Maybe Baby???

No, don't pass out. I said that I was not having any more children and I meant it. The two I have, the wonderful little weirdos, are quite enough - thank you very much. No, I was actually thinking of starting my own from-home business. BabyCakes Custom Cupcakes. Whadaya think?
Yes, I know cupcakes are not by any stretch of the imagination diet food. But I'm not on a diet, anyways. And as far as I'm concerned a cupcake free existance is not a life I'm willing to contemplate. Woman cannot live by lettuce alone! Believe me, I've tried.
Now, hear me out. I want to use all natural and organic ingredients and show that while cupcakes may never be called health food, they don't have to be toxic either. No one should feel guilty about eating a sweet every now and then. After all, kids aren't going to quite having birthday parties, graduations,and school parties. And unfortunately well-meaning friends of brides and new moms are not going to stop throwing showers. I do hate a shower, but that's another story. Suffice it to say that I am all for celebrating milestones, but I will buy you a much nicer gift if I don't have to guess the new babies name and drink flat punch from a paper cup. Just sayin'
So my new business would consist of custom cupcake orders. People could pick them up at my house, meet me in town, or I would even be willing to deliver them to local schools and/or businesses. I don't like to brag, but I can make a cupcake taste or look like just about anything.  I can make the cutest baby shower cupcakes that look like a big nursery full of sleeping babies - ironic, I know. I have versions for every major holiday. And if you have a favorite flavor, I can do that too. A particular favorite is mint julep. Another is root beer float. Just think of the possibilities.
And as for killing my weight loss goals. I don't think so. I'm one of those people that can't look at something the same way after I've worked with it. I once worked at Fazolli's Italian Restaraunt. Yum!, right. Well, it was my job to make the breadsticks. Their famous garlic butter breadsticks. I don't think I have to tell you that it didn't take me very long to become heartily sick of breadsticks. I still can't eat them.
That's not to say that I'm likely to forever swear off cupcakes. It's just that if I am going to spend all day making 3 dozen basketball cupcakes for a local team, I'm not going to be likely to nosh on them.
I'm still not sure. But after much consideration, I think I'm gonna go for it. It has very little investment, virtually no overhead, and it's something that I'm not only good at, but that I actually enjoy.
I'll offer more info as it comes. For now keep your eyes peeled for BabyCakes!

Sweets For Your Sweet (or yourself. it's nobody's damn business anyway!)

Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I know I should hate this the most Hallmark-yest of all Hallmark holidays, but, damn it, I just can't help myself. I love the little folded Valentine's cards that my kids place in their classmate's little decorated shoe boxes. And I love that my husband will give me a card and some small trinket and not expect anything in return (although I always cook him his favorite meal) because he says it's a "girly holiday". But most of all, I love those little candy hearts with the messages on them. You know - "be mine", "luv u", and even a few modern ones like, "email me". I love it.
So in the spirit of the little cupid, I thought I would share a recipe for a Valentine's Day dessert that will not leave you feeling like you swilled a whole box of Godivas.
This recipe works with any flavor cake mix or diet pop. Just don't use the kind with the pudding in the mix. You can also make this in a sheet pan, but what's the fun in that?

For Goodness Cakes

1 box chocolate cake mix
2 egg whites
1 can diet cherry Dr. Pepper
Sugar Free Cool Whip
Maraschino cherries, stems on

Pre-heat oven to 350. Prepare muffin tins with cupcake papers for 24 cupcakes.
Mix together first 3 ingredients. Spoon evenly into muffin cups. About 2/3 full.
Bake until toothpick test comes out clear. Usually about 17-20 minutes.
Let cool. Remove from tins to tray.
"Frost" each one with Cool Whip and place one cherry on top of each.
Cover any uneaten cakes and put on top rack of refrigerator.

I'm not sure of the nutritional info on these because of differences in cake mix brands, but I do know that each cupcake is generally considered to be 3 Weight Watchers point.

Eat This. . . am I being PUNKED?

