My Life Monday - Accountability

I know, like everyone else in the world, that when you're trying to lose weight it is super duper important to track your food and exercise. You've got to keep a food diary and you've got to write down everything.
Every. Freakin'. Bite.
There will come a time when you think you've got it licked and you don't need to write it all down anymore. You will be wrong.
If food is your problem - and god knows it is mine - you have to take away food's power. Yes, I know I sound like Dr. Phil, but it's true and it's taken me a long time to get here so listen. You gave food all the power to make you happy or make you feel better or occupy you while you watch TV. Now you are going to give food the power to fuel your body and make yourself healthy.
I am not saying that you can't enjoy your food - far from it. Because, listen, I really really really like my food. I like to cook it, I like to read about it and write about it, and heaven knows I like to eat it. And I don't see that changing anytime soon. To think otherwise would be ridiculous and unrealistic.
However, by writing everything down I am held accountable. Not so much for what I am eating but why I am eating it.
"Oooohhhh, cookies!"
"Do I really want to eat that cookie?"
"I'm going to have to write it down if I do."
"Do I really want to look at that on my report?"
"Hmmm? Maybe I'll just wait and see if I still want that cookie in an hour."
Sometimes I do, and if it isn't going to wreck my calories for the day then I go ahead and eat the cookie. And write it down. And move on.
And sometimes I don't even want the cookie. I know. . . Mind Blown!
I've tried Weight Watchers. Didn't care for it. Too much math and pressure and math. And I've tried keeping a notebook with me and writing everything down manually. And I've tried pre-printed calorie counting journals. None of it worked .
Then The Captain got me the Kindle Fire for Christmas and I downloaded the myfitnesspal app. I am in love. This thing is so easy.

Seriously go to my fitness pal and set up your free account. It could not be easier!

I input all my food for the day (this thing has, like, all the foods and their nutritional info) and all my exercising and it calculates everything for me and gives me my own customized little daily report.  And you can get weekly and monthly reports for everything including food, exercise, and progress.
And my very most favorite thing of all is that after you have added all your info for the day you get a little graphic that says : If every day were like today you would weight X pounds in 5 weeks. Talk about a real motivator. Incredible!

My Life Monday

As many of you may (or may not) know along with writing here at Fat Girl Slim, I also write at Bit of the Bluegrass. Also I have recently returned to working on a novel I started years ago. Recently things have gotten a little hectic, shall we say?, here in our little house on the hill and I haven't been able to give as much attention to my writing as I would like to.
In November I had a bit of a health issue (nothing serious, just a little something to throw a wrench in all my plans). Right before that our refrigerator died resulting in countless visits from the repairman and hundreds of dollars into his kids' college funds all culminating in the eventual purchase of a brand new fridge. (I hate you, Kenmore!) Then there was the 14 hour road trip to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving (without The Captain). And the holidays tried to kill me. Seriously. And of course both the kids have school and practice and games and guitar lessons and gymnastics and on and on and on. . . Always keeping in mind that The Captain has his own home and away schedule that rolls around every 28 days.
All of this has added up to one very stressed out mama. (see health issue above).
But all of that is finally in the rear-view mirror. Excepting, of course, the kids and The Captains schedules. It's a New Year and I am trying out a few new get-my-ass-back-on-track tips and tricks.
There were two main areas of my life that I really wanted to try and tackle. My house and my body.
Sooooo. . .
Part One.
My house. (cue the ominous music - DUN DUN DUN)
As anyone who know me will attest, I am not a good housekeeper. It's OK, I know. I can keep things clean in the sense that the health department is not going to come and shut us down but the clutter is where I get completely shut out. I wash the clothes and get distracted forgetting to fold them. The kids leave papers all over the house and it never occurs to me to pick them up. There are shoes all over the front hall. Books get left wherever it was they were last read. And the magazines! My god, the magazines. I will confess to having a serious magazine addiction. So much so that The Captain thought it a good idea to get me a Kindle Fire for Christmas in the hopes that I could subscribe to at least a few of them digitally. Love him!
We have had various cleaning ladies who have left for a variety of reasons. No, they didn't quit because my house was so unmanageable. I don't think. And when they were here all was nirvana. I had one particularly wonderful cleaning lady who I will call Angel, because that's how I thought of her, who washed down all the blades on all my ceiling fans! Did you know you were supposed to wash those things? Hmmm?
However, I have been without a cleaning lady for the better part of a year and the state of my house has definitely reflected this. I have thought about interviewing for another, and I still may, but I really do need to do better on my own. To that end, I took a long hard look at myself. Man that hurt. I discovered that my true problem with cleaning was due to two main factors.
Number one - I never learned to clean. No, it's true. My mother is more than slightly OCD about housekeeping. Added to that my dad and my grandmother always employed housekeepers, so that having someone else pick up after me was just what seemed natural. Even after I was married with a house of my own and there was no one there to do it.
Number two - I am easily distracted. Seriously. Like a squirrel on crack. It's why I can wash the clothes but never fold them or pick up the shoes but forget the magazines. It's also why I can go help a friend with her deep cleaning project but be completely stymied by my own.
I know that I do better with everything when I have a concrete schedule to stick to. So that's what I did. Made myself a little schedule. It seems to be working after the first week. I plan on keeping with the cleaning schedule for the rest of this week and sharing with y'all the results this time next week.
That takes us to Part Two.
My body. (the music that accompanies this is more like sad little violin music)
I have been overweight my entire adult life and I am sick of it. Sick. Of. It! A few years ago I got serious and lost 40 pounds. That's when I started Fat Girl Slim. At that time I never would have dreamed that I would still be struggling this far into the future.
Another hard look at myself resulted int the discovery that I had just, flat out, gotten lazy. Yes, I had managed to keep off the first 40 pounds but I hadn't gone any further. I had gotten complacent with my workouts and worse, my eating was atrocious.
So I'm back in the gym. And I'm adding more cardio because I know that, even though I desperately HATE it, my body does so much better when I get a lot of cardio. I'm shooting for gym time 4x/week and cardio for at least 30 minutes for 6x/week. It's actually easier time-wise that I would have thought. I go to the gym right after I drop the kids at school and add the extra cardio right after that so that I am usually done with all of it by 9:30 am.
I did this all last week and did really good. I feel sooooo much better to get back into a workout routine. My back and knees feel better. I am sleeping better at night. And I just generally have more energy on days that I workout that on days that I don't.
This week I'll be working on continuing this while focusing more on my eating. The plan is to limit carbs to whole grain only, adding more water, and breaking things down to 5-6 small meals a day rather than 3 (really) big ones. Next week I'm going to focus on adding more protein. I'll let you know how it goes.
So there you have. More than you probably wanted to know about where I am right now. But guess what? I don't care because this is my blog and I can write what I wanna. And if I'm still alive next week, I'm going to share even more. So there!

