My Life Monday - Foot Scan

So when I went in to my friendly neighborhood Curves this morning I noticed something a bit different going on. A local chiropractor was offering free health screenings on balance and posture. Well, this should be interesting, I thought.
I am quite possibly the least balanced person I know. I can fall dead-down to the floor while standing perfectly still. Not to mention the damage I can do to myself when I'm just walking along.
I filled out the little questionnaire. Back pain? Check. Neck pain? Check. Headaches? Occasional Check. Trouble sleeping? Check. Foot pain? Double Check! I figured the lady was going to take one look at my health history and politely point me in another direction. Or maybe that was dollar signs I saw in her eyes. She was probably calculating just how many of her children she would be able to send to Harvard based on my office visits alone.
She had a fascinating little machine that looked like something from the holo-deck of the S.S.Enterprise. I stepped on it and through a little window it literally scans your feet and the pressure you exert as you stand. I felt like a can of peas at the grocery store.

Just a sample. Not my actual scan. My left showed a lot more red and my right only had pressure in the heal and on the ball. Weired, huh?

It was, however, pretty dang interesting. I learned that I place a lot of pressure on my left foot. Not surprising since I've broken the right one like a hundred times. (Really only 4 - but oh, my god, have you ever broken your foot? OUCH!) As a consequence my spine and therefore balance are severely out of alignment. Add in my not-at-all-attractive ginormous boobs and you can see how the back and neck pain can come into play.
So I will be going to the chiropractor on Wednesday. I'm not sure at all how I feel about having someone crack on my spine, but I am very interested in the custom orthotic inserts for my shoes that could help correct the balance problem. We'll see what the good doctor says before I actually agree to a treatment plan. But I will definitely let you guys know.
Now I'm tired and I'm going to put my feet up.

Tae-Bo Newbie

See how happy everybody is to be doing Tae-Bo?
I don't look like that.

Anybody out there done Tae-Bo recently? Did you survive? Barely?
Yeah, I understand.
I went into my Curve's gym this morning expecting an unassuming yet thorough workout. Boy was I wrong.  Evidently since we are involved in a club-wide Biggest Loser challenge our owner/trainer thought it was a good idea to do a little . . . extra.
I'll say!
Now, I will be the first to admit that I have been in serious need of a little kick in the pants. My exercise has been OK, and my eating has been horrible. So perhaps I had this coming.
But, Oh. My. God. Hardest workout ever. It seriously kicked my ass.
I just got home and I'm in serious need of a shower. I'm dreading it though because I know I'm going to have to lift my arms over my head to peel my sweaty shirt off.
We shall see how this goes. If I don't drop dead, I'll let you know how it goes.

Fat Tuesday

It seems that in the spirit of my Biggest Loser themed weight loss re-boot, I have chosen Tuesdays to be my weigh-in/evaluation day. After week 1 I have a lot to report.

Since I believe in sharing bad news first I will willingly disclose that I have not lost any weight. Nope. Not one ounce. Why am I not suicidal, you ask? Well, for one, I didn't gain anything either. And after the sugar fest that was my Holiday Season no gain is a good thing. I can live with no weight loss for now because even though the scale is not going down, I am moving forward.
I have added a few new tools to my repertoire. If you've read for any amount of time you know that I'm all about my Curve's workout. I love the circuit training and the aerobic/strength training intervals. Plus, as evidenced by the p

icture over there, I'm a freak for my hula hoop. 5 pound hula hoop to be exact. I've done all kinds of exercises over the years and nothing, NOTHING!, has strengthened my core like the weighted hula hoop.
But even with all those amazing workout options I was stuck in a bit of a rut. What to do, what to do? Watching the season premier of Biggest Loser last week gave me my first inspiration. Kettle Bells! I liked the fact that they come in all different weights; and while I've used a variety of free weights for a while now, I like that they offer a bit more of a challenge. My kettle bell from Danskin came with a DVD (which is OK) and a sheet with a set of 6 moves (which I love) It also helped that this months issue of Shape magazine featured Jillian Michaels herself's favorite kettle bell moves. I really really like the k

