Monday, March 21, 2011


The Today Show had a segment this morning featuring shapewear and how one can use it to look like one has lost up to ten pounds. They, of course, trotted out some relatively small women to show how shapewear works for every body type yada, yada, yada. They shared this info with us poor uninformed unsupported citizens like they had cracked the code on the cure for cancer.
Pu-leaze! I grew up in the south; with a baptist grandmother, no less. I know from Lycra. Remember that scene from Steel Magnolia's? (You know you do) The one where Truvy (Dolly Parton) and Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) are discussing poor unsuspecting Janice Van Meter and her unfortunate choice of clothing.

Truvy: Clairee, you know I'd as soon walk on my lips as to criticize; but Janice Van Meter. . .
Clairee: I know. Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket!
             I bet you she's paid $500 for that dress and hasn't bothered to put on a girdle.
Truvy: I haven't left the house without Lycra on these thighs since I was 14.
Clairee: Honey, you were raised right.
Speaking of Lycra, just how exactly did Dolly keep those famous boobs of hers from taking over the movie? Just sayin'.
I think of those two pigs fighting under a blanket every time I get dressed in more than my gym clothes. I love, love, love me some Spanx! And they are so comfortable you can wear them under anything. They are definitely not your grandmother's girdle.
Plus there are so many different varieties out there that there truly is something for everyone. Shapewear isn't just about making you look thinner. It's about smoothing out those bumps and lumps that everyone has to make your clothes lay better. Think about that poor little Glee girl at the SAG awards. Nobody wants to see the outline of your belly button in a satin evening gown. Obviously most of us aren't going to be wearing evening gowns, satin or otherwise, but the same rules apply to belly buttons, muffin tops, love handles, and the like.
So please, people, go get thyselves some shapewear. It doesn't matter what size you are, no one wants to see your back fat.

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