A Really Big Show!

Today is my 97th post on this blog. The big 100 is right around the corner and I think that I should mark it by some really big changes to the way I share info with you. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I will say that the change is for the better. I can't wait to share all this with you. For now just hang tight.
Moving right along to the subject matter at hand - The diet/lifestyle change is finally back on track. I hate that my kids have to go back to school so early, but I'm not at all sorry to be back on schedule. I'm back in the gym 3-4 days a week, and I'm eating regular meals at regular times. Boring, yes, but undeniably good for the body.
I have to travel to the lake house again at the end of September for Dad's 50th birthday (insert big whoo-hoo here). That is exactly six weeks from now and I would like to be down 10 pounds by then. That is a totally reasonable goal. That's 1.66 pounds per week and if I can't do that after setting stagnant all summer, well then, I just need to throw in the towel.
One last thing. Part of the Big Surprise has to do with food. (what doesn't?) Anyways, if anyone has any absolutely fabulous (original - meaning yours or a friend or family members, not previously published) recipes, healthy or otherwise, that you would like to share then please do so. Just send the recipe name and origin, recipe, and your name to keila_mb@myway.com. It really is going to be awesome!

And the Winner Is. . .

Today, as evidenced by the fireworks and hotdogs, is the fourth of July. Independence Day. Here at Fat Girl Slim I have decided to be independent from dieting. In honor of that I had a give away going on in which any new or current follower would be eligible for a Independence From Dieting prize package. This includes a Dance Off the Pounds DVD, a BPA free water bottle, a pedometer, and a few other goodies all designed to help foster a healthier lifestyle and not just fad dieting.
I'm excited to say that after a totally fair drawing* the winner is a new follower, Andrea McCleese! So Andrea, congratulations and welcome to the blog, invite your friends to follow, and feel free to comment. Look for your prize to be delivered before the end of the week.

*by totally fair I mean that my brother installed some sort of randomizing software on my computer and I don't really know how it works, but I put every ones name in and push a button and - ouila! Magic! I think I will start using it to decide what to have for dinner. Kind of like 21st century magic 8 ball.

Big Changes on the Horizon

For a while now there has been a little idea rolling around in the back of my head that I need to shake things up. I've been in a blogging rut for a while and since I've been stalled out in the weight loss for roughly the same amount of time I can't say that the two are necessarily unrelated.
So I'm thinking maybe some format changes. A few new features. Maybe a new name or something. I'm still not real sure, but some thing's gotta give, if you know what I mean.
I am completely open to any suggestions or ideas. Drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking. Anything you want to see added, or maybe something you don't care so much for. Or maybe just any crazy old idea that you'd like to let me know. I'm open to just about anything. Well, except maybe fortune telling. A girl's got to keep some secrets, after all.

Pounds vs. Inches

Today was weigh-in day. I've worked really really hard for the past few weeks trying to prepare for this day. Ate all my vegis, drank all my water, did all my exercises (and then some). And for what? That scale is a bitch!
I've actually been feeling pretty good about my body lately. My waist has been way trimmer and my arms, well, lets just say you better get your tickets. Tickets? To the gun show, baby. OK, totally lame, I know. But I've done enough triceps rows and lateral lifts and weighted punches to equal rowing around the world. So shut up!
I even got into those infamous white pants on Mother's Day. I didn't just get into them - I rocked them. They weren't at all tight and they kissed my curves in all the right places.
And, Ta-Da! I had lost almost 6.5 inches (3.5 from my waist) in two months. So, I should be feeling pretty good about myself right now? And I do. But what's the rub?
I had actually GAINED almost one pound in the same time frame. Yes, I know it's just a pound, but still. I'm trying to lose not gain. And yes, I know that the way my clothes fit and how my body looks is WAAAAY more important than any number on a scale. But, Jesus F-ing Chocolate Covered Christ On A Pogo Stick!!! I've worked really hard and I want those numbers going south, damn it.
I guess that short of going on a lettuce and water diet, I'm going to have to get serious here. Maybe a three day cleanse is in order or who knows what. The next weigh in is going to be different if I can help it. I wonder how much hair weighs? I'm due for a hair cut.