ettle bell for my arms. The triceps have never looked better.
Next I added in yoga. I had done a bit of informal yoga off and on for years but nothing major. I wasn't what you'd call "into it". Consider me converted. My gym has added a twice a week yoga class and so far I'm loving it! Turns out I'm not as flexable as I thought I was, but I can already tell a difference. My back and my hamstrings have already loosened up and my downward facing dog is starting to look more like a utilitarian hunting do and less like a lumbering mastiff. I'm shooting for greyhound, but that may take a while.
So now I had taken care of the mind and the body, but my eating still wasn't quite what it needed to be. And you all know how I feel about diets. . . I just needed something to get me back on track and help to remind me to make better choices. It has never really been what I eat so much as it has been how I ate it. I tend to go off track on sweets and portion control. I needed something that would let me include all my favorites (including sweets) as long as I kept track and stayed within reason. I had done Weig

ht Watchers before and had some success - in fact I have kept off every pound I lost the first time I did Weight Watchers - so I thought, why not? I signed up for 3 months of Weight Watchers Online. I just started on Sunday and so far I have found it really easy to keep track of what I'm eating and where I'm having a bit of trouble. Hopefully I will have an even better report for you next week.
They are calling for snow for the rest of the week though, so I make now promises. I still manage to get in a decent workout between my WiiFit, Wii boxing, kettle bell, and at-home yoga. But no school means no gym time for Momma. I think that I really do better with the structured schedule of a gym. What about you? Are you disciplined enough to get a full workout at home or do yo need the external structure of the gym? What is your favorite at-home workout when you're stuck at home?

The Bitch is Back

It certainly has been a long time. Have you missed me? Of course you have. Who wouldn't miss this wit and sparkling charm? Turns out the break from journal keeping (aka blogging about my weight loss - or lack thereof as the case may be) has left my waist line a little. . . shall we say unmotivated.
Then along comes New Years. That ubiquitous fresh start. The undeniably futile resolution making. I myself have resisted New Years Resolutions in the past just for the simple fact that I don't like the feeling of self disappointment that inevitably follows. But seeing as that has worked out so well for me in the past (NOT) I thought, "What the hell!"
Now, just to be clear we are not calling anything a "Resolution". That would imply that I have some sort of resolve which to me sounds like you've had to drag yourself to doing something. I'm thinking more like a New Year's Reboot.
Yes, when I first started this journey I lost almost 40 pounds relatively easily. Yay, me! But somewhere along the way I hit a plateau and never seemed to get off. I had previously made a goal to lose another 50 pounds. Half of which I have already lost (included in the aforementioned 40 pounds) Again, yay me! So that leaves 25 more to go.
And since I have already turned the Resolution on it's ear I thought, 'Why not make it an even 30?'
I am going to Reboot my eating and exercise plans to lose 30 pounds. I am using, like about a zillion other people, NBC's Biggest Loser as a motivation and time frame. Every season I am inspired by the people who lose massive amounts of weight with what amounts to no more than diet and exercise. Yes, they lose like 10 - 20 pounds a week. An unreasonable amount for us mere mortals. They have the benefit of living on a world class fitness ranch with unbelievable trainers, nutritionists, doctors, and maybe most importantly - no kid's chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese.
My Reboot will include 4 days of Curve's gym workouts plus 5 days of at home cardio. I've gotten myself my very own kettlebell (8 pounds) and the new Gold's Gym Cardio boxing game for the Wii and I'm actually looking forward to my extra workouts for the first time in a long time.
As far as eating goes, that is also turning out to be surprisingly easier than I imagined. After this Holiday Season I am just about as sick as sweets as any human could be. I don't think I could even think about eating another piece of cake or pie or candy even with my seemingly unsatisfiable sweet tooth. Yes, I know that won't last and probably before they even roll out the Valentine's candy I'll be raiding the pantry looking for a rogue tootsie roll. I'm going to make sure I have healthy alternatives like fruit, angle food cake, and maybe even the occasional mini York Peppermint Patty. I will also be including more vegis, which unfortunately have been sadly lacking in my diet for the past few weeks.
I've worked in a few rewards along the way like new workout clothes, trips to Sephora and so on. And the biggie, If I can manage to lose 30 pounds by the end of this season of Biggest Loser I can treat myself to a new summer wardrobe. Hey, if I lose 30 pounds I'm gonna need new threads.
Now, if you'll excuse me I've got to go Wii for the next 30 minutes. At least. See you next Tuesday!