For a while now I have been a fan of the Eat This, Not That series of books by David  Zinczenco. I love when he's on the Today show stumping the ancors. And I love it when he brings props like this deep fried mozzerella stick has as much fat as a stick of butter or that small order of fast food fries has as much sodium as a whole box of slatines. But now they've come out with a newbie, and I must say it's my favorite. Cook This, Not That. It offers tasty recipes you can cook at home to cure your cravings for high fat and calorie restaraunt foods.
See I'm one of these people that doesn't do well with deprivation. I try to stay positive and focus on what I can have and how healthy my body is, but all I can do is zero in on all the things that I can't have. I have dreams of greasy pizza, and heaping plates of pasta, and full fat ice cream. And I don't even particularily care for ice cream in the regular order of things. So when a book comes out (with big glossy pictures, I might add) that compares different foods, I'm always crazily surprised.
For instance, on page 276 there is a recipe for Chicken Parmesan for 340 calories and 11g of fat. Are you kidding me? 340 calories! And as a bonus it rings across the checkout counter as $3.79/ serving. Crazy!
On the flip-side you could go to Romano's Macaroni Grill and order their Chicken Parmigiana for $13.25 and a whopping 850 calories. Now, I'm sure there are healthier options at Macaroni Grill, but come on.
Another thing about me is that I am a big weekend breakfast person. I like something sweet and starchy. And I even have a favorite. Big shout out to The Freight House in beautiful Phillips, Wisconsin. These people make the absolute best French Toast on the face of the planet. They bake their own bread and they slice it thick. I kid you not, it is like there was never French Toast before the Freight House. They are a mom and pop operation and they don't exactly offer nutritional information but I could immagine. Thought I'd rather not.
Luckily, I only vacation in Phillips, so I can't have their French Toast every Sunday. But there are other options. Aren't there always?
Cook This, Not That offers an alternative. They have a recipe for French Toast with Vanilla Bourbon Sauce and Carmelized Bananas. No, I'm not making this up. I have made it and it is unbelievably good. I'm talking eyes rolling back in your head, tounge lolling out the side of your mouth good. And, drumroll please, it's only 490 calories and 18g of fat. Yes, I know that's still a lot. But we're talking special occasion Sunday brunch here. Definately not every day. As much as I love it, I've only made it once in two months. And compare it to Bob Evans Stacked & Stuffed Caramel Banana Pecan Hotcakes for 1,493 calories and 70g of fat and we're taling a caloric bargain here.
There are even delicious dessert recipies that manage to satidfy even my wicked big sweet tooth. Right now I'm liking the Crispy Apple Turnover which uses puff pastry and clocks in at 200 calories each and 8g of fat. Seriously - a 200 calorie dessert that doesn't taste like artificially sweetened air. The book compares it to the Cheesecake Factory's Warm Apple Crisp. While I have never actually had this dessert, I have set at the same table as someone who has and the smell alone is intoxicating. YUM. However, had I known (and I feel pretty secure speaking on the eaters behalf) what the damage was I would have run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Are you ready? 1,355 calories and 28g of saturated fat. Seriously. That is almost a full days worth of calories for me. For dessert. That is crazy.
After reading all these books it is not hard to understand why Americans are so overweight. Calories and fat are insane and portions are out of control. These simple substitutions offer easy solutions without leaving you feeling deprived of anything. Perfect for people like me who grudge all those skinny bitches out there who chant gleefully, "Oh I can just eat anything I want. I guess I just have a naturally high metabolism." every Carl's Jr Thick Burger they consume.
And by the way, I don't by that naturally high metabolism bull shit for a minute. Tell the truth, you skinny bitches. We know its cigarettes and Red Bull. Naturally high metabolism, my ass.

Why It's OK to Bend So You Don't Break

I did it. I held out for as long as I could. But I just couldn't stay arrow straight anymore. Anyone who has read my blog for more than, say, a minute knows that I have a serious sweet tooth. Like crack addict with some serious DTs sweet tooth. And for about the past two weeks I've had some serious cravings.
At first I thought it was just some PMS hormonal thing and I fed it with 90 calorie granola bars. Good but not great. TOM (time of month) came and went and I had eaten and worked off a whole box of granola bars along with a couple of scoops of fat free sugar free ice cream. Which by the way is not quite tate free, but it's close. And I broke down and had a weight watchers snack cake which was like a semi-chocolate flavored air puff. Nasty.
So today when I was setting here trying to decide what I could smear on a whole wheat tortilla that would be sweet and still not break the bank, so to speak. That's when it hit me. I could either eat my weight in substitutes or I could just break down and feed my body what it had been craving. So I went against everything I have worked so hard for and made a batch of no-bake cookies.
It hit the spot.
Oh, how it hit the spot. I forced myself not to sample while I was making them. I wanted to savor and enjoy them. They finally were ready and I set down with two of them and a big ol' glass of almond milk, which I have come ot like more than the moo kind, and Oprah.
And you know what? I didn't feel a bit guilty. Strange? I don't think so. See, I felt way guiltier eating all those chemically processed nothing foods than I did eating these two little full fat, full sugar treats. And believe it or not, I was completely satified after I was done. Nothing was triggered. Crazy!
So, I'm done with the substitutes. If I want something, I'm gonna have it. Just a bit. And that will, hopefully, make all the difference.
So there you go, blogosphere. I'm fat as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!