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

Especially when I have stuff to do! To be fair, I usually love the rain. I love the gray skies and the sound that it makes on my window sills. I love how everything seems to be suspended when it rains. I love how everything seems somehow "greener". I imagine what it would be like to live in Ireland.
But, alas, I'm in good ol' KY and I have a ton of stuff to do before the annual  2 week slog-fest road trip with he fam. This year, like every year, we are taking the kids to the lake house in Wisconsin for the week only to turn around and come home and head out to South Carolina two days after we get back. Yes, i know how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I am a glutton for punishment. But to be honest, the Hubs and I love a road trip. And yes, taking two kids on that many miles can be a bit of a challenge. But we are all about providing them with future fodder with which to complain about us. "Think you've got it bad? My parents once made me and my brother set in the back seat. Together! For 2000 miles. In one summer!" Ahhh, good times.
So, I am looking forward to vacation, always with a wary eye. But for now things have to be done here at Bushwood. BTW, that's what my husband and I have termed our estate little house on the hill. No, we do not think we are that important, but yes, it is from Caddyshack.
Back to the point. I need to plant all my flowers and shrubs and get them well-established before my sister-in-law comes to house sit. She has promised to water said plants but makes no guarantees on the eventual outcome. I, in turn, have promised to bring her back some really good cheese from Wisconsin but make no guarantee about stinkiness of said cheese.
I also need to get my windows washed and the deck power washed. And the basement needs cleaned out and painted. None of this is being helped by this rain that has decided to settle over the Ohio River Valley for the past 5 days.
Oh, and did I mention that I have set the totally unrealistic goal of losing 15 lbs by the end of May. I know it sounds crazy, and it probably is. But I do have some logical thinking behind it. See I have been in a slump for the last two months. That's right, TWO MONTHS! I have gained and lost the same 2-4 pounds over and over again since Valentine's.  But, I think that I have finally busted through and if I can get a bit of a jump-start I could actually reach a pretty impressive number by vacation.
That is to say, if I could actually get outside and do something. Yes, I have my videos and my treadmill and my gym. But to me nothing is s substitute for a good old fashioned walk. I try to walk 3-4 miles a day 3 days a week. (Plus my regular gym workouts) and now that it's nice out I've added to that with hikes at our local State Park. Love me some hiking. It makes me feel athletic and outdoors-y.
So I guess I'll just be hitting the gym harder and riding the treadmill a little longer and watching the forecast to see when I can actually emerge from this cave. Dramatic, I know.  But you don't understand. It's actually raaaainnninng out there.

Sweets For Your Sweet (or yourself. it's nobody's damn business anyway!)

Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I know I should hate this the most Hallmark-yest of all Hallmark holidays, but, damn it, I just can't help myself. I love the little folded Valentine's cards that my kids place in their classmate's little decorated shoe boxes. And I love that my husband will give me a card and some small trinket and not expect anything in return (although I always cook him his favorite meal) because he says it's a "girly holiday". But most of all, I love those little candy hearts with the messages on them. You know - "be mine", "luv u", and even a few modern ones like, "email me". I love it.
So in the spirit of the little cupid, I thought I would share a recipe for a Valentine's Day dessert that will not leave you feeling like you swilled a whole box of Godivas.
This recipe works with any flavor cake mix or diet pop. Just don't use the kind with the pudding in the mix. You can also make this in a sheet pan, but what's the fun in that?

For Goodness Cakes

1 box chocolate cake mix
2 egg whites
1 can diet cherry Dr. Pepper
Sugar Free Cool Whip
Maraschino cherries, stems on

Pre-heat oven to 350. Prepare muffin tins with cupcake papers for 24 cupcakes.
Mix together first 3 ingredients. Spoon evenly into muffin cups. About 2/3 full.
Bake until toothpick test comes out clear. Usually about 17-20 minutes.
Let cool. Remove from tins to tray.
"Frost" each one with Cool Whip and place one cherry on top of each.
Cover any uneaten cakes and put on top rack of refrigerator.

I'm not sure of the nutritional info on these because of differences in cake mix brands, but I do know that each cupcake is generally considered to be 3 Weight Watchers point.

Why It's OK to Bend So You Don't Break

I did it. I held out for as long as I could. But I just couldn't stay arrow straight anymore. Anyone who has read my blog for more than, say, a minute knows that I have a serious sweet tooth. Like crack addict with some serious DTs sweet tooth. And for about the past two weeks I've had some serious cravings.
At first I thought it was just some PMS hormonal thing and I fed it with 90 calorie granola bars. Good but not great. TOM (time of month) came and went and I had eaten and worked off a whole box of granola bars along with a couple of scoops of fat free sugar free ice cream. Which by the way is not quite tate free, but it's close. And I broke down and had a weight watchers snack cake which was like a semi-chocolate flavored air puff. Nasty.
So today when I was setting here trying to decide what I could smear on a whole wheat tortilla that would be sweet and still not break the bank, so to speak. That's when it hit me. I could either eat my weight in substitutes or I could just break down and feed my body what it had been craving. So I went against everything I have worked so hard for and made a batch of no-bake cookies.
It hit the spot.
Oh, how it hit the spot. I forced myself not to sample while I was making them. I wanted to savor and enjoy them. They finally were ready and I set down with two of them and a big ol' glass of almond milk, which I have come ot like more than the moo kind, and Oprah.
And you know what? I didn't feel a bit guilty. Strange? I don't think so. See, I felt way guiltier eating all those chemically processed nothing foods than I did eating these two little full fat, full sugar treats. And believe it or not, I was completely satified after I was done. Nothing was triggered. Crazy!
So, I'm done with the substitutes. If I want something, I'm gonna have it. Just a bit. And that will, hopefully, make all the difference.
So there you go, blogosphere. I'm fat as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