Step It Up!

In my ongoing quest for weight loss (and the immediate goal of being below 200 for my 30th birthday now 25 days away) I have added yet another formerly impossible, but no less insane, workout.
First I did the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds DVDs in the privacy of my own home. These were great and I still occasionally employ them on snow days or other tragedies of house arrest.
Then I bought the Wii Fit. Let me just say that that little piece of equipment is for sadists. It comes with a 'balance board' which is unfortunate for one who has no balance. And you get your own on-screen computer generated 'trainer'. I picked the male trainer because by and large I get along better with men and the female trainer looked just a little too perky in her little yoga top and jaunty pony-tail for my tastes. Yes, I know, it's a computer - but still. So I got boy, which even though that's what I often call my brother just didn't seem like a good name for this guy. Turns out boy had a pony-tail too. And yoga pants. Very new age. And to beat it all he seemed to have the patience of someone who has nothing better to do than workout all day. Bastard! I did a few workouts with boy before he finally just pissed me off to no end. Turns out boy is gay. ( a group that I generally have a blast with - like I said, women can be bitches - but this guy was a be-otch of the 1st degree) Again, I know he's a computer. I know. I just don't need that kind of pressure. I named him Chet. It seemed appropriate.
So I joined a real life gym. Curves. I figured it was women only so . . . Yes, I know what I said earlier. But the women at the gym aren't bitches - well, at least not at the gym and that's all I'm concerned about anyway. These women are there for the same reason I am and that kind of makes us sisters (in a we are the world kind of way). And it has been my salvation. I try to go three times a week. Often more, but sometimes less. I have slowly lost weight, but m ore importantly I have gotten stronger and have more energy than I ever had before. I love it.
The only problem is that now it's coming. You know 'IT'. NO not the Stephen King book (now that guy is messed up, maybe he needs a few sessions with Chet on the balance board) IT = the big 3-0. Actually I'm kind of looking forward to it. I look and feel better than I have in years. I think it's gonna be huge. People are going to see me at 30 and want to be 30 themselves. They say 30 is the new 20. Well, lets make it 21. I want to toast to it after all. The problem comes in the fact that I set a goal for myself last year that I wanted to be below 200 pound by 30. Yes, that's still a long way to go to my final goal. But still, it's important to me and I want to make it happen. It's just that I'm stalled out at 210 and I only have 25 days left. 25 days, people!
So a few weeks ago I decided it was time to pick up the pace a little. Kind of kick start my metabolism. I am already on the Weight Management Program at Curves, which is really awesome. (I'm still on Phase 2 btw. My trainer says I need to move up to Phase 3 to amp up my mojo, but more on that later) Then I started going to their Pump It Up class which is sort of a high intensity cardio aerobic strength training thing with hip-hop music. I was going once a week and it was awesome. I looked forward to the rush I would get after a class for the whole week. And I think I'm maybe going to start going twice a week, in addition to my regular workouts, just until I hit that 200. It will be hard. But I figure those people on The Biggest Loser workout for 8 hours a day and I am already at some of their goal weights. So working out at a regular pace 3= times a week in addition to 2 high intensity classes should be just fine - if life sucking.
However, back to my original point - finally. This morning's Pump It Up class was different. Previously we had done all these semi-dance moves that kind of made me feel like a really over the hill stripper but gave me a really good workout nonetheless. This morning she changed it to Step It Up. Yes, a step class. Me. The girl who could fall down standing still. Paradoxically I used to be a dancer and can have amazing balance if I focus. The problem is the focus. I seem to have lost that somewhere along the way. It was a lot of step-one-two-three and switch-one-two-three and all that. Plus you change activities every thirty seconds. Well, hell, I would just get one thing down when it was time to switch again. But I stumbled my way through it, with only one stubbed toe and no falls, which is a huge victory for me. Whenever I fall - and I do a lot- it's not just in the privacy of my own home. It's right in the middle of the biggest crowd I could possibly fine so a step aerobics class would be just about right. I didn't though. Knock on wood.
I actually made it through and believe it or not, I'm looking forward to going back next week. That is amazing to me. Just one short year ago I would have been mortified at trying a step class DVD, much less doing it with a group of real live people. Sorry, Chet. But here I am, knock, knock, knockin' on 30's door, and not just doing the seemingly personally impossible but actually looking forward to doing it again.

