than me have success. And I can be inspired by them. If they can do it, so can I. Maybe not as quickly or as publicly, but I can still get there.
8. Queen Latifah. How awesome is she? Did anyone see her on the American Idol Finale the other night? Holy Crap. She is a big girl and she was totally rocking a skin-tight, off the shoulder, black cat suit. And what's more she looked totally hot! Big girls can be just as hot and we don't have to hide it.
9. My Omega-3 supplement. Some times I can't always eat my daily suggested serving and it really does seem to make a difference for me, so supplement I will. Along w/ a daily multi, of course.
10. Quiet time. For me it's after my kids go to bed. Maybe I'll take a bath, or read a book, or talk on the phone with a friend, or just fold laundry in a quite peaceful manner. It doesn't matter. Just as long as there's some time in every day where I can take time, and just be quiet.
2. 100 Calorie packs. Whatever brand or manufacturer, I don't care. There is something extremely satisfying about eating a whole bag of whatever. Plus the fact that I can lose weight while still eating Cheetos. Bitchin'!
3. Light Chocolate Soy Milk. Love it. I know it's not the same but it does fill in nicely for a chocolate shake when nothing else will do. Plus it's got loads of calcium and the extra soy protein makes it perfect for after workouts.
4. SPANX. Thank God for Spanx! They are not like the girdles of old that were so thick and crammed full of Lycra that by the time you actually got the damn thing on, you couldn't breath or set down, and forget about actually eating anything. No, Spanx just smooths you out so there are no bulges or bumps where there aren't supposed to be.
5. The Fashion Code. These two sisters were recently featured on the Rachael Ray Show. They have a system that takes you different body measurements (doesn't matter what size you wear) and gives you the right length jacket/sleeve/pant/necklace whatever to make you look your best.
6. Wii Fit. This has been a lifesaver for days when I couldn't get to Curves or when I just wanted a little something extra. The yoga is nice and I love the free run because I can change the feed on the screen and watch TV while I run and the remote keeps me on track. Awesome!
7. The Biggest Loser. Watching real people struggle to lose weight. Too good. And they do it in a healthy real way. Of course the workouts are exaggerated for TV (8 hours in the gym - come on.) But I can also see people who are way bigger than me have success. And I can be inspired by them. If they can do it, so can I. Maybe not as quickly or as publicly, but I can still get there.
8. Queen Latifah. How awesome is she? Did anyone see her on the American Idol Finale the other night? Holy Crap. She is a big girl and she was totally rocking a skin-tight, off the shoulder, black cat suit. And what's more she looked totally hot! Big girls can be just as hot and we don't have to hide it.
9. My Omega-3 supplement. Some times I can't always eat my daily suggested serving and it really does seem to make a difference for me, so supplement I will. Along w/ a daily multi, of course.
10. Quiet time. For me it's after my kids go to bed. Maybe I'll take a bath, or read a book, or talk on the phone with a friend, or just fold laundry in a quite peaceful manner. It doesn't matter. Just as long as there's some time in every day where I can take time, and just be quiet.
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