2009 Year In Review

There it goes. Another year in the books. And turns out my grannie really was right. I really shouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up, time does indeed go faster. I thought that since this was my first whole year in my weight loss hell journey, it might be beneficial to go over my progress. Kind of a performance review, if you will. I don't really have one of those nine-to-fives so I'm not real up to date on the proper procedure for such a thing. But here goes.
On the up-side I've lost 30+ pounds in 2009. Not exactly setting the world on fire, I know, but still respectable and definately more than I've ever been able to lose before. And more importantly I've managed to more or less keep it off.
I'm proud of the fact that I have lost this weight with good old fashioned diet and exercise. And when I say diet, I don't mean any kind of gimmick. For me it has been more of a change in eating habits all together. It took  a while but I seem to have finally found a way to eat in a healthy way that allows me to still eat my favorite foods (within reason) and lose weight. My exercise hasn't been to shabby either. I work out at Curves at least 3 times a week. (I have recently settled on a Mon., Tue., Thur., Fri. schedule). I like the workout Curves gives me because it combines strength training with cardio in an efficiant 30 min. workout that is designed just for women. I also try to get in 30 extra minutes of cardio every day. Some days I'm more successful than others, but I'm trying. I also love DVDs. My favorite is Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds. I have used this DVD on many a snow day when I couldn't get to the gym.
Something else I'm extremely proud of the fact that -due to said workouts- my arms kind of rock. Yes there's still a little jiggle in the hated bingo-wing area, but there is FINALLY definition. Did you here me, world? I am way over half-way there to sexy arms. Do you have your tickets to the gun show?
And another unexpected, but just as delightful benefit has been that due to my improved eating habits (read: more fruits and vegis, less sugar and fat and white flour. plus a good multi and fish oil caplets) my skin has never been clearer. I mean, I know that we are what we eat and all that, but had I known how dramatically my new lifestyle would effect my appearance, and not just my waist line, I would have gone with it MUCH sooner. Yes, I really am that vain. I mean, I am the girl that never smoked, not so much out of health concerns, but because it causes premature wrinkling and stinky hair. Seriously.
And now for the bad stuff. Yes, I know. But even I couldn't toot my own horn for very long.
The worst is that there have been plenty of times this past year when I could have done better. Not vacations or holidays or anything like that, just everyday old slacking off times that I totally could have done better. Yes, I know setbacks happen and when there is a perfectly good reason for a setback I can accept it a little better. But what I'm talking about is times when I just simply did not do my best. And that pisses me off. It is, as my dad would say, NOT ACCEPTABLE!
And speaking of setbacks, there have been a few.
Summer vaction didn't exactly get me down, but a 3,200 mile, 44 total driving hours, road trip to the great NorthWoods didn't exactly do me any good. For the first thing, I was away from home for 2 1/2 weeks. Away from the gym. Eating out. On the road. Get it? But on the other hand, I managed to squeeze in a decent amount of physical exercise like hiking, walking, and canoeing.
Also this was the year that my husband "Rocked the Stadium of my Heart." (lame, I know, but too cheesy to pass up) We went to the Kentucky State Fair (read: corn dogs and beer) to see Heart and Journey. Awesome show and not too bad as far as food consumption went. I mean, we were at the actual fair for less than 4 hours. Then there was my 30th birthday trip to Oklahoma to see The Black Eyed Peas and U2. That's right, baby, U2!!! Yes the show was AMAZING!!! Thank you, thank you to my wonderful husband for the best birthday gift ever. My ass, however wasn't quite so thankful for the Oklahoma beef steaks and ribs and, well, you get the idea. Not to mention the little French pattisserie located next to our hotel. I know, right,  authentic French pastries in Oklahoma City! I was surprised too.
Then there was the holidays. Cue the ominous theater music here. Technically it wasn't the actuall holidays that did me in. I cruised through Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and even amanaged to lose a couple of pounds that week. Then there was Christmas. Cookies and fudge and parties and girls night and family get togethers with three different families and ham and biscuits and bread pudding and egg nog. And through all of that I didn't gain a single pound. True, I definately didn't lose any either, but I didn't gain any. Not one. Shew, what a sigh of relief. Whoa there, not so fast, girl! It happened during the week between Christmas and New Years. I gained 4 lbs. What the hell? Did PMS come early this week, I wondered? Not so much. Nothing more complicated than me letting my guard down. The left-overs got me. Did I mention how much that pisses me off.
So now it's a week later and I've almost lost the holiday weight. Only one more pound to go. The snow is piling up outside right now, but none of it can get me down. If I'm stuck at home, I'll just break out my DVDs and, Oh yeah, Wii Fit. Love that stuff.
I guess I haven't done all that I could have done in the past year, but I think that I have lost a realistic amount of weight living a realistic lifestyle. I mean, sure if I wanted to go all Biggest Loser and eat 1600 calories a day while burning off 6000, then yeah I could totally have lost more weight. I'm confident thought that the weight I have lost will stay off. I know this because of my daily weigh in. Yeah I know what they say. It'll drive you crazy. But I have found it very helpful. I have been able to monitor what works and doesn't work from day to day and I'm able to quickly shave off any extra LBs before it gets out of control. I would like to eventually get to a point when I reach my goal weight where I can weigh myself once a week, but for now I'm OK with being a little OCD.
So, 2009, goodbye. You've been a good one. We had our ups and downs but all in all I can't say too much bad about ya'. And, 2010, how you doin'?