Phase Two and Other Life Altering Realizations

This week, I'm on Phase Two of the Curves Weight Management Plan. This consists of (like Phase One) at least three days in the gym, plus an aerobic workout every day. Also instead of starving on 1200 calories a day, I can feast on a relatively bountiful 1500. Whoo Hoo. Who would have thought that 1500 calories a day would sound like such a cornucopia?
Of course, it's only 300 extra calories a day, but hell. I've been able to add in a few whole grains and even the occasional small baked sweet potato - luxury of luxuries! I love them suckers with a bit of spray butter and cinnamon. Mmmm!
Perversely though, my daily workouts have become a bit harder. Not a lot, but when you track your progress on a daily basis - it shows up. I don't know if this is just a natural week two progression or just some freak that will work itself out next week.
Whatever, I've felt better and had more energy this week than I'd had in a while. I've even gotten more done around the house. Almost like I had been neglecting not just my body, but every aspect of my life as well. Even my daughter commented that I seemed like I was in such a good mood this week. Funny thing is, I hadn't noticed until she said something.
Bless that child. Her and her brother are - if not my whole life - at least the most important part of my life. And I thank them because if not for them, I maybe wouldn't have the motivation to get healthier. I want to be here for them. And not just physically. I know this is incredibly shallow but I don't want to embarrass them. I don't want my kids to have "the FAT mom".
One of these days when my daughter is a doctor and my son is an NFL O-Lineman, I want them to be able to say that their mom inspired them to take care of their bodies and stay healthy. What a compliment that would be.
Besides when I get my own Campbell's Chunky Soup commercial - I want to look good!

Phase 1

I don't know if anybody does Curves, much less the weight management program that they offer. But, I am currently in love with it. Curves, as you probably know, is a women's only gym that works you out by a combo of circuit training and aerobic activity. I didn't know if I would like it at first because, you know, women are bitches. However, after attending for almost a year now I must say the bitches are few and far between. For the most part every one is super supportive. Even the ladies who have already achieved their goal weight are awesome. It's nice to see someone who started out where you are succeed. Or maybe I just am at a place in my life where I'm willing to accept change in myself. Wow - pretty profound, right?
Anyways, Curves offers a weight management class that literally kicks ass. It consists of three phases, all of which are totally doable. (for the record, I did this program last year and lost a butt load of weight. Don't ask me why I didn't stay on it. I don't know)
The first phase, strangely enough named Phase One, is where I'm at right now and it is by far the hardest part of the whole diet. Luckily it only lasts for one week. I figure I can pretty much put up with anything for one week. Well, except for vacations with the in-laws. And country music. And maybe if they ran out of Vitamin Water 10. Oh, and I absolutely can't stand when it's a full moon and your dog acts all crazy. OK, so maybe there's not much I could put up with for a week, but this I can.
It consists of eating 1200 calories a day. I know, not a lot. But like I said, it's only a week. The idea is that this calorie reduction jump starts your metabolism and kind of kicks it into over drive. You also have to workout at least three times a week. Usually I shoot for 4-5 plus walking most days, so 3 days a week is not a problem. Curves says that it is normal to lose 5-7 lbs. on Phase One.
However, don't get all giddy. While it is, of course, awesome to lose that amount of weight in one week - it is not sustainable. Nor is it smart. After the first week you absolutely must go off of Phase One. You cannot maintain a 1200 calorie/ day regiment with any hope of lasting success. Your body will simply go into starvation mode and will actually hold onto the weight. Of course, if you keep up 1200 cals / day for very long you will probably lose weight. However, the likelihood of that weight creeping back on - or in my case, crashing back on like a wave on the beach - is extremely high.
After Phase One week, comes logically Phase Two. There will be more on this next week. Suffice it to say that you are allowed 1500 calories a day. This is still a reduced number sufficient to weight loss, but you are also not starving yourself. A definite plus, in my opinion. Not a big fan of starving, me.
I started on Monday so I'm almost halfway through. I'm a bit hungry when I go to bed tonight, but nothing unbearable. I've not had quite enough energy, but so far it hasn't interfered with my day to day activities. I can totally see how it would, though, if you kept it up for any amount of time. And the most prevalent side effect I can say for Phase One? The Bitchys. Like I said, women, you know? Take away my carbs and look out! Not that this diet is by any way carb free - they strongly encourage whole grains - but on 1200 calories, it's a little hard to get a lot of carbs. If it's a choice of having a huge-ass salad (btw that's a technical diet term - huge-ass salad) or a bagel. Well, I'm in favor of anything that has huge ass in the title.
I have even come to love my own huge ass. Sure I want to lose weight, but I want to keep the booty. If I could just lose the tummy and the thighs, I would rock this ass all over the state. Beyonce who? I wonder if Beyonce has ever even heard of Phase One? I doubt it, but I'm sure that any woman must be in favor of a smart healthy way to lose weight and keep it off. Because believe me, I am not working this damn hard just to gain all the weight back.

