Saturday, May 23, 2009

My Moby Dick

It is summer now. The time that all fat girls dread. The time of bathing suits and tank tops and sundresses that when applied to anyone over a size 4 can only be described as a mu mu. But none of that seems quite as important to me this year. This year I am on a quest for the perfect pair of white pants.
Yes, I know, black is more slimming. Even a nice navy blue would be more flattering. But it's summer, damn it; and I've lost 20lbs and I deserve a good looking pair of white pants! I know they're out there. My friend Mary (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) always manages to have the cutest wardrobe, white pants included, no matter how big her size. So I am convinced they can be found. I just have a few requirements.
They have to fit well. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? You would think so. But the more pants I have tried on, the more I have come to know that just because they fit, doesn't mean they fit 'well'. A winter (let's be honest- a few winters) of wearing elastic waist pants have spoiled me.
Second they have to not be denim - back to the fits well part. Besides what's the point of having cool summer pants if I'm just going to roast in them? But they also can't be so thin that you can see my Spanx through them.
And last, they have to not cost a fortune. Now there are some things in the fashion world that I am willing to shell out some scratch for. Good shoes, a fine purse, the perfect red, but not too red, lip gloss. But white pants is not one of those things. At least not this year. Now, maybe I am deluding myself, but I feel like I won't be fitting into these pants (and not in a bad way) next summer, so why should I pay a lot for them?
So to review, I want good fitting pants that are of a good fabric and that don't cost a fortune and also manage not to make me look like a marshmallow. Now that I think about it, these pants may not actually exist. But I am determined to try on every pair I can until I am convinced otherwise. I will either find them or die trying.
Well, maybe the dying part is a little extreme. How about this? I will either find them or get really pissed off and make everyone around me suffer while I'm trying. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

p.s. Here's a head scratcher for ya. I just ordered the perfect summer shirt from Old Navy. It was loose and flowey. It was the perfect ocean blue/green color. (Would look awesome with aforesaid white pants.) But it arrived on the big brown truck and when I opened it to try it on - it was completely backless. What the hell. Who the crap makes a shirt in a size 16 that you can't wear a bra with? Ass holes. Damn you, modelquins!


  1. I really hate old navy for making the plus size clothes online only. That really is so rude.

  2. I'm so very proud of you, my favorite daughter!! :)