New Years Gifts

So it's that time of the year again. That magical time when all of us full-figured gals of the world unite in our self-loathing and think (vainly) that maybe this year, this time I'll actually stick with it. I'll actually lose the weight. Well, you wanna know something? It almost never works. And you wanna know why? Because we set our selves up to fail. We create these totally un-reachable goals. Like, I'm going to lose 50lbs this year. Or, I'm going to work out everyday. Or, my favorite, I'm going to eat better this year. What does that even mean?
Now, I'm not saying these goals are impossible. Not at all. It's just that they are unlikely. I knew all this. And yet I still made New Years Resolutions every freakin' year. Why? I don't know. Why do all the other little lemmings follow that one little suicidal lemming off the cliff? No one knows, they just do.
Until now.
I read a totally awesome post from one of favorite bloggers, Cranky Fitness - a weight loss blog if ever there was one, that seemed to make a lot of sense. The post said that it really all a matter of semantics. Seriously!
Instead of makinf resolutions we should all be giving gifts to ourselves. Well, I'm liking it already. You know I love a gift. Can we register somewhere.
Well, turns out it doesn't work that way. See instead of making these crazy resolutions that are usually given up on by at least Valentines Day, we are going to start making gifts to ourselves for weight loss or health or organization or any old thing. It actually makes a lot of sense. And I have used this tactic in my own life with out even knowing it. Like when I tell myself that by having yougurt for breakfast instead of that doughnut I am going to have more energy and no headaches for the day.
So this year I have a few New Years gifts to myself.
#1 I will give myself the gift of more exersise time and I will do it in unconventional ways. Such as dance-offs with the kids and snoe-shoeing at the lake house.
#2 I will give myself the gift of more vegetables by trying one new vegi a week. I am a notorious vegi-hater and try to get in my servings by huge salads every day, but come on. Even rabbits get sick of lettuce after a while. So I am going to try some of those weirdo vegis at the Whole Foods produce section. Maybe I'll find a few new favorites.
#3 I'm going to devote more time to my blog and give myself the gift of more promotion. When I first started it was purely for my own entertainement, but now I'm thinking I'm gonna go outside the box, so to speak.
#4 I'm going to give myself the gift of (and this is the one I'm most excited about) a cleaning lady. I am a bad housekeeper, not just don't like it bad, but really really bad. I used to be ashamed, but not anymore. I figure those who can't cook eat out. So I am not going to sweat it anymore. It will give me more time for my kids and cooking healthy meals.
#5 I'm going to give myself the gift of more time with my kids. Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom, but with my husband working away I often have to be two people at once. So with everything else I have going on (see #4) I often don't have time for a lot of the extras that my kids want to do. So thanks to the new cleaning lady I see a lot more park time and Wii Winter Olympics in my future. Bring it on!
So there it is. Hopefuly this time next year I will not be so worried aboout my weight and I will be able to say that my New Years gift giving was a success. Happy New Years and remember to gift the most important person in your life. You!

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Sweatpants. . .

Ahhh, the holidays! The wide-eyed sugar plum bliss of every child. Remember when you used to count down the days until Winter Break with big red Xs over the days on your calender? Oh, the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to find that Santa had brought just what you asked for and wrapped it so neatly, too. And all your family came over and there was delicious food and delightful sweets practically flowing like water out of every corner of your house.
Well, yeah, of course we all remember it that way. We were kids. But I bet our mothers don't exactly remember it that way. In fact, now, that I'm a mother I'm amazed that we ever made it through any holiday much less the Queen Mother of all Holidays. That family fueled, cookie fed holiday known in my family as "Oh, crap! It's Christmas!"
Not being a particularly religious family we have always taken a pretty secular view of Christmas and that was certainly stressful enough. I always envied the Christian kids who would say things like, "It's not about the commercialism." and, "Jesus is the reason for the season." To me it just seemed like an easy way of saying, "my mom was too lazy to put up a tree this year." Now, don't get me wrong, I would never make fun of anyone for their beliefs, but not put up a tree? Come on.
In my family Christmas has turned into this crazy unspoken competition (for lack of a better word) where every one (women at least) try to outdo the other women in the family for who can produce the most Rockwellian Christmas.
My one grandmother whose birthday happened to be on Christmas was the cookie master. I have tried for years to master her "simple" butter cookie to no avail. My other grandmother is the decorating diva. She puts up a tree that while small can easily rival any florist's for it glittery coordination of color and theme. My mom, well, mom kind of dropped the ball on the holidays. She loves the flash and the glitter and her house always reminds me of Vegas at Christmas. But me, I feel the mantle of Christmas Greatness heavily upon my shoulders.
I have in my house no less than 5 trees, all themed and decorated with a precision of a military maneuver. My fireplace mantle and banister all drip with greenery and my front door is festooned and welcoming. I always make sure to have sweet treats ready for all our drop-by visitors and in years past I have convinced myself that calories consumed while tasting are not really calories at all.
This year, I know better. More's the pity, because this year is the year of my personal epiphany. I have discovered that all this self induced stress of the holidays has caused me to lose sight of my weight loss goals. Luckily I have caught myself before the lbs. started to creep back up, but still. All that means is that I will still be busy wrapping the perfect present and baking the perfect cookie all while trying to satisfy my stress-induced sweet tooth with a fat free mocha latte.
Whatever, it will all be worth it when my house looks awesome and my cousins all run out to try and out-do my decorations next year. But what they don't know is that next year, I won't care. I will be smokin' hot in Belize. Feliz Navidad!