Back in the Saddle Again

OK. I don't know if it was the goals, the tight jeans, or just the simple disgust at myself; but I am officially back in the groove. I'm almost afraid to proclaim it here, but it has been a long time coming and, damn it, I'm kind of proud of myself.
As we know, I have, um . . . slacked off . . . all this summer and paid the dreadful price. I was on target of losing about 1 -2 pounds a week. Not so much this summer. Since the last day of my kids school I have not only NOT lost anything, but may have actually managed to gain a few pounds (depending on what day of the month I weight - if you know what I mean).
So last week I put my foot down with a virtual, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!" I recognized what my problems were this summer, (too much summer time indulgence and not enough gym time) and laid down what I planned to do about it. (more gym time, super-low calorie 1 week jump start followed by a reasonable 1600 calorie/day 'diet') And one week later . . . drum roll, please . . . It has started to work.
Today at the gym, for the third day in a row, I kicked ass. I had all the energy in the world and really turned that into a crazy good workout. And two days ago I actually made it into the green zone (a Curves term) on every machine - a result I haven't achieved since May.
Yes, I'm tooting my own horn a bit here. But maybe that's been the problem this summer. Too much time making excuses for my laziness and not enough time spent looking at the reasons why I actually deserve to succeed.
So simple, right? I deserve to succeed. I do. It's not so much that I ever thought I didn't deserve it. Just that I had never taken to time to recognize that I did. But it's true. My kids are not going to be any less well fed or dressed or loved because I take the time to take care of myself. My husband isn't going to feel any more neglected because I go to the gym. If anything the kids are thrilled because I have more energy to play out in the yard with them. They haven't been so thrilled with the salads at every dinner, but then neither am I. And my hubby certainly hasn't complained when I haven't fallen instantly asleep when my head hits the pillow every night.
The only thing I have a real gripe about is that I hate how much time I wasted. I had heard for years in every woman's magazine out there that when you take the time to take care of yourself you will really see results. And I had never paid it much attention. Why??? Who knows. It's so cliche but it's true. I have more energy now than I ever have and my moods have held pretty stable, which is a huge plus here in Mama's house.
The verdict? Like the old hair color ads, I'm worth it. The only question now is, how far will I take it? I certainly doubt that I will ever make it to Playboy model status. But I think MILF status is not out of the question.