The Perils of Gambling

I don't know exactly what I was thinking. My luck has never been what anyone would call good, especially when it comes to predicted outcomes. So why I thought it would be a good idea to go to Keenland Racetrack last weekend to play the ponies with my best girl friends - I don't know.
Now before I go any further let me state, without a doubt, that we had a really great day. The weather not only held, but actually turned out to be pretty darn good. We all looked smokin' hot, if I do say so myself. And, more importantly, we had escaped our everyday lives, if only for a day, to celebrate the impending end to one of our good friend's bachelorette days.
The trouble started at the first race. Being a native Kentuckian, I am somewhat familiar with the horse racing industry. I know what the odds are, what exactly a furlong is, the difference between fillies and mares, and I even half-assedly follow a couple of different jockeys. And I could even tell you what it means to win, place, or show and what it means when they list super-fecta, tri-fecta, and exacta winnings. So you would think that I could look at a betting sheet and over the course of 10 races at least manage to come out even, give or take a few bucks. You would be wrong.
Every horse I picked came in dead last. Seriously. One race I picked two different horses, thinking to increase my odds. They came in last and next to last.
The first race I bet $5 on Call It The Blues to win place or show. Led the race for almost a mile then dropped to dead last like he was doing it on purpose. Race 2, I bet on Hot Little Mama because, I mean come on. The name says it all. Repeat of last race. At this point I have lost a small amount of money, but I'm not worried. It's only the third race. My luck's bound to pick up, right? So I bet on Sweet Lemon Chello. This time, she doesn't even make a showing. Starts last and ends last. All right, this is about enough. So I decide to set out race four and just reset my luck a little. I just set back, watching all my friends rake it in. WTF? But, I don't begrudge them any of it ( really, I don't) I just want a little bit of the taste of victory for myself.
So next up comes race 5. Here's where I start to employ a little strategy - so to speak. I look at the odds and carefully choose two horses who appear not to suck too much. Everybody knows that you never bet on a favorite, even if they win, the odds were so good that you almost never win any money. So I put down another $5 on an Irish horse with decent 8-1 odds, that should pay out pretty decent and $5 on a 20-1 horse that had bad odds, true, but was being ridden by a jockey with a better than average track record. This was the infamous last, next to last finish. Meanwhile, my friend (The Bride, BTW) bets $20 on Lucky #7 because, get this, she left her program laying open on the bench while she went to the powder room and a bird came along and, shall we say -picked, it for her. She won. The odds for that particular horse were 5-2, so she didn't win whole lot, but still. I mean, really. People who find bird poop on their programs are now considered to be luckier than me?
At this point I did what any sane Kentuckian would do. I started drinking. Piss on them ponies. If I'm going to throw my money away, I ought to at least enjoy it, right? So I proceed to the Equestrian Bar, a Keenland tradition, where I proceed to consume no less than six (yes - really) Bourbon Manhattans. Say what you will about Kentucky, but the liquor sure is fine and in Lexington my drink was done up right. A whole lot of Bourbon (Woodford Reserve, for those keeping score) and very little Manhattan (sweet vermouth).
The next five races were enjoyable if unprofitable and all in all I had one of the best days out with the girls that we've managed to have in a while.
The moral of this story is this. Don't gamble unless your prepared to lose. And don't prepare to lose with out preparing to drink.

p.s. I didn't totally blow my diet. I had no lunch and I walked off my drink with a nearly mile and a half walk tot he car, followed by a 30 minute drive to the restaurant where I had grilled salmon and broccoli and vast quantities of water. Not the best day nutritionally but, hey. Life happens, you know?

Phase Two and Other Life Altering Realizations

This week, I'm on Phase Two of the Curves Weight Management Plan. This consists of (like Phase One) at least three days in the gym, plus an aerobic workout every day. Also instead of starving on 1200 calories a day, I can feast on a relatively bountiful 1500. Whoo Hoo. Who would have thought that 1500 calories a day would sound like such a cornucopia?
Of course, it's only 300 extra calories a day, but hell. I've been able to add in a few whole grains and even the occasional small baked sweet potato - luxury of luxuries! I love them suckers with a bit of spray butter and cinnamon. Mmmm!
Perversely though, my daily workouts have become a bit harder. Not a lot, but when you track your progress on a daily basis - it shows up. I don't know if this is just a natural week two progression or just some freak that will work itself out next week.
Whatever, I've felt better and had more energy this week than I'd had in a while. I've even gotten more done around the house. Almost like I had been neglecting not just my body, but every aspect of my life as well. Even my daughter commented that I seemed like I was in such a good mood this week. Funny thing is, I hadn't noticed until she said something.
Bless that child. Her and her brother are - if not my whole life - at least the most important part of my life. And I thank them because if not for them, I maybe wouldn't have the motivation to get healthier. I want to be here for them. And not just physically. I know this is incredibly shallow but I don't want to embarrass them. I don't want my kids to have "the FAT mom".
One of these days when my daughter is a doctor and my son is an NFL O-Lineman, I want them to be able to say that their mom inspired them to take care of their bodies and stay healthy. What a compliment that would be.
Besides when I get my own Campbell's Chunky Soup commercial - I want to look good!

My Aha Moment

The other day I had an epiphany of sorts. I'm a little ashamed to say that I have been working towards losing weight (seriously this time) for almost a year and I just now had my aha moment.
I was sitting around wondering why in the world that it took my almost 10 years of being overweight to actually do something about it. Sure I had tried in the past, but I had always failed and I couldn't figure out why. Why could I never lose weight? When I was younger my weight was hardly ever an issue. If I was up 10 lbs, well then, I would just cut out pop and desserts and that 10 lbs would come right off. So why couldn't I do the same thing now?
It occurred to me that I had never been afraid of my weight - and here's the kicker - because I had never failed at losing weight. Suddenly I was 20 yrs. old with new baby and a new body. Somehow it had escaped my notice that after the baby was born all of that weight that I had gained while I was "eating for two" would not just magically fall away. Yes, I was 20; but while all my friends were worrying about mid-term exams and college parties and the like; I had a mom body and worse - no time to do anything about it.
So I over the course of the next few years I went on every fad diet known to man. I've listed them all before so I don't feel like I need to relive that embarrassment again. And time after time - I failed. I failed and I failed and I failed. Until finally it hit me. I cannot keep doing this to my body. I needed to get myself healthy and happy. So I just took the bull by the horns. I joined a gym, I've been watching what I'm eating and the results have been positive. So far I've lost almost 35 lbs. Yes, it's slow, but it took me 10 yrs. to gain the weight so to lose the weight for good I expected it to take a while. After all, I had tried fast, right?
But I still couldn't figure out why this time, it seemed to be working. Sure, I'm determined not to be 30 and overweight. But there had been times in the past where I had wanted to lose weight for this that and the other. Then one day, there it was, out of no where. I suddenly wasn't afraid to fail. I just simply was not. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because I have failed so much in the past. What's one more failure, right? I mean I've been there. I've failed (many times) and nothing horrible happened. My husband didn't leave me, my kids didn't love me any less, no one died because of it, nothing.
The only difference is that now when I have small failures I don't indulge them. Previously if I had one bad day I would just throw up my hands with the whole thing. Fuck it. What's the point?
Not now. Now if I have a bad day I just say 'that's OK. It's one day. I'll just do better tomorrow" and that's what I do. I can't believe how simple that is and how much time I wasted beating myself up. I mean, I could have lost this weight years ago if I had just used my brain a little more and my mouth a little less. What was I thinking during all those 'diets'?
Well, fuck it! I'm done beating myself up today. I will just have to do better tomorrow.

These Are a Few (more) of My Favorite Things.

* Benefiber Cherry Pomegranate drink mix. Tastes like cherry Kool Aid from back in the day.

* BirdsEye Steam Fresh frozen vegetables. They steam right inside their bag in my microwave and are refreshingly tasty now that my summer vegetable harvest has all but slowed to a trickle.

* My Basset Hound Tater. He hates exercise as much as I do. He will run and play in the yard, but strap a leash on him and man-o. Not a fan of the structured exercise.

* Hard boiled eggs. A dish of these in the fridge are the ultimate convenience food. An egg and a banana = the perfect in a hurry breakfast.

* Neutrogena Foaming Blackhead Removing Face Wash. I know, not technically diet related. But anyone who has exercised knows that you sweat. A lot. I have been washing my face with this product after every workout for a little over a week now and it has drastically reduced the blackheads and breakouts on my nose and forehead.

* Ultimate Fake-Out Cupcakes. 1 box Pillsbury Reduced Sugar Cake Mix (any flavor), 1 egg white, and 1 can diet soda (any flavor) Mix all and bake at 350 until done. They are (depending on flavor) a tiny bit over 100 calories per cupcake. For an extra few calories you can add a dollop of fat free Cool Whip on top. My favorite is Chocolate w/ diet Root Beer and White or Yellow with diet Sprite.

Phase 1

I don't know if anybody does Curves, much less the weight management program that they offer. But, I am currently in love with it. Curves, as you probably know, is a women's only gym that works you out by a combo of circuit training and aerobic activity. I didn't know if I would like it at first because, you know, women are bitches. However, after attending for almost a year now I must say the bitches are few and far between. For the most part every one is super supportive. Even the ladies who have already achieved their goal weight are awesome. It's nice to see someone who started out where you are succeed. Or maybe I just am at a place in my life where I'm willing to accept change in myself. Wow - pretty profound, right?
Anyways, Curves offers a weight management class that literally kicks ass. It consists of three phases, all of which are totally doable. (for the record, I did this program last year and lost a butt load of weight. Don't ask me why I didn't stay on it. I don't know)
The first phase, strangely enough named Phase One, is where I'm at right now and it is by far the hardest part of the whole diet. Luckily it only lasts for one week. I figure I can pretty much put up with anything for one week. Well, except for vacations with the in-laws. And country music. And maybe if they ran out of Vitamin Water 10. Oh, and I absolutely can't stand when it's a full moon and your dog acts all crazy. OK, so maybe there's not much I could put up with for a week, but this I can.
It consists of eating 1200 calories a day. I know, not a lot. But like I said, it's only a week. The idea is that this calorie reduction jump starts your metabolism and kind of kicks it into over drive. You also have to workout at least three times a week. Usually I shoot for 4-5 plus walking most days, so 3 days a week is not a problem. Curves says that it is normal to lose 5-7 lbs. on Phase One.
However, don't get all giddy. While it is, of course, awesome to lose that amount of weight in one week - it is not sustainable. Nor is it smart. After the first week you absolutely must go off of Phase One. You cannot maintain a 1200 calorie/ day regiment with any hope of lasting success. Your body will simply go into starvation mode and will actually hold onto the weight. Of course, if you keep up 1200 cals / day for very long you will probably lose weight. However, the likelihood of that weight creeping back on - or in my case, crashing back on like a wave on the beach - is extremely high.
After Phase One week, comes logically Phase Two. There will be more on this next week. Suffice it to say that you are allowed 1500 calories a day. This is still a reduced number sufficient to weight loss, but you are also not starving yourself. A definite plus, in my opinion. Not a big fan of starving, me.
I started on Monday so I'm almost halfway through. I'm a bit hungry when I go to bed tonight, but nothing unbearable. I've not had quite enough energy, but so far it hasn't interfered with my day to day activities. I can totally see how it would, though, if you kept it up for any amount of time. And the most prevalent side effect I can say for Phase One? The Bitchys. Like I said, women, you know? Take away my carbs and look out! Not that this diet is by any way carb free - they strongly encourage whole grains - but on 1200 calories, it's a little hard to get a lot of carbs. If it's a choice of having a huge-ass salad (btw that's a technical diet term - huge-ass salad) or a bagel. Well, I'm in favor of anything that has huge ass in the title.
I have even come to love my own huge ass. Sure I want to lose weight, but I want to keep the booty. If I could just lose the tummy and the thighs, I would rock this ass all over the state. Beyonce who? I wonder if Beyonce has ever even heard of Phase One? I doubt it, but I'm sure that any woman must be in favor of a smart healthy way to lose weight and keep it off. Because believe me, I am not working this damn hard just to gain all the weight back.