The Grades Are In

I got my report card (so to speak) on Friday. You know by now that I work out at Curves, a women's only gym, and I love it. I try to go about four times a week, though since school's been out it's been more like three. One of the things Curves does is a monthly Progress Report that helps you track . . . well, your progress.
So now I am about to be brutally honest and share my report with you. I debated with myself over doing this, but if I'm going to be honest then I'm going to be 100%. Besides it can't be as embarrassing as standing in front of millions of TV viewers in a sports bra and bike shorts like The Biggest Loser contestants, right?
Keep in mind that I started charting my progress when I got my Smart Card (another great Curves tool) which I got in the beginning of December so my starting weight and measurements on the report is actually a little bit lower than when I actually started 6 weeks prior to that. Honesty, right?
OK, we'll start with the weight 'cause that's what everyone wants to know, right? Starting weight 236.40. Weight on 6/12/09 217.7lbs for a total weight loss of 18.7lbs. (24lbs. since the very beginning - yeah me!) My BMI (which I think is just a tool that the government uses to keep women in their place) down from 39.3 to 36.2. Now for the body fat. Yuck. This is definitely the most embarrassing part. It started out at 44%. That, to me, is completely unacceptable. That's almost half my body weight as fat. Disgusting. It is now down to 42%. Not a lot, I know. But it's a start.
My measurements have gone down too. Bust -2", Waist -3", Abdomen -4.75", Hips -4", Thighs -2", Arm -1". That may not seem like a lot, but it adds up to a total of 16.75" lost. So all in all, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I know I've still got a long (LONG) way to go, but when I'm seeing results it motivates me to want to lose more.
So stay tuned. My next report is due July 10. I'm hoping to have lost another 5 - 8lbs. by then. But I also have a two week vacation coming up right in the middle of that, so we'll see.

Things I Really Like

1. Curves. My Curves gym membership has been my salvation. It takes me only about 30-45 minutes a day. It's women only so it's completely non-threatening and my trainer is really great. She keeps me motivated and accountable with out being on my ass and making me feel guilty. Plus their weight-loss eating plan doesn't suck either.
2. 100 Calorie packs. Whatever brand or manufacturer, I don't care. There is something extremely satisfying about eating a whole bag of whatever. Plus the fact that I can lose weight while still eating Cheetos. Bitchin'!
3. Light Chocolate Soy Milk. Love it. I know it's not the same but it does fill in nicely for a chocolate shake when nothing else will do. Plus it's got loads of calcium and the extra soy protein makes it perfect for after workouts.
4. SPANX. Thank God for Spanx! They are not like the girdles of old that were so thick and crammed full of Lycra that by the time you actually got the damn thing on, you couldn't breath or set down, and forget about actually eating anything. No, Spanx just smooths you out so there are no bulges or bumps where there aren't supposed to be.
5. The Fashion Code. These two sisters were recently featured on the Rachael Ray Show. They have a system that takes you different body measurements (doesn't matter what size you wear) and gives you the right length jacket/sleeve/pant/necklace whatever to make you look your best.
6. Wii Fit. This has been a lifesaver for days when I couldn't get to Curves or when I just wanted a little something extra. The yoga is nice and I love the free run because I can change the feed on the screen and watch TV while I run and the remote keeps me on track. Awesome!
7. The Biggest Loser. Watching real people struggle to lose weight. Too good. And they do it in a healthy real way. Of course the workouts are exaggerated for TV (8 hours in the gym - come on.) But I can also see people who are way bigger than me have success. And I can be inspired by them. If they can do it, so can I. Maybe not as quickly or as publicly, but I can still get there.
8. Queen Latifah. How awesome is she? Did anyone see her on the American Idol Finale the other night? Holy Crap. She is a big girl and she was totally rocking a skin-tight, off the shoulder, black cat suit. And what's more she looked totally hot! Big girls can be just as hot and we don't have to hide it.
9. My Omega-3 supplement. Some times I can't always eat my daily suggested serving and it really does seem to make a difference for me, so supplement I will. Along w/ a daily multi, of course.
10. Quiet time. For me it's after my kids go to bed. Maybe I'll take a bath, or read a book, or talk on the phone with a friend, or just fold laundry in a quite peaceful manner. It doesn't matter. Just as long as there's some time in every day where I can take time, and just be quiet.