Back in the Saddle Again

OK. I don't know if it was the goals, the tight jeans, or just the simple disgust at myself; but I am officially back in the groove. I'm almost afraid to proclaim it here, but it has been a long time coming and, damn it, I'm kind of proud of myself.
As we know, I have, um . . . slacked off . . . all this summer and paid the dreadful price. I was on target of losing about 1 -2 pounds a week. Not so much this summer. Since the last day of my kids school I have not only NOT lost anything, but may have actually managed to gain a few pounds (depending on what day of the month I weight - if you know what I mean).
So last week I put my foot down with a virtual, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!" I recognized what my problems were this summer, (too much summer time indulgence and not enough gym time) and laid down what I planned to do about it. (more gym time, super-low calorie 1 week jump start followed by a reasonable 1600 calorie/day 'diet') And one week later . . . drum roll, please . . . It has started to work.
Today at the gym, for the third day in a row, I kicked ass. I had all the energy in the world and really turned that into a crazy good workout. And two days ago I actually made it into the green zone (a Curves term) on every machine - a result I haven't achieved since May.
Yes, I'm tooting my own horn a bit here. But maybe that's been the problem this summer. Too much time making excuses for my laziness and not enough time spent looking at the reasons why I actually deserve to succeed.
So simple, right? I deserve to succeed. I do. It's not so much that I ever thought I didn't deserve it. Just that I had never taken to time to recognize that I did. But it's true. My kids are not going to be any less well fed or dressed or loved because I take the time to take care of myself. My husband isn't going to feel any more neglected because I go to the gym. If anything the kids are thrilled because I have more energy to play out in the yard with them. They haven't been so thrilled with the salads at every dinner, but then neither am I. And my hubby certainly hasn't complained when I haven't fallen instantly asleep when my head hits the pillow every night.
The only thing I have a real gripe about is that I hate how much time I wasted. I had heard for years in every woman's magazine out there that when you take the time to take care of yourself you will really see results. And I had never paid it much attention. Why??? Who knows. It's so cliche but it's true. I have more energy now than I ever have and my moods have held pretty stable, which is a huge plus here in Mama's house.
The verdict? Like the old hair color ads, I'm worth it. The only question now is, how far will I take it? I certainly doubt that I will ever make it to Playboy model status. But I think MILF status is not out of the question.

September Goals

1. Workout 4 times a week at Curves

2. Walk at least 4 miles/week. (I know, not a lot. But cut me a break, I haven't walked all summer)

3. Be super vigilant about my food diary. I do so much better with one, why did I ever quit?

4. Do more non-workout workouts. ie: I will not ask my husband to dig the hole for the new trees I'm planting. Yard work counts for something, right? And it's much more satisfying than walking in a circle for an hour.

5. Have me-time every night after the kids are in the bed. Even if the laundry needs folding or the dog needs a bath. 1/2 hour won't kill me.

6. Finally get the playroom organized and the basement finished. Technically not diet/workout related. But the stress of it all is really bringin' me down, man.

7. Be down one pants size by the end of the month.

So here's to hope. None of these goals are unattainable, which is where i have messed up in the past. What made me think I could lose 40lbs in a month by eating grapefruit and cabbage soup? Gag. I will let you know at the end of the month how it goes. Keep hoping!

The Wagon Drove On . . .

I didn't just fall off the wagon. I did a total belly flop and lay there breathless as the wagon rolled on without me. In fact nobody even noticed I was gone. I don't think they cared.
The month of August hasn't exactly been the easiest for me or my diet. I am not really sure what the deal is - other than the fact that I lost all will power. I thought that perhaps things would be a bit easier, what with the kids going back to school and all, but evidently not so much.
There has been much stacked against me. The State Fair and their corn dog sabotage, a friend's pig-roast with a table full of Good Ol' Southern Deserts, and a Cincinnati Reds baseball game that I enjoyed in the Luxury Box courtesy of Sara Lee Foods. I'm not trying to make excuses but more offering an explanation of what happened. No - what I let happen.
I did not have to eat the corn dog - but I did. I did not have to eat all the deserts and drink all the beer - but I did. And I certainly didn't have to eat the mammoth bratwurst on kaiser roll and super awesome guacamole dip - but I did. And to add insult to injury, I have not used my workout time to full advantage. I strained my back a few days ago putting in a stone retaining wall in my landscape. So I had to miss a couple days of my circuit training. I could have used that time to get out and enjoy some of the beautiful weather we have been having lately and taken a few nice long walks. But did I? I think you know the answer to that by now.
Now it is time to pay the piper - so to speak. I have gained a total of 3 lbs. I am not sure that this is a completely accurate figure because I am experiencing what my grandmother whisperingly refers to as "my monthly visitor". But the point is that I sure as hell haven't lost any weight this month - which sucks. Big time.
So I have wallowed in self pity for too long already. It is time to do something and not just set back and say that I have to do better. What I need is a plan.
A new weight management class starts at my gym on 9/10. I will definitely be participating in that. I am going to enjoy myself responsibly this holiday weekend. Then starting Tuesday I am going to start a 1 week diet jump start. (More on this in a couple of days.) I will go to the gym 4 days a week and walk 2+ miles 3 days a week. I will give up all pop (even diet). And I will strive for 5 servings per day of fruits and vegetables.
Hopefully in two weeks I should be completely back on track. I know it's a marathon and not a sprint. But I'm hoping that this little boost will at least give me enough energy to catch back up to the wagon.