Here We Go

OK, so I'm losing weight. So, I'm like one of about a billion people out there trying to do the same thing. Why is it so damn hard? Why is it so easy to eat the 400 calorie doughnut, but so freakin' hard to run the three miles to work it off?
I don't know the answer to that. And to be honest I'm not sure anybody really does. Sure we all read books and magazine articles and watch TV shows and news specials that all claim to know the answer, but why is so often competing information. The truth is that every one is different. Our bodies are all different, and the reasons we got fat are all different, so why shouldn't the way we lose the fat be different for everybody too? Duh.
I am by no means an expert on weight loss. If I was I wouldn't be looking at my 30th birthday coming up at 220 lbs. But I am an expert on what doesn't work. For me.
Let's review what hasn't worked for me: Slim Fast (OK, but I gained the weight all back and more), Atkins (I would have ran over my grandmother for a cracker by the time it was over), The Celebrity Juice Detox (Torture), The Cabbage Soup Diet (let's just say I was not pleasant to be around for a time), Diet Pills of all Kinds (Never a good idea), Running (killed my knees), Alli (gross), MediFast (800 calories a day, what was I thinking?), Jenny Craig and/or NutriSystem (too expensive and unrealistic), Weight Watchers (too complicated). So you see, I really have tried it all. I have had limited success on a few of the plans but I always managed to gain back everything I lost and then some.
Right before I turned 29, I finally reached bottom. I just got fed up with myself. How had I let myself get this way? Well, (#1) I had two kids by the time I was 23 (the first when I was just 19). I love my kids dearly, but let's be honest - teenage motherhood is not the ideal situation. Add to that (#2) parental disapproval and (#3) marriage at 20 to a husband who works away for long stretches at a time. You could say that the deck was pretty much stacked against me emotionally. And we all know what emotional eating does.
So here I am 29 and fat. Not plus-sized or curvy or big-boned, just plain F-A-T fat. I have wasted my 20s on being fat and unhealthy. Am I going to do the same with my 30s? Hell no!
I have decided to take charge of my life and make my thirties the best decade of my life. Why should I look ahead to turning 30 with dread and humiliation, when I should be looking forward to coming into my own as a mother, a wife, and- yes- a damn fine looking woman? I'm going to be hotter at thrity than I was before I got married. Talk about a MILF. I'm bringing sexy back, baby.
Two weeks before my 29th birthday in November I weighed in at 242 pounds. Scary, huh? I even just now cringed a little bit just typing the number. What's even scarier was that I was having heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and aching joints. Not to mention zero energy. And I wasn't even 29. Something had to change.
So I took myself to my local Curves. (a gym just for the ladies) and signed up. Normally I would never have done such a thing on my own. I would have waited on a friend to join with me. But I suddenly realized that I had no more 'wait's, all I really had was weight and it had to go. Now. The first day at Curves I was surrounded by all this equipment and fast paced music and to be honest it scared the hell out of me. But then I looked around at the other women there. Some of them were older (like- your grandma old) and some of them were in really good shape and some of them not so much, but what I noticed most was that while everyone was really friendly - they didn't care about me. Not in a bad way, they just didn't care. Everyone was there for a reason and they were all so focused on their own personal struggles and goals that they just didn't have the time to care about what I looked like or what I was doing. And eventually that's what I did too.
I stopped focusing on everyone else and started focusing on myself. At first it was hard to tell my kids that I couldn't have that ice-cream with them or that they had to quit what they were doing and go to grandma's for a little while so that I could go to the gym. It was especially hard with my nine year old daughter (who happens to be super skinny - I don't even think she's mine)to explain that I was going to the gym and watching what I eat to lose weight without giving her any hangups about her own body. I eventually settled on telling her and her brother that I was just trying to get healthier so that I would have more energy and be around longer to be with them. And you know what? The more I said it, the more true it became. It stopped being some line I was feeding them do disguise my own selfishness. I realized that I had really been selfish by depriving them of the mom they should have had.
So that was then. Now it's the middle of May and I have lost 22 lbs. Slowly, yes. But that is OK. I still have about 40 more pounds to go. (yes- that will still leave me technically overweight, but maybe that's OK too. I will re-evaluate when I reach that goal.) And I am figuring out what works for me (a diet rich in Omega-3s, low fat dairy, whole grains, and vegi's and lots of cardio combined with weight training) and am proud of what I've accomplished. I am no longer ashamed of setbacks, but have learned to accept them as part of the process. I no longer think I can do this. I know I can!!! Corny, yes. But true nonetheless.